Doctor jokes-Before the pain

A Swede doctor gives instructions to his patient.

Doctor: “It is of vital importance that you take this particular medicine right one hour before you get your pains.”

Very funny jokes-Habits

The Indian groom says to his bride on the wedding night, "I want to confess that I had 15 love affairs before we got married."

The bride instead of getting upset, said brightly, "I knew it! When our horoscopes matched, I was sure our habits would also match!!"

Zen question-Forest officers

Zen question
Where do forest officers go to "get away from it all"?

Adult jokes-That kinda guy

Derek was tired of working at a logging venue for what seemed to be like an eternity. So he decides to go to town and have some serious fun. He goes to a Bed and Breakfast place asks the owner, "Where do I go if I want a little fun around here?"

The owner answered, "There ain't no women for miles, but if you want it real bad, we have a Chinese cook."

"Hey, I'm not that kinda guy!" said Derek, and went away.

A week went by, and Derek was back to the owner's cabin. He said, "Lets suppose I opted for the Chinese cook, how many people would have to know about it?"

The owner replied "Hmm... there's me, there's you, him, that's six in all, we need three to hold him down - he's not that kinda guy either!!"

Pun-Dead

Making fun of dead people is a grave mistake!

Really funny jokes-Beckham's holiday

Posh and Becks had taken a cab from Heathrow Airport to Central London.

"Where have you been?" asks the cabbie.

"New York," says Beckham. "We saw a show and did some shopping."

"Did you have any nice meals?" asks the cabbie.

"Yes, one really great one."

"What was the name of the restaurant?" asks the cabbie.

"Dunno. I can't remember. Name some big railway stations in London," says Beckham.

The cabbie begins: "Waterloo, Paddington, Victoria..."

Beckham interrupts excitedly: "That's it! Victoria, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?"

Mother's day joke

On Mother's Day, there was a family get-together and everyone was having a great time around the dinner table.

Later, when the Mother of the family started to wash the dishes, her newly-married daughter, Emily came up to her and said with a lot of concern, "Hey Mom - please don't bother with the dishes. Today is Mother's Day and you can't be doing this, you can always do them tomorrow."

Football jokes-Coach

What is the main function of the Indian coach?

To transport the team from the hotel to the playground.

Really funny jokes-Good news for convict

Jerry Pinto, the lawyer pays a visit to his client on death row, and says to him, "I have some good news for you, George."

George, the client says, "What good news can there possibly be? You lost my case, I was convicted of a murder I did not commit, and I've been sentenced to die in the electric chair!"

Jerry Pinto, the lawyer says, "Yes, but I got the voltage reduced."

Short funny jokes-Women’s lives

Women’s lives are healthier and more satisfactory compared to men.

Reason: Women don’t have wives!

Hilarious jokes-Tension

A man was suffering from insomnia and went to see a doctor. After a thorough checkup, the doctor declared, “The only remedy for this suffering is not to take tension with you when you go to bed.”

Patient replies, “That’s exactly what I have been telling my wife. But she is not prepared to use the guest room.”

Ollie and Lena jokes

Doctor to Lena: “Madam, your husband is really critical. See that he remains in a good mood. Don’t make demands that trouble him, don’t discuss your problems, if any, with him. If you continue to follow all these instructions along with good homemade food, he is likely to survive.”

When Lena reached home, Ollie asked: “What was the report? What did the doctor say?”

Lena: “Oh, nothing much. There is little chance of your survival.”

Short funny jokes-Dumbest actress

Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?

A: She’s the one sleeping with the writer.

Really funny jokes-Catchy tune

Mike and his wife Dara were walking across Southsea Common one Sunday afternoon. In the bandstand the combo was playing a catchy sounding tune, and Dara said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is."

Mike noticed that there was a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the titles of the tunes they play. I'll go down and see."

A while later Mike returned and said to Dara, "It's one I don't know, it's called 'The Refrain from Spitting'."