Unparalleled

Tina, whose popularity among the boys was unparalleled, paid a visit to Dr. Paes.

Doctor Paes told her she was pregnant. He then added, "I know you are dating several guys. Do you know who the father is?"

Tina was quick to retort, "If you gulped up a can of Bush's baked beans, would you figure out which bean is responsible for the gas?"

Way to Heaven

Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"

Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"

Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"

Little Harry replied, "Dead!"

What a career!

Jeremy retired after 38 years of his career. He made USD 10,000,000 which was a result of hard work, being meticulous, proper planning, integrity, dedication, competence, smart investment. And the death of his maternal aunt who left him USD 9,999,999.

A matter of principles

When Robbie returned from school, his grandad asked, "What did they teach you in school today?"

"I don't know" replied Robbie, "but the teacher kept talking about principles. I didn't understand one word."

Grandad said, "That's not difficult to understand. I will tell you what it is. Say, I buy stuff at the supermarket, and the cashier gives me more change by mistake, my predicament would be whether to keep it
for myself or follow my principles and give it to Grandma."

Dorothy's treatment

Dorothy visited a shrink and told him, "Whenever I lie down on the bed, I get this mind-numbing fear that something is below the bed."

The shrink said, "I have treated many phobias but this seems to be a unique case. But do not worry, I will help you get rid of it."

Dorothy said, "Thank you. How many sessions will it take?"

The shrink replied,"Probably 20 to 25. It will cost 75 pounds per session but by the end of it, you would be completely cured."

When Dorothy did not turn up for the first session, the shrink called her. "Why didn't you come?", he asked.

Dorothy replied, "When I informed the cost of the treatment to my husband, he found an immediate solution to save the money. He used a saw to cut the legs of the bed."

Want to marry again

Mary Jane says to her lawyer, "I wanna get married to my ex-husband. How can you help me?"

Her lawyer says, "But Mary, it was only last month that you got divorced. Don't tell me you are in love with him again!"

Mary Jane replied, "Love, my foot! He seems to be very happy after the divorce and I am not able to bear it!!"

My client is not guilty

Donald's wife was missing and everyone including his brother-in-law accused him of murder. The case went to court. The body could not be found and the case was getting complicated.

There were several witnesses who were called to testify. Almost everyone spoke about the constant fights between the couple and the deadly threats that Donald had made.Seeing the case getting weaker & weaker for his client, Donald's lawyer, Simmons declared in the court, "I have an announcement to make. Please draw your attention to the door on the right. The woman who is presumed dead will walk in through that door."

There were whispers in the court and everybody looked towards the door.

After a couple of seconds, lawyer Simmons said again to the Jury, "To tell you the truth, no one will be walking in through the door.However, I observed that all of you turned your eyes towards the door, which proves that you are not completely convinced about my client's guilt."

Despite the stunt, the jury declared Donald guilty.  

Lawyer Simmons tried one last time by saying, "How could you pronounce him guilty? You all turned towards the door, didn't you? I proved it to you, didn't I?"

An old guy replied, "There was one person who did not turn towards the door."

Lawyer Simmons asked, "And who is that?"

The old guy said, "Your client!"