Couple joke-Poison

As all married couples fight, there was this huge argument between Harold and Gina. Harold decided to give her the silent treatment and stopped talking altogether.

On the third day, Gina got fed up and said to her husband, "If you don't talk till the count of 10, I will consume poison."

She started counting, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8"

Harold was silent.

Gina said, "9!!"

Harold was still silent. 

 

Gina screamed, "Please say something!" and then she started sobbing.

Harold said, "Finish the counting."

Gina said with a smile, "Thank God you spoke, or else I would have really consumed the poison."

Facebook joke-Threat

Mrs. Berry, the maths teacher scolded little Peter and said, "Your grades are very poor. I need to talk to your Father. Please ask him to meet me in school tomorrow."

Little Peter, "And if I refuse to do so?"

Now angry, Mrs, Berry shouts, "I will upload your grades on FB and will tag your dad!"

Little Peter, not ready to give up so soon, said, "All right, then let me inform my Mom that you are on my Dad's friends list."

Anniversary joke-Memorable night

Bubba asked his wife, "It's our anniversary, my love. Tomorrow we complete 3 years of our marriage. Tell me sweetheart, in these 3 years, which night was the most memorable for you?"

Rosy replied, "The night you went out of town."

Doctor joke-Who is buying a car?

Dr. Jones had a difficult time convincing Peter that he needed to get operated for his appendix problem. Peter finally agreed and asked the doctor about the expenses involved in the operation.

Dr. Jones said, "Well, it will cost you around 10000 dollars."

Seeing the hesitation on Peter's face,  Dr. Jones said, "Listen I will make it easier for you. You can pay me an advance of 3000 dollars and give me the balance amount of 8000 dollars in small installments of 1000 dollars each month."

Peter said, "I feel like I am buying a car."

Dr. Jones nodded and said, "You are absolutely right - its not you but me who is buying a car."

Mother-in-law joke-Faulty product

Jose was so tired of his wife's constant nagging that he sent a mail to his Mother-in-law.

His mail read like this:
You product is a faulty piece. It has several technical faults which were not informed to me at the time of delivery. I demand that this faulty piece be taken back and I be given an exchange.

The Mother-in-law shot back a message to Jose:

• The product is no longer under Warranty
• There is no policy for refund or exchange
• It is in your hands to enhance the performance of the product
• The Rules & Regulations, of using the product were informed to you at the time of exchanging vows
• The Company no longer makes new products anyways
• You are thereby advised to "Handle with care" 

Santa joke-A plumber can save you!

When Santa Singh went to appear for his exams, he asked a plumber to accompany him.

Intrigued by the plumber's presence, a classmate asked him, "Why did you get a plumber with you?"

Santa Singh's answer made everyone laugh in the class, "Because I heard the paper has leaked."

Interview joke-Spelling

Fred was asked in an interview, "Spell out a word which has more than 15 letters in it."

Fred's reply was quick, "P-O-S-T-O-F-F-I-C-E-L-E-T-T-E-R-B-O-X"

Barber joke-A good time

I was at barber Eric's salon getting a haircut. I asked him casually, "When would be a good time to get my 3 year old boy for a haircut?"

Eric, who was not very fond of kids, replied promptly, "When he is five."

Sardar joke-Mango season

In a press conference during his visit to India, Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple Inc announced, "We would like to develop in India".

Sardar Santa Singh who was present at the conference commented, "But Sir, this is the season for Mangoes. You must visit again after July."

Wife joke-Tall promises

Bubba was making tall promises to his wife and trying to prove how much he loves her.

Bubba's wife says to him, "If you love me so much, go hunt a tiger for me. I want to decorate our living room with tiger's skin."

Bubba says to her, "Be reasonable darling. How do I hunt a tiger? Tell me something easier."

Bubba's wife says, "Okay, then show me your Whatsapp messages."

Bubba replies, "Do you want a regular striped tiger or a White one?"

After marriage

Rob says to Lisa, "Will you continue to love me just as much even after we get married?"

Lisa replies, "Even more darling! I just adore married men!"

Cheated!

Joseph says to his hostel roommate, "Alex, I have been cheated!"

Alex said, "Who cheated you? How?"

Joseph replied, "My own parents! I asked them to send me money for books, and guess what did they send me........books!!"


Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Boyfriend joke-Trust

Nuria said to her boyfriend who was going on a road trip with his friends "I trust you Alex. Just remember one thing, my trust and your bones with break together."

Santa's aspiration

God appears in front of Santa Singh of India and says, "Tell me son. What do you aspire for?"

Santa Singh says, "All I want is a job, a room full of cash, and respite from this heat."

"So be it!", says God.

Santa Singh is not employed as a security guard of a Bank's ATM.


Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Blowing money

Sally says to her husband Jack, "Listen you need to stop drinking. You are spending all our money on alcohol."

Jack replies, "And what about you blowing a 100 dollars in the beauty salon? Isn't that wasting money?"

Sally says, "C'mon Jack, you know why I go there - so I look beautiful to you."

Jack replies, "And what do you think I drink alcohol for?"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Just like Mom

It was Juan's 35th birthday and he was celebrating with friends. One of his friends, Pepe asked him, "You should get married now. Haven't you found a woman?"

Juan replied, "Well, over the years,  I have brought many girlfriends home to meet my mom but she didn't like anyone."

Pepe said "That's an age old problem, but I know the solution. Get a girl who is just like your Mom."

Juan meets Pepe again after a couple of weeks and Pepe asks him, "Well how is it going? Did you find a girl your Mom would like?"

Juan replied without enthusiasm, "Ya I did. She is just like Mom. And Mom was all praises for her."

Pepe asked, "Then what's the trouble dude? Why the long face?"

Juan replied, "Dad doesn't like her."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Distant brother

Laurel: Who is this boy?
Hardy: He is my distant brother.
Laurel: What do you mean by that??!
Hardy: Well, there are seven other brothers between us.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Polo Jersey

Sana, with a killer expression, says to her husband Sandy, "How did you get these lipstick marks on your Polo jersey?"

Sandy replies back, "Fails me dear. I wasn't even wearing the jersey at that time."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Fortune teller

The fortune teller tells young John, "Son, I can see that there is a lot of studying in your future."

John says, "Listen Mr. Fortune teller, I am already studying a lot since the past 3 years. What I really need to know is when will I pass my exams!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Disoriented men

When Alex was appointed the new in-charge of the mental hospital, he asked his subordinate to take him around the hospital premises for orientation.

In one of the corridors, Alex saw a man in torn clothes running towards him shouting, "Julia, Julia!!"

Alex asked the subordinate, "What is wrong with him?"

The subordinate replied, "This guy was in love with a girl called Julia but could not marry her. He was so disheartened that he lost his mind. He has been like this ever since."

When they were in another part of the hospital, Alex saw another disoriented man running haywire and screaming, "Julia! Julia!"

Alex looked at his subordinate questioningly and the subordinate quickly replied, "Well, he is the man who married Julia."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Wife in Beauty parlour

Dean was seated at the reception of a beauty parlour for nearly 4 hours, waiting for his wife who had promised him that she would take only an hour to finish her beauty treatment.

Frustration was creeping in, when Dean felt a hand on his shoulder. It was a stunning woman who said to him, "Let's go, honey."

Dean looked around frantically and said to her in a whisper,  "Listen lady, my wife is in there and she might come here anytime. Maybe some other time."

The woman shouted at him, "You scoundrel!! I AM YOUR WIFE!!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Santa Banta joke - Demise

Santa : Sorry to learn about your father's demise. May his soul rest in peace. I am sure he has left you a lot.

Banta : Yes, he has.

Santa: Like what?

Banta: A lot of debt.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

The disappearing customer

Alex went to the salon and asked the owner, "Hey Max, how long would I have to wait for a haircut?"

Max looked at the customers waiting and replied, "About an hour". On hearing this, Alex left.

He returned next week and asked Max, "Hey, how long is the waiting time for a haircut?"

Max looked at the customers already waiting, and replied, "About an hour." Alex left.

The week after that, Alex came again and asked the same question, "Hey Max, how long would I have to wait for a haircut?"

Max replied, "An hour or so." Alex left quietly.

Max was intrigued and asked a friend in the shop, "Paul, do me a favour. Please follow that guy and see where he goes."

Paul returned in a while and could not stop laughing. Max asked, "Well this has to be funny. So where did he go??"

Paul replied, "Your home!!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Brand new suit

David saw his colleague Alfred walk into the office in a brand new suit. David exclaimed, "Not bad, dude! Where did you get the suit?"

Alfred smiled and replied, "Well, my wife got them for me. Pretty cool, isn't it?"

David replied, "Sure it is. Was it your anniversary?"

Alfred said, "No. beats me. The other day, I arrived home early from work, and there I found them on a chair near the bed."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Inconsolable

Linda was taking a walk when she noticed a small kid crying at the corner of the street. She bent and asked the little boy why he was crying. 

The boy, sobbing loudly, replied, "My uncle threw our three little puppies in the drain."

Linda, horrified by what she had just heard, reacted angrily, "Your uncle is evil. How could he do such a thing?"

The boy said, "That's true. He had promised that he would let me do it."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Social Media Humor - At Office

Argument with wife

After a heated argument with his wife Lisa, John said to himself enough is enough. He packed his bags and was walking out of the house, when Lisa screamed from behind, "Hope you have a slow and agonizing death, you swine!"

John shot back, "So now you don't want me to go.."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Dining table

At the Cricket Stadium, Santa says to Banta, "I wish I had got my dining table to the Cricket match."

Banta says, "Why would you bring a dining table to the Cricket match?"

Santa replies, "Because I forgot my tickets on it."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Whose fault is it?

Pablo, David and Juan were all discussing the poor state of their local football team.

Pablo said, "The manager is responsible. If he had selected better players, we would have had a good team."

David commented, "It is the players' fault. Had they played better, we could have seen some more goals."

Juan exclaimed, "My parents are to be blamed! Had they given me birth in another town, I wud have been supporting a good club!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Latvian joke

Boka: I had a typical Latvian meal today at a friend's place.

Poka: Really? What were you served?

Boka: Nothing!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Mood swing

Q: How do you get a ginger guy's mood to swing?

A: Wait for 15 seconds!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Anti joke-M.J.

Why did Michael Jackson call the school?

Because he wanted to give his children an education.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Physics jokes-Well defined

When eight-year-old Tom was asked to define Newton's first law, he blabbered, "Bodies that are moving, should remain moving, and bodies that are resting will remain so unless their moms force them outta bed!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Ginger jokes-M. Jackson

Why is luck on the side of Ginger kiddos?

Cos they can have a room of their own when they stay at MJ's palace.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Hide money

Ana says to Phil, "Where do we keep our money? Our son has a bad habit of stealing money where ever I keep it - in the locker or the wardrobe or the bags. I am really concerned"

Phil replies, "The safest place would be his studybooks. He will never look there."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Punny jokes - Thrown out

I still can't digest the fact that I was thrown out of a Calendar company!

What did I do? I just took a week off.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Anti joke

Laurel: What is black and bad for your teeth?

Hardy: A Stone.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Advice before the operation

Old man Juan Carlos was in the operation room, waiting for his son, a noted cardiologist, to perform a surgery on him.

Before the assistant doctor could administer anesthesia, Juan Carlos requested that he be allowed to speak to his doctor son in private. When they were alone, Juan Carlos said, "I love you, my son. Do not be nervous. You have many years of experience behind you so give it your best shot. If something goes wrong, just remember that your mom is gonna move to your place permanently to spend the rest of her life with you and your wife."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Helter-skelter

Jimmy was running helter-skelter in his uncle's house where he was spending his winter holidays. Despite many warnings, he continued to play inside the house and broke an ancient vase.

Uncle Andrew got very upset and screamed, "Do you have any idea how old that was? It was made in the eighteenth century.

"That's a relief!" exclaimed Jimmy, "almost thought it was brand new."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Burial ground

John is driving with his 5 year old son and they pass a burial ground. John glances at his son Tod and says, "Can you guess why they can't bury me here?"

Tod asks, "Why?"

John replies, "Cos I ain't dead yet!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Baby pig

I saw my friend Pablo in the market and greeted him. I was surprised to see that he was carrying a baby pig in his arms.

I asked him, "Hey, what are you doing with this pig?"

Pablo replied, "Well, I found him in the park. Think he is lost. Anyway, I am going to adopt him. Since we have no kids of our own, this little fellow is going to live with us like family. He will have his meals with us, and sleep in our bed."

I asked him, "Will the smell not be bothersome?"

Pablo replied, "Ah, the little fellow will have to get used to it, just like I did." 

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

No shame

When Ranbir farted loudly at a friend's party, the silence that followed was deafening!

Jasbir, who was standing next to him, said angrily, "Do you have no shame farting in front of my wife?"

Ranbir replied, "You will have to forgive me please. I had no idea it was her turn."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Three more days

The doctor said to Santa Singh who wife has just undergone a complicated operation, "Mr. Singh, I am sorry to say your wife has only 3 more days to live."

Santa Singh replied, "Don't be sorry for me. It's a matter of only 3 more days. This time will also pass!"

Lipstick

Joselina screamed at her husband Bubba, "What is the meaning of these lipstick marks on your shirt?"

Bubba said, "I am clueless how those lipstick marks appeared. I am sure I was not wearing anything at that time."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Pun joke

I turn on the shower, every time I remove my clothes in the bathroom.

Anti joke - Jealous

I am jealous of guys who can give back witty retorts cos in my case, I require a two-day notice in the least!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Stalking

Robbie said to his friend, "I have reason to believe that Stacy, the girl next door is stalking me."

His friend asked him what made him think so.

Robbie replied, "She has been looking up my profile on all search engines last night. I spotted it through my binoculars."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Repulsive!

Roger was discussing his wife while seated at the local pub. He said to his friends, "I am divorcing that good-for-nothing woman! Her habits are repulsive. I mean just this morning I went to take a leak in the sink and it was piled up with dirty dishes from last nite's dinner!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

With all that wealth

Justin was caught red-handed misappropriating funds of the organization he worked for. So he ran to his lawyer who assured him by saying, "Relax Justin. You will never go to prison with all that wealth!"

The lawyer was right. Actually when Justin was put behind bars, he did not have a penny on him!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Which one?

Andrea was mad at her husband Phil and she screamed, "I saw you at Erning Street when I was buying stuff for the house."

She continued, "I saw you with a gorgeous blonde and you both went into the Parkside hotel. I want you to explain and I want you to be honest!"

Phil said to her, "All right, please make up your mind, which one do you want?"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net