Good short jokes - Madam and Sir

Hearing a department store clerk address the lady as "Ma'am,"

four year old Jennifer asked what that meant.

"Ma'am is short for madam," her mother replied. "It's a polite way to address a woman."

Jennifer asked what name Daddy would be called.

"Sir," mother answered.

"Sir ..." she thought for a moment, "that must be short for
servant!"

Really funny quick jokes - Man + Woman

♦ Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

♦ Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

♦ Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair

♦ Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Short police jokes - Trace

Police Inspector: Have you caught the thief?
Sub Inspector: No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector: What?
Sub Inspector: Finger prints.
Police Inspector: Where?
Sub Inspector: On my cheeks

Funny Animal jokes-One Talented Hamster

A mangy-lookin' guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch, a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!" "Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist!"

Short funny poem - Your name

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.

Then I wrote your name on my heart . . .

and I got Heart Attack .

Really funny jokes-Private Catholic school

A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enrol their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern of behaviour continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.

The boy shook his head and said "No."

"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"

"No."

"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"

"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"

Clean jokes-Job promotion

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion. "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible for me to become a full Bishop." said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Really funny jokes-Quarters for the Pope

The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters - a tiny one bedroom apartment.

The Pope is horrified and demands to know why he doesn't have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.

Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.

"A lawyer," says the Pope. "But I'm the Pope, surely I'm more important than a lawyer!"

"With respect Sir," says Saint Peter, "We have lots of Pope's up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!"

Computer Jokes - Sardar interview

Java interview attended by Sardarji

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and auto rickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Jokes funny short - Men and Women

What's the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need;

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

Funny Video - Top 10 Reasons We Will Miss George Bush

Really funny jokes-Who is a Bachelor?

Who Is A Bachelor?

One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.
One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.
One who believes in Wine, Women and So-Long.
One who believes that one can live as cheaply as two.
One who can forget his mistakes.
One who can get into bed from either side.
One who can go fishing an time, until he gets hooked.
One who can have a girl on his knee without having her on his hands.
One who can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
One who can tell his symptoms to his Doctor without having his wifeinterrupt.
One who can't be Spouse-Broken.
One who can't stand the strain of a wife.
One who cheated some woman out of a divorce.
One who doesn't have to leave the party when he starts having a good time.
One who failed to embrace his opportunities.
One who is a free male.
One who is allergic to Wedding cakes.
One who is Foot-Loose and Family-Free.
One who is known as a Dame Dropper.
One who is not missing anything in life except a few buttons on his shirt.
One who knows all the ankles.
One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she doesn't get a grip on him.
One who knows if he has a steady girl on the string he may wind up on a leash.
One who knows more about Women than Men. That's why he is a Bachelor.
One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.
One who likes his Girl Friend just the way she is...Single! !!!
One who looks, but does not leap.
One who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
One who never knows whom the next kiss is coming from.
One who never makes the same mistake once.
One who never met a girl he couldn't live without.
One who never Mrs. Anything.
One who never says, "I'll Give You A Ring Tomorrow!"
One who plays the game of love and manages to retain his amateur outstanding.
One who prefers ripe tomatoes with little dressing.
One who thinks he is a thing of Beauty and a Boy forever.
One who travels fastest in a parked car.
One who tries to avoid the issue.
One who usually has his hands full trying to loosen a woman's grip.
One who wakes up in the morning with all of the blankets.
One who washes only one set of dishes.
One who when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, he turns Stone-Deaf.
One who when he opens the window in his apartment, more dust blows out than in.
One who won't take `Yes' for an answer.
One who would rather change girls than change their names.
One who would rather cook his own goose.
One who would rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck.
One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.

Short funny jokes-Gone fishing

I was talking to my neighbor's wife who was mad at her husband. Here she is newly married and he left her to go fishing.
I asked her, "Where is your husband?"
She said, "Just go down to the pond and look around till you find a pole with a worm on each end."

Short hilarious jokes - Marriage

Joke 1
How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
They’re the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.


Joke 2
What is a wedding tragedy?
To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.


Joke 3
How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
Buy her a diamond ring.

Joke 4
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free.

Funny Jokes - Momento

A friend asked a lady: "I suppose you carry a momento of some sort in that locket of yours?"

"Yes, a strand of my husband's hair."

"But your husband's still alive!"

"Yes, but his hair's gone."

Santa Banta sardar jokes-Fax

Banta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found Preeto in another man's arms.

Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't get the fax."

Really funny jokes-Dying preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?

The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves..and that's how I want to go."

Short funny jokes-In flight

Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?
It's not because of the film's content, it's because the people in the film are eating better than the people on board.

Really funny jokes-Man and Woman

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion
of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

------------

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: BY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to finda pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with it. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kid (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Funny teacher student joke - Maths

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"

Student: "It's 42!"

Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"

Same student: "It's 24!"

Short funny jokes - surrender

A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.

A person who surrenders when not SURE, is WISE.

A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

Blonde jokes-In front of ther mirror

Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
A: He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

Aboriginal jokes-With a gun

Q: What do you call an Abo with a gun?
A: Sir.

Short funny jokes - Moscow the capital of China

A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"

The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"

Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"

Really funny jokes-Christmas shopping

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the defendant, "What are you being prosecuted for?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.

"That's not a crime," replied Judge Judy.

"How early were you doing you Christmas shopping?"

"Before the store opened," replied the defendant!!

Funny Soldier jokes - Wife

First Soldier: "What made U go into the army?"

Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?"

First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace."

Short funny jokes - Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

Hilarious short jokes-King Soloman's temple

Q: Where is King Soloman's temple?

A: On the side of his head!

Really funny jokes - The Salesman

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His First day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says, 'One.'

The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65?! What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy makeup for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'

Computer Jokes - Kid's password

A Kid calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Kid: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?

Help Desk: Dear kid, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind, he can't read your password.

Kid: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.

Really Silly jokes - Riddles

Joke 1#: Why did the student eat her HW? The teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Joke 2#: What kind of storm is always in a rush? A Hurry Cain.

Joke 3#:What do you get when you mix a car, a fly, and a dog? A Flying Carpet!

Joke 4#: Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his food? He was stuffed.

Joke 5#:What does a farmer use to count his cattle? A COWculator.

Funny Video - Comedy Football

Barack Obama jokes - one liners

Q. Why is Barack Obama jealous of Hillary Clinton?
A. She the one with the cojones.

Q. Why does Barack want higher taxes?
A. Cause he won’t be the one paying them.

Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Really funny jokes-No room

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."

The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"

Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."

"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."

Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."

"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"

Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

Really short funny jokes - Dog and Cat

A Dog Fell In Love With a Cat

But Dog's Parents Refused Cat

Guess Why?


They Gave a Solid Reason

- The girl has mustache

Short SMS jokes - Santa Banta

Santa: What Is The Similarity Between Girl Friend And Mobile?

Banta: Both Are Disconnected When There Is NO Money.

Really funny jokes-Begging business

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: 'Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.'

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says 'Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?

Hilarious jokes - Grandpa

A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3-year-old grandson at every turn.

It's obvious grandpa has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile grandpa is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long; easy boy.'

Another outburst and she hears grandpa calmly say, 'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and grandpa again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert.'

Very impressed the woman goes up to grandpa as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.'

'Thanks, lady,' replied grandpa, 'But I'm Albert . . . the little jerk's name is Johnny.'

Short funny jokes - Husband Wife

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each others likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

Knock knock jokes-Hatch

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Hatch.

Hatch who?

Cover your mouth when you sneeze!

Clean jokes-Blind date for daughter

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.

When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"

"Why is that?" her mom asked.

"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"He's the original owner mom!"

Really funny joke - Lord of the rings

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more 'special'."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account," he said.

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

Office jokes-What an awesome reply!

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other.

Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.

To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"

Redneck jokes-You might be a redneck if...

You might be a redneck if...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

Funny Doctor Patient jokes - Fifty dollars

Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?

Doctor: Fifty dollars.

Patient: Fifty dollars, for only a few second's work?

Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.

Short jokes - Sardar dreams

Sardar: In my dreams rats play football every night

Doctor: take this tablet you will be OK

Saradar: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final match

Funny Judge Jokes - Shooting

Judge: why did u shoot your wife, instead of shooting her lover?

Sardar: Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

College professor jokes - Driving

Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed.

A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous.

The driver pointed out the sign that read “30.” He explained that he was going 30 mph because of the sign.

The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 30.

Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant.

As the policeman turn to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor …looking scared to death!

He asked the driver, “What’s wrong with them?”

The driver replied, “We just turned off Highway 105.”

Positive jokes - Positive Attitude

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE :

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it " Boss "

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

Latest Sardar jokes - Interview

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?

Sardar : Simple, stop imagining.

Old man jokes - Hearing problem

An old man had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The old man went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Short sardar jokes - Cholesterol

Sardar starts shouting in a store......

where is my free gift with this oil?

Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this

Sardar: it is written CHOLESTEROL FREE.

Kids jokes-Prayers before eating

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Short humorous jokes - Reading email

A South American scientist from Argentina ,

after a lengthy study, has discovered that

people with very low intelligence read their

Emails with their hand on the mouse.

..
..
..

..

..
..

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late buddy

One liner jokes - Man

You can't change a man unless he is in diapers.

Short Doctor jokes - Wish

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said,

"I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?".

"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".

Lawyer Jokes - Children

LAWYER : She had three children, right?

WITNESS : Yes.

LAWYER : How many were boys?

WITNESS : None.

Lawyer : Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Short Women Jokes - Gas

Why do women pass less gas than men?

Because women won't be quiet long enough to build up pressure!

Blonde jokes-Baseball

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Really funny jokes-Never make a woman angry

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia ."

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

Funny hilarious jokes-Half wit

A man owned a small ranch In Texas. The Texas Work Force Commission claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally. "

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the rancher.

Clean jokes-Hungry

A man phoned a retail pharmacy to talk about his prescription.

He said to the pharmacist, "My doctor ordered this prescription for me. Your store filled it and gave me a bottle with 100 capsules in it about two weeks ago. I'm supposed to take one capsule every six hours and I've been doing that. This little packet came out of the bottle while I was getting my capsule once. The packet said, "do not eat" on it. That was four days ago, and I'm really hungry!"

Short hilarious jokes - Doctor

A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all his clothes and then send his husband a bill for it.

Sania Mirza joke-From Pakistan

Baba-e-Qaum: Muhammad Ali Jinnah
Quaid-e-Millat: Liaquat Ali Khan
Madar-e-Millat: Fatima Jinnah
Aur Ab . . .
Bhabhi-e-Millat: Sania Mirza. :-)

Office jokes-It's appraisal time!

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the station.
At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around.
With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it.
There was blood all over the body which was lying face down.
It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age.
Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it.
With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.
I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors.
Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!!
My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"...
As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand.
I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.
While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... Hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials.
This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second.
The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... It was me who was dead there!!!!!!! ! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind...... ... Splash!!!
Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Short funny jokes - Superman

What is difference between man and Superman?

Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

Really funny jokes-The Final Prediction

A low cost budget film crew was shooting on an Indian Reservoir beach about natural psychic abilities of ancient American Indians.

Suddenly an Indian shows up, walks to the Director and says, “Tomorrow wind Storm, No shooting please. “ Sure enough a storm came and Director saved lots of money.

A few days later, again shooting preparedness was made and the Indian shows up.

“Tomorrow hurricane, no shooting please.” Sure enough a hurricane came and Director saved the money.

The amazing accurate predictive ability of the Indian on snow, rain, ice, blizzard, lightning, thunderstorm, was financially benefiting the Director that he got fond of him. Now he was reaching towards the climax of the important shooting and waiting for the Indian to come and predict the weather.

The Indian was no where to be found. So he personally went looking for him and found him in a stinking smoking chimney hut. He went inside, bowed to him in a manners of their ancient customs, praised him and prayed that he bless him with the prediction for tomorrow’s finale.

The Indian says, “Tomorrow no prediction. My Radio broke down please.”

Kids jokes-Maths

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

Very short funny jokes - Doctor

Patient: Doctor doctor, I think I need glasses.

Waiter: You certainly do, you've just walked into a fast food joint!!

Funny Birthday Jokes - Wife

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Doctor jokes-Fat lady

A fat lady: (To a health expert) Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.