Anti joke

Laurel: What is black and bad for your teeth?

Hardy: A Stone.

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Advice before the operation

Old man Juan Carlos was in the operation room, waiting for his son, a noted cardiologist, to perform a surgery on him.

Before the assistant doctor could administer anesthesia, Juan Carlos requested that he be allowed to speak to his doctor son in private. When they were alone, Juan Carlos said, "I love you, my son. Do not be nervous. You have many years of experience behind you so give it your best shot. If something goes wrong, just remember that your mom is gonna move to your place permanently to spend the rest of her life with you and your wife."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Helter-skelter

Jimmy was running helter-skelter in his uncle's house where he was spending his winter holidays. Despite many warnings, he continued to play inside the house and broke an ancient vase.

Uncle Andrew got very upset and screamed, "Do you have any idea how old that was? It was made in the eighteenth century.

"That's a relief!" exclaimed Jimmy, "almost thought it was brand new."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Burial ground

John is driving with his 5 year old son and they pass a burial ground. John glances at his son Tod and says, "Can you guess why they can't bury me here?"

Tod asks, "Why?"

John replies, "Cos I ain't dead yet!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Baby pig

I saw my friend Pablo in the market and greeted him. I was surprised to see that he was carrying a baby pig in his arms.

I asked him, "Hey, what are you doing with this pig?"

Pablo replied, "Well, I found him in the park. Think he is lost. Anyway, I am going to adopt him. Since we have no kids of our own, this little fellow is going to live with us like family. He will have his meals with us, and sleep in our bed."

I asked him, "Will the smell not be bothersome?"

Pablo replied, "Ah, the little fellow will have to get used to it, just like I did." 

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

No shame

When Ranbir farted loudly at a friend's party, the silence that followed was deafening!

Jasbir, who was standing next to him, said angrily, "Do you have no shame farting in front of my wife?"

Ranbir replied, "You will have to forgive me please. I had no idea it was her turn."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Three more days

The doctor said to Santa Singh who wife has just undergone a complicated operation, "Mr. Singh, I am sorry to say your wife has only 3 more days to live."

Santa Singh replied, "Don't be sorry for me. It's a matter of only 3 more days. This time will also pass!"

Lipstick

Joselina screamed at her husband Bubba, "What is the meaning of these lipstick marks on your shirt?"

Bubba said, "I am clueless how those lipstick marks appeared. I am sure I was not wearing anything at that time."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Pun joke

I turn on the shower, every time I remove my clothes in the bathroom.

Anti joke - Jealous

I am jealous of guys who can give back witty retorts cos in my case, I require a two-day notice in the least!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Stalking

Robbie said to his friend, "I have reason to believe that Stacy, the girl next door is stalking me."

His friend asked him what made him think so.

Robbie replied, "She has been looking up my profile on all search engines last night. I spotted it through my binoculars."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Repulsive!

Roger was discussing his wife while seated at the local pub. He said to his friends, "I am divorcing that good-for-nothing woman! Her habits are repulsive. I mean just this morning I went to take a leak in the sink and it was piled up with dirty dishes from last nite's dinner!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

With all that wealth

Justin was caught red-handed misappropriating funds of the organization he worked for. So he ran to his lawyer who assured him by saying, "Relax Justin. You will never go to prison with all that wealth!"

The lawyer was right. Actually when Justin was put behind bars, he did not have a penny on him!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Which one?

Andrea was mad at her husband Phil and she screamed, "I saw you at Erning Street when I was buying stuff for the house."

She continued, "I saw you with a gorgeous blonde and you both went into the Parkside hotel. I want you to explain and I want you to be honest!"

Phil said to her, "All right, please make up your mind, which one do you want?"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net