Adult jokes-Note

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."

Really funny jokes-Old woman's woes

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22-year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
I said, "Okay, so why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

Adult jokes-Little accident

A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a sales man standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

Hilarious short jokes-Honesty

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

Really funny jokes-The lessons of age

Lessons of age-Senior humor
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Now that I'm older....here' s what I've discovered: "I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it."

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's that sudden stop at the end.

Sardar jokes-Black Tie Party

A Sardar received an invitation, to a party which said “Black Tie Only”!!
When he went to the party he was surprised to find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts as well !!!!

Best funny jokes-School days are over

Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw 1 strap of your bra.
Teacher: GET OUT of the classroom for 1 week..
2nd boy laughed.
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 2: I saw both straps.
Teacher: GET OUT FOR 1 MONTH.
She bent down to pick up a piece of chalk, Little Johny started walking out.
Teacher: Johny, why are you going out?
Little Johny : Judging from what I just saw, I think my school days are over.