Single

Bubba went to a nice restaurant to have dinner. He had just started relishing the soup when a pretty young thing walked up to him and said, "Hey, are you single?"

Bubba could not believe his luck and somehow managed to blurt out, "Yes, yes."

So, she picked up the empty chair in front of him and walked away to her group of friends.

Discount on electronics

DMart was offering a big discount on some electronics. A refrigerator had a picture cut-out of a beautiful girl wearing a short skirt.

Bubba, who had come to the store with his wife to buy a refrigerator, was constantly staring at the picture of the girl. His wife hissed and said, "Let's go home Bubba. The offer is on the refrigerator only." 

Open a book

Tom, while scolding his son, said, "Why don't I ever see you study? Never seen you open a book."

The teen replied, "I do open a book every day."

Tom asked, "And which one is that??"

The teen said, "Facebook!"

The honeymoon offer

Elena went to see a travel agent and asked him, "Do you have any cheap honeymoon offers?"

The travel agent replied, "Of course, we have. 3 nights and 4 days in Zurich only for $1500 only."

Elena asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "3 nights & 4 days in Bangkok for $1000 only."

Elena further asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "2 nights & 3 days in Malaga for $750."

Elena, still not happy with the price, asked, "Anything cheaper?"

The travel agent replied, "Yes. 9 nights and 10 days in Paris, London and Rome. You will be booked in the honeymoon suite of the best 5 star hotels.Food, hotel stay, all travel expenses and sight seeing will be free."

Elena was excited and exclaimed, "Wow! What a super offer! What's the catch?"

The travel agent smiled and replied, "The husband will be provided by us!"

Happy neighbor

The inspector asked Jerry, "Your neighbor's wife is missing. So why have you come to file a missing person's complaint? Did you have an affair with her?"

Jerry replied, "No sir, I never had any affair with her. It's just that I am not able to stand my neighbor's happiness! It's been 4 days since his wife is missing, and he has been partying every night!"

Helpless

A drunk man fell on the road. Looking at his condition, Pandu, the policeman on duty commented, "Why do you drink so much?"

The drunk man replied, "Sir, I was helpless."

Pandu glared at him and said, "Oh really? And how is that?"

The drunk dude replied, "I had lost the cap of the bottle!"

Comedy jokes-Old age

Sam asks his friend Fred, "What are the first signs of old age?"

Fred replies, "Wrinkles?"

Sam says, "No."

Fred says, "Hair loss?"

Sam says, "No."

Fred asks, "Medicines?"

Sam says, "No."

Fred asks, "Then what??"

Sam replies, "When your wife stops suspecting you!"

Joke of the day-When neighbors fight

Sofia said to her husband Alam, "It seems the husband and wife next door have been fighting since a long time. Will you please go and check on them?"

Alam replied, "I have already been there a couple of times. The fight is related to that only!"

Beer joke-Technique to sell twice

Andre staggers into the bar, completely sloshed. He asks the bar attendant for a beer and says to him, "I can share a technique with you which will help you sell twice the amount of beer."

The bar attendant asks, "Wow, what is it?"

Andre replies, "Nothing complicated. You simply have to pour full glasses."

Funny joke-Finally at rest

Rebecca, who had 9 children from her marriage to Dan, decided to remarry when Dan died. So she married Bosco and had 8 more children.

When Bosco died, Rebecca decided to marry one more time and had 6 more children from her marriage to John.

One day, Rebecca passes away. At the funeral, Father Gomes prayed for her and said, "Thank you Almighty, for they are finally together."

One of the mourners asked another, "Does Father Gomes mean Dan, Bosco or John?"

The other mourner replies, "I think he is referring to her legs."

Knock Knock joke-Forty

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Forty.

Forty who?

Forty please meet me at Martin's restaurant

An announcement

My Spanish friend David bought tickets to the European Football League match between FC Barcelona and Real Madrid to be played next Sunday 3rd July. You know how he got himself in a mess? He completely forgot that he is to get married on Sunday. Well, he had purchased the tickets a couple of days before finalizing the Wedding Day.

Now that there is no way the dates can be changed and considering it is the most significant event of his life, David would like to know if anybody is interested in tying the knot.

Birthday joke-Red Ferrari

Julie demands from her boyfriend Kevin, "Where is my birthday gift?"

Kevin replies, "Do you see the red Ferrari parked on the other side of the street?"

Julie starts screaming and jumping with joy.

"Hold on a minute", says Kevin, "I got you a lipstick of exactly the same colour!"

Knock Knock joke-Caller

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Caller.
Caller who?
Caller on her cellphone.

Funny joke-Missing

Tina said to her husband Rex, "What will you do if I go missing some day?"

Rex replied instantly, "I will give an ad in the papers."

Tine said, "And what will the ad read?"

Rex replied, "Finders keepers."

Doctor joke-Who is buying a car?

Dr. Jones had a difficult time convincing Peter that he needed to get operated for his appendix problem. Peter finally agreed and asked the doctor about the expenses involved in the operation.

Dr. Jones said, "Well, it will cost you around 10000 dollars."

Seeing the hesitation on Peter's face,  Dr. Jones said, "Listen I will make it easier for you. You can pay me an advance of 3000 dollars and give me the balance amount of 8000 dollars in small installments of 1000 dollars each month."

Peter said, "I feel like I am buying a car."

Dr. Jones nodded and said, "You are absolutely right - its not you but me who is buying a car."

Barber joke-A good time

I was at barber Eric's salon getting a haircut. I asked him casually, "When would be a good time to get my 3 year old boy for a haircut?"

Eric, who was not very fond of kids, replied promptly, "When he is five."

Blowing money

Sally says to her husband Jack, "Listen you need to stop drinking. You are spending all our money on alcohol."

Jack replies, "And what about you blowing a 100 dollars in the beauty salon? Isn't that wasting money?"

Sally says, "C'mon Jack, you know why I go there - so I look beautiful to you."

Jack replies, "And what do you think I drink alcohol for?"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Inconsolable

Linda was taking a walk when she noticed a small kid crying at the corner of the street. She bent and asked the little boy why he was crying. 

The boy, sobbing loudly, replied, "My uncle threw our three little puppies in the drain."

Linda, horrified by what she had just heard, reacted angrily, "Your uncle is evil. How could he do such a thing?"

The boy said, "That's true. He had promised that he would let me do it."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Ginger jokes-M. Jackson

Why is luck on the side of Ginger kiddos?

Cos they can have a room of their own when they stay at MJ's palace.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net