Pregnancy Dictionary
Afterbirth:
When the hard part begins.
Cravings:
An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
Dilation:
One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's word for.
Elastiphobia:
Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."
First Trimester:
The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
Maternity Clothes:
What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.
Miracle:
1. The birth of a baby.
2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.
Obstetrician:
The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.
Pregnant Pause:
The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.
Prenatal:
When your life was still your own.
Pushing:
The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of a dime.
Second Trimester:
The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"
Third Trimester:
The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"
Afterbirth:
When the hard part begins.
Cravings:
An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
Dilation:
One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's word for.
Elastiphobia:
Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."
First Trimester:
The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
Maternity Clothes:
What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.
Miracle:
1. The birth of a baby.
2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.
Obstetrician:
The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.
Pregnant Pause:
The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.
Prenatal:
When your life was still your own.
Pushing:
The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of a dime.
Second Trimester:
The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"
Third Trimester:
The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"