Pirate joke

Two pirates, Rex Hawkbill and Don Blythe, both of them ship-wrecked from their respective vessels, met in the sea. Each was hanging on to his raft.

Rex Hawkbill called out to Don, "Ahoy! Did your ship sink?"

Don Blyth replied, "Yes, 6 months back."

Rex Hawkbill said. "Really? And you have been floatin' all this time?"

Don Blyth replied, "Aye, what about it?"

Rex Hawkbill asked, "How did you bear it for all this time?"

Don Blyth said, "I have been askin' myself the same thing. It was actually boring, weekends in particular."

A trekking expedition

Mike was telling Elaine that he just finish a trekking expedition in the highest mountain ranges in the world.

Elaine asked him, "Everest?"

Mike replied, "Yeah, after every 200 feet."

MBA joke

The Tata group of companies decided to invite bids for their new Power generation plant. They called for bidders, and three companies decided to bid.

At the meeting, the Project Head of the Tata group asked the first bidder to quote his price.

The CEO of the first company who had done his MBA from Symbiosis said, "5 million. 3 mil for material and 2 mil for labour."

The Project Head then asked the CEO of the second company to present his bid.

The CEO of the second company who had done his MBA from NMIMS said, "10 million. 4 mil for material, 3 mil for labour, and another 3 for variable expenses."

The Project Head then asked the CEO of the third company to present his bid.

The CEO of the third company who was a product of IIM said, "15 million."

The project Head yelled, "15 million!!! What is the breakdown of costs?"

The CEO of the third company replied, "5 million for you. 5 for me. And 5 mil to get the fellow from Symbiosis to do the project."

Strange compliment

I was seated on a park bench, when an old lady who came and sat next to me, smiled and said, "You are very pretty."

I must have had a disbelieving expression on my face, because she was quick to assure me that she had given a sincere compliment.

I tried to explain to her by saying, "It's just that I hardly ever get to hear pleasant comments about my looks."

The old lady smiled and said,  "Just because you are plump does not mean you aren't pretty."

Proud pathan

A Pathan called Sher Singh goes to a pub and announces, "Bartender, serve drinks to everyone. Bill it to me. My wife has given birth to a typical Pathan boy weighing 5 kilos."

There is a lot of cheering and everyone congratulates Sher Singh.

After 15 days, Sher Singh visits the bar again. The bar-keep says to him, "Hey, aren't you the father of a typical Pathan boy whose weight was 5 kilos at birth? How much does the boy weigh now?'

Sher Singh proudly answers, "3 kilos!"

The bar-keep is surprised and asks, "What happened? Didn't he weight 5 kilos at birth?"

Sher Singh finished his drink and said, "Got the boy circumcised."

Call from the Sunflower clinic

When the Sunflower Clinic called Daniel on him home number, they got the following message on his answering machine.

"Hey, this is Daniel and i am having a great day in the outdoors. The positive thought for the day is LOVE EVERYONE! Leave your name & number and you will hear from me." "Beep".

The caller from the Sunflower left a message, "This is a call from the Sunflower clinic. Talking of POSITIVE, your VD test is back. Stop LOVING EVERYONE."

Grimace

When Susan walked into the living room in curlers and a much-worn night gown, her husband Ruth could not hide a grimace and commented, "How I wish you could look like how you were when we got married."

Susan replied, "Yeah? Tell me how can I? I ain't pregnant!"

How fast?

Roy lived in the countryside with his family. One morning, he was helping his buffalo give birth, when he noticed that his daughter, Kelly, was watching the entire event with curious eyes.

Roy thought to himself that one day he will have to explain to her about the birds and the bees. Why not grab the opportunity and start now, as this was a good occasion.

After the process was over, and a little baby buffalo was born, Roy walked up to Kelly and asked, "Well sweetheart, do you have any questions?"

Little Kelly, still shaken by the entire experience, asked, "How fast was the calf going when it hit the buffalo?"

Airport embarrassment

This is the story of my friend Joe. Joe was a traveling salesman who would often go out of town on business. One night when Joe returned from a business trip, there was heavy thunder and lightning. He opened the bedroom door and found both his children, Mark and Tina, in bed with his wife. They must have been scared by the sound of thunder and must have wanted the comfort of their mother. Joe went down and slept on the couch that night.

The next morning, during breakfast, Joe explained to his kids that it was fine to sleep with their mother if they are scared, but if he was expected to be back, then they should sleep in their room. The children nodded and said they understood.

After his next trip which turned out to be a long one, Joe's wife and the children decided to receive him at the airport as they had missed him a lot. There were several people in the terminal who had come to receive their friends & family.

As soon as Joe was in sight, his son Mark went running to him and said, "Daddy, I have news for you!"

Joe, lifting his son into his arms, asked, "And what is it?"

Mark announced, "No one slept with Mom while you were on tour this time!"

There was pin-drop-silence. Everybody looked at the little kid, and then at Joe and then tried to figure out who the kid's Mom was.