smart elderly man

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: Picnic tables, horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

a drunk

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
'They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator, ' he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. 'Never mind,' said the drunk with a hiccup, 'I got in the
backseat by mistake.'

Hopping and Bouncing and Skipping

An obese blonde with unhealthy overweight, went to Doctor. Her doctor put her on a diet with strict advise. "I want you to eat regularly for two days and then skip a day. I want you to repeat this
procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Wow, this is amazing!" the doctor said,
"So you did follow my instructions? "

The blonde nodded yes. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" The Doctor asked.
"No, from skipping", The Blonde explained.

brilliant answer

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic."Try to do it when the engine is running".

Where to tap

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed? The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster.

He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.

He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life.
He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. " He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer .. $ 2.00
Knowing where to ......... $ 9998.00

help yourself!

A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm.
Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying.

"Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel."

Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go mister. Into the boat."
"I'll stay here ," says the preacher, "The Lord will save me."

An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in. The water is still rising."
"No thanks. The Lord will be my salvation.

Toward evening, the hotel is almost completely under water and the preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. A helicopter is spotted and on a loudspeaker is heard "HSir, grab on to the line and we will pull y ou up. This is your last chance.
"I'm all right," says the preacher, as he looks heavenward. "I know the Lord will provide sanctuary."

As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning and the preacher is killed. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates he was furious.

"What happened, " he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!"
Moments later a thunderous voice is heard. "Gimmie a break pal. I sent you 2 boats and a chopper "

Make up to $120 Dollars Per Hour Playing Video Games

Review-Founderscafe.com

I installed Viralink from Andy-Coates site few days back . It is a good idea and working fine .

From links in Viralink I came across Jimmy Huen’s blog, Founders Cafe, and I read his post on
Want-some-link-love-in-addition-to-be-on-the-revenue-sharing-list
I found it interesting so after reading whole post , I went through the other related posts. Earlier I had left a comment on Andy-Coates blog when I saw Viralink , that he can start with Text links and here I found idea which offers more than text links .So I decided to join by this review of Founders Cafe.

As I surfed through Founders Cafe blog , I found it is about Internet Entrepreneur and Business as well as money making ideas. He is chronicling the entire process of his Internet Startup in real time, and is offering to link to your blog and an early registration spot for his revenue sharing program if you do a brief review of his blog post.The idea of revenue sharing is a great offer !

As my blog is also few months old I read posts on blog marketing tricks .I found it informative and useful and I am implementing it too !

Users in line for Beta Testing and Revenue Sharing Claims

As of 5/30/2007, below are users, bloggers, visitors that are currently in line for a private beta testing invitation. For more information on how to get on this list, please see instructions:

Priority 1 - Internet Startup Entrepreneur and Money Making Ideas:

1.) Buzzing Bell - buzzingbell.com

2.) Rex Dixon, Technically Speaking - rexduffdixon.com

3.) Get traffic and earn online at Andy Coates Dot Com

4.) Really Funny Jokes

5.) Wordpress, Adsense, SEO und Internet Marketing - in German

6.) Experiment in Entrpreneurship

7.) Blackyard Technologies

8.) Create your own blog

9.) Money Making Opportunities

10.) Rumble of Thoughts

11.) Make Money Online with Prosperity Achiever

12.) Website Design, Templates, and Blogging Information

Priority 2:

1.) Inner 88 - JasonAClark.com

2.) Nate Whitehill - NateWhitehill.com

Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give

Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!


Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Review-jakeldaily.com

during my surfing of internet I cam across jakeldaily.com website. And I saw the offer of review offer of his blog.
Ja Kel Daily dot com eventually wants to make money online and is offering to link to your blog if you review his blog.
I found this interesting so I started writing this review.My first impression was that this blog will be on Making Money online tips and articles.But When I visited jakedaily.com I found categories as Cars , Family , Videos , Wordpress etc. I went through each of them and found interesting posts.As I also wanted to open a blog on wordpress , posts on wordpress were very useful.
Moreover when today I visited the blog I found one interesting offer Get 240 links from 40 blogs for $25.
Really a good value for money.

why english is so difficult

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

phone & dog

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing them phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

the study

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, where as women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

teacher

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

lost wife

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."