Argument with wife

After a heated argument with his wife Lisa, John said to himself enough is enough. He packed his bags and was walking out of the house, when Lisa screamed from behind, "Hope you have a slow and agonizing death, you swine!"

John shot back, "So now you don't want me to go.."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Dining table

At the Cricket Stadium, Santa says to Banta, "I wish I had got my dining table to the Cricket match."

Banta says, "Why would you bring a dining table to the Cricket match?"

Santa replies, "Because I forgot my tickets on it."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Whose fault is it?

Pablo, David and Juan were all discussing the poor state of their local football team.

Pablo said, "The manager is responsible. If he had selected better players, we would have had a good team."

David commented, "It is the players' fault. Had they played better, we could have seen some more goals."

Juan exclaimed, "My parents are to be blamed! Had they given me birth in another town, I wud have been supporting a good club!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Latvian joke

Boka: I had a typical Latvian meal today at a friend's place.

Poka: Really? What were you served?

Boka: Nothing!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Mood swing

Q: How do you get a ginger guy's mood to swing?

A: Wait for 15 seconds!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Anti joke-M.J.

Why did Michael Jackson call the school?

Because he wanted to give his children an education.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Physics jokes-Well defined

When eight-year-old Tom was asked to define Newton's first law, he blabbered, "Bodies that are moving, should remain moving, and bodies that are resting will remain so unless their moms force them outta bed!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Ginger jokes-M. Jackson

Why is luck on the side of Ginger kiddos?

Cos they can have a room of their own when they stay at MJ's palace.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Hide money

Ana says to Phil, "Where do we keep our money? Our son has a bad habit of stealing money where ever I keep it - in the locker or the wardrobe or the bags. I am really concerned"

Phil replies, "The safest place would be his studybooks. He will never look there."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Punny jokes - Thrown out

I still can't digest the fact that I was thrown out of a Calendar company!

What did I do? I just took a week off.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Anti joke

Laurel: What is black and bad for your teeth?

Hardy: A Stone.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Advice before the operation

Old man Juan Carlos was in the operation room, waiting for his son, a noted cardiologist, to perform a surgery on him.

Before the assistant doctor could administer anesthesia, Juan Carlos requested that he be allowed to speak to his doctor son in private. When they were alone, Juan Carlos said, "I love you, my son. Do not be nervous. You have many years of experience behind you so give it your best shot. If something goes wrong, just remember that your mom is gonna move to your place permanently to spend the rest of her life with you and your wife."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Helter-skelter

Jimmy was running helter-skelter in his uncle's house where he was spending his winter holidays. Despite many warnings, he continued to play inside the house and broke an ancient vase.

Uncle Andrew got very upset and screamed, "Do you have any idea how old that was? It was made in the eighteenth century.

"That's a relief!" exclaimed Jimmy, "almost thought it was brand new."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Burial ground

John is driving with his 5 year old son and they pass a burial ground. John glances at his son Tod and says, "Can you guess why they can't bury me here?"

Tod asks, "Why?"

John replies, "Cos I ain't dead yet!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net