Hide!

Grandpa said to Little Tommy, "Isn't that your class teacher walking in through the gate? She must have come to inquire why you missed school today? Go and hide somewhere."

Little Tommy replied, "Grandpa, YOU hide! I called her and told her you died today."

Marrying Grandma

Little Tommy says to his father, "Daddy, I want to get married soon."

His father asked, "Why is that?"

Little Tommy replied, "I don't know but I want to get married. If you don't find a bride for me, I will marry grandma."

His father was amused and asked, "But why will you marry my mother?"

Little Tommy replied, "If you married my mother, why can't I marry yours?"

Distant brother

Laurel: Who is this boy?
Hardy: He is my distant brother.
Laurel: What do you mean by that??!
Hardy: Well, there are seven other brothers between us.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Helter-skelter

Jimmy was running helter-skelter in his uncle's house where he was spending his winter holidays. Despite many warnings, he continued to play inside the house and broke an ancient vase.

Uncle Andrew got very upset and screamed, "Do you have any idea how old that was? It was made in the eighteenth century.

"That's a relief!" exclaimed Jimmy, "almost thought it was brand new."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Bubba's daughter

Principal to teacher, "Do you know which one of your students is Bubba's daughter?"

Teacher replies, "Yes sir, she is the one who erases her notebook when I erase the blackboard."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Don't like my cheese

In playschool, my 4 year old son was offered emmentaler cheese. He was not too happy about it and said to the lady serving the snacks, "Miss, I don't want holes in my cheese."

The lady replied, "It's all right honey, just bite around the holes and leave them on your dish."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Proud daddy

When Jim came back from school, David could feel something was wrong with his son.

David asked, "How was school? Something wrong?"

Jim replied, "The principal threw me out of school."

David said, "What the hell did you do boy?"

Jim replied, "There is this boy in my class called Pete. He was bragging to me that sticks and stones may break his bones but he ain't afraid of words."

David,"So what?"

Jim said, "So I threw my wordbook at him!"

David exclaimed, "Proud of you, son!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Way to Heaven

Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"

Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"

Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"

Little Harry replied, "Dead!"

Valentine's Day jokes-Little Neil

Neil was just 3 years old when Valentine's Day came along. Knowing how much his mother Sue loved chocolates, he and his dad Peter gifted here a choco box with the shape of a heart.
Next morning, Neil could not help but eye the choco box hoping that he could get a piece to eat. As he touched one of the pieces, Sue said to him, "If you touch it, you got to eat it."

Neil's eyes lit up and he tapped all the chocos in the box and said, "I will have to eat 'em all now!"

God's gifts

When I was tucking in my two little children to bed, I said that God had given us eyes so we could see the world. Then I touched my daughter Mary's ears and said that God gave us ears to hear. Touching little Jack's nose, I said that God gifted us nose to smell. Hands to work & eat, and legs to run.

Mary asked, "But Mom, God must have made a mistake with Jack bcoz his nose runs and his feet smell."

Neil's letter

When my 5 year old son Neil was scribbling something on a notepad, I asked him teasingly, "Are you writing a letter to God?"

Neil replied, "No. I am writing a letter to myself."

I asked, "All right. What are you writing to yourself?"

Neil replied, "There's no way to know. I have not received the letter yet."

Be polite!

When I took my son Neel to a restaurant to have pizza, I could see how impatient he was getting waiting for the pizza to arrive.

When the waiter finally served the pizza, Neel quickly took the bigger piece for himself.

I thought I needed to talk to him, and said, "Neel, you gotta learn to be polite."

"Huh", said Neel, "What was that about?"

"You know what I am talking about", I said.

"Ok" said Neel. "If you had to pick up first, which one would you take?"

I replied, "The smaller one, of course."

Neel shot back, "You want the smaller one, you get the smaller one. So where is the problem?"

Dad's profession

My friend Sara was teaching her 3 year old son about various professions.

She asked little Roy, "What does a tailor do?"

Roy replied, "A tailor makes clothes."

Sara then asked him, "What does the milkman do?"

Roy replied, "He delivers milk."

She then asked, "Okay, what does your Dad do?"

Roy, knowing that his father was in the Air Force, replied, "He flashes his card wherever he goes."

How fast?

Roy lived in the countryside with his family. One morning, he was helping his buffalo give birth, when he noticed that his daughter, Kelly, was watching the entire event with curious eyes.

Roy thought to himself that one day he will have to explain to her about the birds and the bees. Why not grab the opportunity and start now, as this was a good occasion.

After the process was over, and a little baby buffalo was born, Roy walked up to Kelly and asked, "Well sweetheart, do you have any questions?"

Little Kelly, still shaken by the entire experience, asked, "How fast was the calf going when it hit the buffalo?"

The dead Sparrow

My friend Jason had taken his 5 year old daughter, Susie to the garden. Jason was sitting on a park bench watching Susie play with a ball. Suddenly, she stopped playing, and looked at something intently. Then she came running to Jason and said, "Come Daddy, I want to show you something."

She lead him to a tree near which a sparrow lay dead. Suzie asked him, "What happened to the sparrow?"

Jason replied, "The sparrow died and went to Heaven."

Susie said, "Oh! So why did God throw it back to Earth?"

A good sermon

Pastor John Warren closed his eyes for 2 minutes and bowed his head, before he left for the church to deliver his sermon.

His little son, Jeremy, who always observed him do so many times, asked him one day, "Why do you do that Dad?"

Pastor John was happy to see that his son noticed his gestures and said, "Before I leave for church, I ask God to help me preach a good sermon."

Jeremy said innocently, "So why doesn't He do it?"

Ring Bearer

Little Neil was very excited to attend his uncle's wedding. Stepping down the aisle, he would take a step, stop, face the crowd, twist his fingers like claws, and make a growling noise.

At every step he would repeat it. He would take turns to be on the groom's side, the groom being his uncle, and do his act. And then he would go to the bride's side and repeat the clawing, growling. The crowd was amused by these dramatics and everyone started laughing.

Little Niel, however, was getting upset by all the attention & laughing and would have cried had his mother not consoled him.

When his mother asked him what he was doing, Little Niel replied, "I played the Ring Bear."

Phantom

Dana and Ted's granddaughter, Alice had come to stay with them for the summer vacations, and they decided to take the kid out for dinner. The pizzeria where they went, had movie memorabilia plastered on all the walls.

Ted was in the queue to order their pizza, and when he returned, he saw little Alice staring at a poster of Phantom standing in a phone booth. Seeing a puzzled expression on Alice's face, Ted asked Dana, "Doesn't she know who Phantom is?"

"Worse, "Dana replied, "Alice doesn't even know what a phone booth is!"

Jovie's wits

David asks his little son Jovie, "Tell me Jovie, whom do you love more, Mom or Dad?"

Jovie had learnt to be diplomatic at an early age. So he replied, "I love you both the same."

David said, "Son, you need to choose between one of us."

Jovie replied, "My answer is BOTH!"

So, David decides to test him further and asks, "Ok, if I go to London and your mother decides to go to Rome, where will you go?"

Jovie says, "I will go to Rome."

David says to his son, "That means you love your mother more than you love me."

Jovie replies, "No. I want to go to Rome because it is more beautiful than London."

David tests his son again, "Fine, if I go to Rome and your mother goes to London, who will you go with?"

Jovie replies, "I will go to London."

David says, "Why? You just said Rome is better."

Jovie chuckles and says,"But I have just visited Rome, right?"

Broke bicycle

Little Pamela watched as her mother welcomed Aunt Dorris into the living room. Little Pamela asked her aunt if she would like to go to the backyard to see her bicycle.

Aunt Dorris agreed and they went to the backyard where a brand new bicycle was parked.

Aunt Dorris, "Wow, that's a beautiful bicycle! Can you ride it?"

"Of course I can ride it!" said Little Pamela, and then added sadly, "but it's broke."

Aunt Dorris looked again at the bicycle and it seemed absolutely ok to her.

So she asked her, "It looks fine to me. What's wrong with it?"

Little Pamela said, "Its strange. Whenever I ride it, it falls down!"