Really funny jokes-Boy baby

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"

The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"

"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.

"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"

Good jokes-You might be a Statistician if

You Might Be a Statistician if...

no one wants your job.
you are right 95% of the time.
you feel complete and sufficient.
you found accountancy too exciting.
you never have to say you are certain.
you may not be normal but you are transformable.

Obama jokes-Unusual gift

“It’s a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That’s quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million.”
–Craig Ferguson

Really funny jokes-Pregnancy Dictionary

Pregnancy Dictionary

Afterbirth:
When the hard part begins.

Cravings:
An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Dilation:
One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's word for.

Elastiphobia:
Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."

First Trimester:
The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"

Maternity Clothes:
What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.

Miracle:
1. The birth of a baby.
2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.

Obstetrician:
The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.

Pregnant Pause:
The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.

Prenatal:
When your life was still your own.

Pushing:
The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of a dime.

Second Trimester:
The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"

Third Trimester:
The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"

Kids jokes-CD Holder

My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun.

During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house.

Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it where the sun doesn't shine!"

The electrician took a break.

Celebrity jokes-Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent

Q: What did Snoop Dogg say to 50 Cent when he saw him putting on a sweater?

A: Hey G, you knit?

Funny jokes-Signs You are Addicted to the Internet

Signs You are Addicted to the Internet

* You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.

* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.

* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.

* You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.

* All you daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3...

* And even your night dreams are in HTML.