Short funny jokes-Odor eaters

Did you hear about the filthy old biker who put Odor Eaters in his riding boots?

Three days later, he disappeared.

Sardar jokes-The farting buffalo

Santa needed a buffalo as few of his customers demanded buffalo milk. He asked around and learnt that good buffaloes were available in the village of Vanipur. So off Santa went to Vanipur and came across a farmer who wanted to sell his animal. The farmer told him to see the animal first and if he liked it, they could negotiate the deal.

They went to the back of the house where the well built animal was lazing. Santa reached under its belly and pulled the teats. No milk came out but the animal farted unusually loud. Santa was taken aback but decided to try another teat. This time too, the animal farted but milk came out in abundance. So Santa bought the animal from the farmer.

Back home, Santa called his neighbor Banta for his opinion about the buy. Banta reached under and pulled the animal’s teats. The buffalo farted. Banta said: “I am hundred percent sure you bought it from Vanipur.”

Santa was amazed: “Yes, but how did you know?”

Banta: “My wife is from Vanipur.”

Bad memory

There are three old men seated inside a doctor's cabin - all suffering from bad memory.

The doctor wants to take a little test - so he asks the first old man, "Can you tell me what is four times four?"

The first man replies, "756".

The doctor can't believe this. So he moves on to the second old man asks him, "Your turn. What is four times four?"

The second man replies, "Friday".

The doctor shakes his head in disbelief and then asks the third man, "Do you think you have the answer?"

The third old man replies, "Sixteen".

"Wonderful!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Easy," the third old man replies, "Just add 756 to Friday."

One line jokes-Lazy

My friend Jack is really lazy - he’s the only one I know who has installed a smoke alarm with a snooze function.

Funny jokes-Strange name

Naomi took her child into a Child care hospital for a routine check-up with a pediatrician. On the records, the nurse noticed that the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not wanting to be rude, but curious to know why this woman had given her child such a weird name, the nurse asked the mother how Urine got her name.

Naomi explained, "Well, my baby was born prematurely and had to stay in the special nursery. She was very sick and they were not sure if she would survive. I couldn't decide what name to give her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One day I came in and the nurses had already named her. There was this paper on her incubator that said 'Please save Urine', so I knew what they had named my baby."

Funny jokes-Adventures in sky diving

Amy was interested in learning how to sky dive. She approached an instructor and started her training. The instructor asked her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord. He then told her that he would himself jump right behind her so that they would sail down together.

Amy said she was ready to jump. The instructor reminded her that he would be right behind her. Amy jumped from the plane, and after being airborne for a while, pulled the rip cord. The instructor jumped after her. He pulled his rip cord but there was some snag and the parachute did not open. The instructor, furiously tried to open his parachute and while trying to do so, rushed past Amy. Amy seeing this, undid the straps to her parachute and shouted, "So you are in the mood to race, huh?"

Really funny jokes-Undeclared landing

In a very high-security zone of the Air Force, a Cessna suddenly arrived undeclared. The Air Force personnel, surprised by its arrival, wasted no time in impounding the aircraft and taking the pilot into custody.

When questioned in the interrogation room, the pilot replied that he took off from Vegas, lost his way, and spotted the Air Force Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force did a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him in custody for the night while the investigation was on.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot was not a spy and had really lost his way. They refueled his airplane, gave him a detailed briefing, warning him to remember that he had never seen the secret Air Force base and that there would be terrible consequences if he ever spoke about the secret base to anyone. He was then allowed to take off.

The next day, to their total disbelief, the Air Force personnel see the same Cessna land there once again. The plane is immediately surrounded by the Military guards but this time, they notice there are 2 people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do whatever you want to do to me, my wife has come with me, just tell her where I was last night!"

Twitter joke

Gary gets into a cab.

Cab Driver: Guess you are in town for the Twitter convention?

Gary. You are right. I could learn so much.

Cab Driver: Any pointers you would like to share?

Gary: Yes, follow That_Car.

Short funny jokes-Liposuction

Q. What did the patient say to the irritating doctor during her Liposuction surgery?

A. Doctor, you are really beginning to get under my skin!!

Funny jokes-Bank Manager's dilemma

A Harley rider and his girlfriend go to a bank for a loan to purchase a home for themselves. They turn up in tight leather pants, both have long hair, tattoos, wear bandanas and dark shades.

The bank manager is in a bit of a fix and cannot understand which one is male and which one's female. Not sure how to convey his dilemma, he finally asks, "Ok, which one of you has the menstrual cycle?"

The biker replied,"Must be her, I ride a Harley."

Types of milk

Joe was visiting the country with his father. His father owned a farm house with some cows in it.

Joe asks his father, "Hey dad, can you tell me what are the types of milk available.

His father replied, "Hmmm...there is evaporated milk, malted milk, buttermilk, pasteurized milk, partly skimmed milk etc.....why do you wanna know?"

Joe replies, "It's just that I am drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many spigots to put on her."

Funny jokes-Act your age

A lady is running out of luck at the roulette table in a casino. She is left with only $500 and is absolutely desperate. She cries out, "This is the heights of bad luck! What in heaven's name should I do now?"

A gentleman standing next to her, tries to console her and says, "Why don't you just play your age?"

He goes away but in a short while, he hears some commotion and walks back to the roulette table. He is surprised to see the lady lying unconscious on the floor, while a crowd had gathered around her.

He asks the operator, "What happened to her? Is she ok?"

The operator replies, "I have no idea sir, she put all her money on 28. When 37 showed up, she just fainted!"

Butcher pun

A boy goes to a butcher shop and tells the butcher, "Can you please give me the ones from the top shelf".

The butcher replies, "I am sorry, the steaks are too high."

Eating a frog

An economist and an accountant are taking a stroll in the countryside and they come across a pond. They find a frog sitting at the edge of the pond. The economist says to the accountant, "I challenge you to eat that frog. If you do, I'll give you $10,000!"

The accountant thinks about his funds and concludes he could do with some extra money, so he grabs the frog, eats it and collects the money.

A week later, they pass by the same pond, and again they notice a frog. This time the accountant challenges the economist, saying, "Eat that frog and you'll get $10,000."

After assessing the situation, the economist decides to go ahead. So he eats the frog and collects the money.

They are on their way, when the accountant says, "To think about it, we both have the same amount of money as we had before, but we both ate the frogs. How are we any better off?"

The economist replied, "What you say is true but you ignored the fact that we have been just involved in trade of $40,000."

Hilarious jokes-The considerate Sergeant

Sergeant Davis was conducting a drill one morning when he was given a letter. After reading the letter, he yelled, "Private Thompson...Stand up!....You mother is DEAD!"

Private Thompson broke down on hearing the news and passed out.

Sergeant Wilson, who witnessed the little incident, said to Sergeant Davis, "Had you broken the news to him softly, he wouldn't have been so upset."

After a few months, Sergeant Davis was running another drill, when he received a letter again, stating that Private Thompson's father had expired. Sergeant Davis, determined to be more considerate this time, shouted, "Everyone whose father is still alive, take one step forward."

They did as told.

Then Sergeant Davis shouted, "PRIVATE THOMPSON...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

One line jokes-Conduct

Lightning occasionally shocks people as it just does not understand how to conduct itself.

Geographical explanation

Many people do not understand how we ran out of oil here in the United States.

The answer's quite simple - nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were falling short.

And most importantly, there is a geographical explanation to it. While all the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arkansas, Colorado and Alaska, all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

Hilarious jokes-Possibly dead

There are these two women from the trailer park who are having a conversation.

One asks the other, "How's the husband doing?"

The other replies, "He is possibly dead."

The first woman asks, "What do you mean..possibly dead?"

The second woman answers, "Well, the love making is the same but he hasn't done any work on the Harley in the last 10 days!"

Redneck jokes-At the workplace

How can you tell if there is a redneck at your workplace

1. He calls the mouse a critter.

2. He has a gun-rack mounted on the CPU.

3. His password is bubba.

4. He puts a Dale Earnhardt sticker on Windows 95.

5. You will find whiskey stains on outgoing faxes.

6. His printer is very slow as he doesn't read very fast.

7. He installs Dodge truck parts in the extra RAM slots of his PC.

8. You'll find that the menus all have Black Label, Old Milwaukee and Bud options.

9. His monitor is up on blocks.

10. You find a skoal can in the CD-ROM.

Hollywood divorces

Hollywood divorces

It is customary in Hollywood to get married early in the morning. It helps in the sense if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

The most difficult thing in Hollywood is to keep the marriage a secret until the news of the divorce leaks out.

A Hollywood kid felt very proud. The reason - at the last Parent-Teachers meeting, she was given a prize for having the most parents there.

One Hollywood actress is known to be very sentimental: she is very particular about always getting divorced in the dress her mother was married in.

Hilarious jokes-Smart answer

A woman is keen to start working again now that her kids had grown up. She had taken a break of 10 years from work and is all set to enter the corporate life once again.

She wants to get her physical done before she applies for a job. So she goes and gets her physical done. When she returns home from the doctor's, her husband notices she is in an excellent mood.

So he asks her, says; "What are you so cheerful about?"

She replies, "The doc told me I have the body of a 20 year old and the heart of a teenager."

The husband jokes,"Did he say anything about your fifty year old arse?"

She snaps back, "No, he never mentioned you!"

Grape story

Question: Did the grape say anything when someone stepped on it?

Answer: It did not say anything, but it gave out a little whine when it was crushed.

Little Johnny jokes-Hate war?

The History teacher had just finished a chapter on World War I.

She asked the class, "How many of you are against war?"

A number of hands shot up. The teacher said, "Ok, Little Johnny, you tell us, why are you not in favor of war?"

"I hate war, miss." Little Johnny said, "That's because wars end up making history, and history is my least favorite subject."

Hilarious jokes-Finding a race winner

A rich racehorse businessman calls for the services of a geneticist, a physiologist and a physicist. He told them he would award a million dollars to the one who could accurately identify race-winning horses. After several weeks of working on the horses, they were ready with their conclusions to be reported to the billionaire.

The geneticist reported, "I've considered all the current genetic research, checked blood-lines going back several decades, but there are just too many behavioral and environmental factors to arrive at a definite conclusion."

The physiologist reported, "I've checked muscle mass, bone volume and density, and all the other factors I can think of, but it seems to be too complex. It is too difficult to predict a winner."

Finally, it is the physicist's turn who seems to be very relaxed and reports while handing an index card to the billionaire. "There you are," he says "I've found an equation that can identify a winning horse."

"Great!" exclaims the billionaire, "Do you want cheque or cash?"

"Err...there's one little thing that you should know," said the physicist. "It only works for a spherically symmetric horse running in a vacuum."

Short funny jokes-Preying

A nagging wife to her husband: “You don’t care. Something is preying on my mind.”

Husband: “Don’t you panic, it will find nothing.”

Funny jokes-Mafia don

A Mafia don calls his home.

The butler picks up the phone and says: Hello

Mafia don: Give the phone to my wife.

Butler: Just a moment.

The Butler comes back and says: She is in the bathroom.

Mafia Don: I said I want to speak to her NOW!

Butler: I am sorry but she cannot come to the phone right now.

Mafia Don: If you do not get her on the phone in a minute, I am going to blow your head into smithereens.

Butler (now scared): You do not understand, there is a man with her in the bathroom.

Mafia Don: What did you say??

Butler: Yes, it's true.

Mafia Don: Listen carefully, I want you to take the gun from my closet and then shoot them both.

Butler (scared out of his wits) : I can't do that, I can never kill anyone.

Mafia Don: Do it right now!

Butler: No, I can't!

Mafia Don: If you don't do it right now, I will kill you and your family. Now get on it with- I want to hear the shots, and don't forget to get rid of the gun.

Butler: Uh, all right.

The Mafia Don then hears two loud shots over the phone.

Butler (badly shaken) : I did it!

Mafia Don: Good work. What did you do with the gun?

Butler: I threw the gun in the pool.

Mafia Don: What pool are you talking about? We don't have a pool? Is this 747-5498?

Positive

A proton and a neutron were taking a walk down the road.

The proton said, "Wait a minute, I think I dropped an electron. Can you help me find it."

The neutron said, "Are you sure?"

The proton replied "Of course, I am positive."

Short funny jokes-Watch your health

My granddad always used to tell me: "No need to watch your money; always watch your health."

So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my granddad.

Harley Davidson joke

Sir Isaac Newton goes to a cocktail party and introduces himself to a smart looking person and asks, "Do you mind telling me your IQ?"

The guy answers, " It's 208."

"Truly amazing!" says Newton. "We will talk about the Big Bang theory and the other mysteries of the universe. I think we can have a long conversation!"

Newton then finds another man and asks him about his IQ, to which the man replies, "its 137."

"Wonderful!" says Newton. "We can discuss politics and world peace."

Newton goes to a third person asks, "What is your IQ?"

The man answers, "53."

Newton excited exclaims, "So it's you who owns the Harley Davidson parked out front!"

Elephant hunt

There was this Indian who went to the jungle to hunt an elephant but had to give up mid-way as he developed hernia from carrying the decoy.

The hot dog experience

Two Irish nuns, who have just arrived in the US, are hungry and one says to the other, "I have heard that the Americans actually actually eat dogs."

"That's strange," the other nun replied, "but if we are to live here, might as well do as the Americans do." Agreeing to this, the first nun notices a hot dog vendor and they both decide to have hot dogs.

They ordered for two hot-dogs and as soon as the vendor gave it to them, they hurriedly found a bench to savor the American food. The first nun took out her hot-dog from the foil, stared at it for a while and whispered to the other nun, "Which part did you get?"

Short funny jokes-Pascal programmers

Q. Why do all Pascal programmers want to live in Atlantis?

A. The reason is it is below C level.

Hilarious jokes-Clean cup

There were two customers in a Cafe.

As the waiter approached them, the first customer said: "I'll have coffee."

The second customer, who was snooty, said: "Coffee for me, too. And make sure that the cup is clean!"

The waiter returns with the coffee after a while and says: "Two coffees as you ordered. Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"

Last smoke

A prisoner who was given the capital punishment was getting ready to be hanged. A prison official asked him if he would like a last smoke.

The convict replied, "No thank you, I never smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."

Dark scary night

There was this traveler who was hitchhiking on a dark night with rain and thunderstorm. He was out of the city limit waiting for a ride. Time passed but there was no car in sight on this ghostly night. The wind was blowing hard and rain was lashing his face. He was tired, hungry and miserable and could hardly see anything in the dark. Then he saw a ghostlike figure of a car moving slowly, inch by inch towards him. He was desperate and so without waiting for usual formalities of asking permission, he took opportunity of the slow movement of the car, jumped in closing the door after him. Only then he saw that there was no one in the car, not even a driver. He could not hear the sound of engine and yet the car was moving.

The traveler was terrified. He began to pray for his safety as he had heard a lot of ghost stories in this area. He was too scared to make a move and jump out. So he sat frozen. Then all of a sudden, a hand from nowhere reached in from the front window to guide the car near a curve and disappeared as suddenly after negotiating the curve. The traveler was frozen scared. When the next curve came and the hand appeared from nowhere, he gathered his wits and jumped out of the slow moving car too fearful to see right and left and ran for his life. After what seemed an eternity he reached a small town and saw a bar in the middle of the road. Scared, wet and shocked, he barged into the bar and ordered three straight shots of whiskey on ice and gulped them down.

Regaining his breath, he told everyone present in the bar of his experience with the ghost car. People realized that he was no drunk shooting his mouth and was speaking the truth. All murmur stopped and there was pin drop silence. The atmosphere became spooky.

After about three quarters of an hour, Dean and Martin walked into the bar and Dean exclaimed: “Look over there to your right Mart, there sits that son of a gun who rode our car when we were pushing it in rain.”

Nothing to wear

Jerry came home from office at two in the afternoon as he had forgotten to carry an important file. He found his wife without a stitch on their bed.

Jerry, obviously surprised, said to her, “Brenda, what do you think you are doing lying there like that at this time of the day?”

Brenda replied, “I don’t have anything proper to wear.”

Jerry opened their cupboard and said. “What the hell………you have countless dresses, see……here’s one dress……second dress……third one…...the fourth…………"hi there Tom”………here’s the fifth……..”

Short funny jokes-Many sources

When you copy an idea from one source, it is plagiarism.

When you copy many ideas from many sources, it is research.

Doctor jokes-Tweets

A Doctor sent a tweet to his patient saying:
‘I have your test results - you have venereal disease and need immediate treatment’

The patient tweets back:
‘Can I get a second opinion?’

The good doctor tweets:
‘Yes, your Twitter page is horrible too.’

Scary joke-Passing through the graveyard

On his way home, Bob is taking a shortcut through a graveyard in the middle of the night, when he is alarmed by a continuous tapping sound. As Bob moves closer to the source of the sound, he finds a man sitting by a grave and tapping at a headstone.

Bob notices that the man was adding the letter 'r' at the end of the name that was carved in the stone.

Tom says to the man, "A little late for work like that, isn't it?"

"Right", says the man. "But I don't like it when someone spells my name wrong."

Short funny jokes-Take home pay

Santa: Why is a Take-home pay called so?

Banta: That's because it's way too small to go home by itself.

Funny hilarious jokes-The Evolution of an Arithmetic Problem

The Evolution of an Arithmetic Problem

1950:
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price. What is the profit?

1960 (traditional math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price, or in other words $80. What is his profit?

1970 (new math):
A lumberjack exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C is a subset of set M, of cardinality 80. What is the cardinality of the set P of profits, if P is the difference set MC?

1980 (equal opportunity math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of wood for $100. His or her cost of production is $80, and his or her profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

1990 (outcome based education):
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a lumber person makes $20. What do you think of his way of making a living? In your group, discuss how the forest birds and squirrels feel, and write an essay about it.

1995 (entrepreneurial math):
By laying off 402 of its lumberjacks, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

1998 (motivational math):
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fell-able trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the ROI (return on investment) of the lobbying?

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".

The learning priest

Robert, the young priest, raised in a small sleepy town, is getting ready to hear confessions for the first time and he is nervous as hell. So he requests the older priest to sit in on his sessions, so he can gain some confidence.

The young priest hears a few confessions, after which the old priest suggests him to come out so they could have a discussion.

The Old priest says, "I suggest that you cross your arms, rub your chin and say things like "Ok, I see" or "Yes, carry on" or "I understand".

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin and repeats all the expressions the older priest had suggested.

The old priest remarks, "What do you say, isn't it better than slapping your knee and saying, "No bull.. what happened after that?"

Waitress witnessed terrible accident

As the waitress entered the bar, the bartender demanded, "Why are you late?"

The waitress explained,"It was terrible. I was crossing the road, when I witnessed a dreadful accident. A guy was hit by a speeding car and he was lying there on the street, with his hands and skull fractured. he was a bloody mess. Thank God I had taken that first-aid course."

The bartender asked, "How did you handle it?"

She replied, "I sat on the ground and put my head between my knees so I would not faint!"

Clean jokes-Baldness

Tell you what, I got to know some hair-raising facts related to baldness...

And I learnt it in hair-splitting details!!

Funny jokes-Special offer

Dean was out with his car in search of a petrol pump. He saw a pump on the corner of a highway. There was a big board inviting customers: “Come one, come all, special scheme for a tank full of petrol.” 

So Dean drove in and asked the attendant about the scheme and was directed to the manager. The manager said: “See mate, it is like this. You get your tank filled up full and bring the slip to me here in this cabin. I will guess one number between One and seven in my mind. All you have to do is to guess the correct number that is in my mind and if it matches, you go in the back cabin over there and you get free love.”

Dean got excited, ran back to his car, got his tank full and returned back to the manager with his slip. "All right” the manager said “I have decided a number between one and seven in my mind, make your guess.” 

Dean said: “Seven.”

The manager said: “Oh sir, you were so close. The number was six. Dean was disappointed but not dejected. He gave another shot after a few days with the same result: “My god, your guess was close enough but not right. I am sorry sir, but no free love for you.”

Next day, Dean narrated the story to his friend, Martin over a drink and said: “Marty, the manager is a cheat. If he guessed seven and I say seven, what stops him from saying it was six? He can change the number in his mind anytime he wants to. It’s a scam, I tell you, that's what it is.”

Martin: “Hey wait Dean, that manager is no cheat and there is no scam, I assure you.’

Dean: “How can you be so sure?”

Martin: “My wife went there twice last week and won both times.”

Funny puns-Raining

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

Office jokes-Project management

Project management is like making love; no matter how well planned it is, you always end up in a rush.

Funny jokes-Knowledge pills

Circa 2062, mankind has advanced and found a way to package basic knowledge in pill form. 

Jim, a student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature." Jim takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.

"What else do you have?" asks Jim.

"Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

Jim asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then Jim asks: "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires Jim.

The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

More funny things to do during an exam

 More funny things to do during an exam

1. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

2. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

3. Comment on how cute the instructor is looking that day.

4. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

5. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

6. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

7. Bring a water pistol with you.

8. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

9. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

10. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

11. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

12. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

13. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "

14. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

15. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

16. One word: Wrestlemania.

17. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

18. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

19. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

20. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

21. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

22. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

23. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

24. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

25. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor ABC is a Terrible Teacher"

Really funny jokes-The excuse

Aron goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Aron" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Aron, "I knew I could count on you!"