Missing the bus

What did Rachel do when she missed her bus number 70?

Well, she simple rode bus number 35 twice.

Question to dentist

Dorothy went to visit her dentist with broken teeth. While she was seated on the dental chair, she asked the dentist, "Before you start working on me, I have a question. Will I be able to play the Saxophone when you are done?"

The dentist replied patiently, "Of course you will!"

Dorothy exclaimed , "Oh wonderful! I couldn't play a note before!"

The fussy customer

Peter, the baker was about to call it a day when a man rushes into his bakery.

"I want to have a cake made right now!" the man exclaims.

"Well, I'm sorry," replies Peter. "But I was just closing shop. My staff has left, all my machines have been turned off. I'm afraid you'll have to come back tomorrow."

The man insisted, "I cannot wait till tomorrow. It's absolutely essential that this cake be made right now!"

Now, Peter hated to turn a customer back, so he says, "Let me see what I can do." He goes inside and turns all his machinery back on. He then comes back to the counter and ties on his apron. "Okay, what do you want?"

The man takes out a sketch from his pocket and shows it to Peter. There is a nicely drawn image of a cake." It has to look just like this," says the man. "Exactly one foot wide, eight inches long, and six inches tall. White frosting, light blue icing, and a green cursive "R" in the middle. Just like this."

Somewhat taken aback, Peter ponders the sketch for a few moments and replies. "I think I can do that. I will have it ready in about an hour."

"An hour!" exclaims the man. "That's will be a problem. I need this in 30 minutes."

"30 minutes?" responds Peter. "I'm not sure I can do that. I suppose I might be able to get it done that fast if I used some pre-made dough. The taste will not be as good though..."

The man replies while checking his watch frantically "I don't care. Just get it done."

So Peter goes back and makes the cake. He works harder and faster than he ever done before, and manages to produce the cake in just about half an hour. He presents it to the man fresh out of the oven. "Will this be adequate?" he asks.

The man takes a measuring tape from his pocket. He checks the length, width, and height very carefully. He then compares it to the sketch. Suddenly, a look of horror comes across his face. "Oh no!" he exclaims. "The 'R' is the wrong shade of green! It has to be the same shade as the sketch. Oh, what will I do now?"

"Relax," says Peter. "If the shade really is a problem I think I can re-ice it. It may take a few more minutes."

"You think you can?" asks the man anxiously. "Well then, please do it fast!"

So the baker quickly takes the cake back and puts on a new "R". A few moments later, he brings it back to man. "There you are. Is this what you wanted?" he asks.

Once again the man examines the cake, checking every detail. He compares the shades of green, and this time decides they're all right. "Okay" says the man quickly, "this is good. Can I pay you now."

"Of course," says Peter, quickly readying the cash register. "The boxes we have available are all over here. You can take your pick."

"Oh no, that won't be required," answers the man. "I'll eat it here."

Hilarious jokes-Two psychiatrists

Two psychiatrists had taken the evening off to have some fun and are enjoying a ride on a bike.

They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding.

The other sits by his side and asks,
"Do you want to talk about it ?"

Beautiful eyes

My wife, Dolly has the most beautiful eyes in the world.

The problem is they are so attractive, that they spend all their time looking at each other.

Speeding

Bubba was speeding down the road when a traffic cop stopped him.

Cop: Do you realize you were going above the speed limits?

Bubba: But officer, I am only learning to drive.

Cop: What? Without an instructor?

Bubba: Its a correspondence course, Officer.

Sentimental hug

It was a romantic evening and I hugged my girlfriend Anita tightly in the rain.

Anita looked into my eyes and said, "Hug me once more like that, and I am yours for the rest of my life!"

I retorted, "Uhh, thanks for the warning!"

Sardar jokes-Compliment

Sardar Gurpreet Singh received a letter from his bank on his loan which said: "Sir, your repayment amount is outstanding!"

Sardar Gurpreet Singh replied: "Dear Sir, thanks for the compliment!"

To the Moon

After the tiring wedding ceremony, the tired groom gets romantic and says to the bride, "Darling, should I take you on a ride to the Moon or do you prefer the stars?"

The bridely replies, "Sweetheart, why don't you show me your rocket first. I will decide only after I see it."

Why I Love to go to work without wearing wearing clothes

Why I Love to go to work without wearing wearing clothes

• My boss is always warning me that I need to get my arse to work at 9 AM
• I can always say, "I would love to share the expenses but I left my wallet in my trousers."
• I am tired of lecherous men at the workplace looking down my blouse!
• I would like to know if it feels the same like in the dreams
• Nobody would steal your pen after they see where you keep them
• Nobody notices that you also came to work drunk.

Like undies

Passwords are like undies. Do you know why?

• Well for starters, one should not be leave them out where others can see them.
• The need to be changed regularly
• And lastly, they should not be passed on to strangers.

What is a girl supposed to do?

What is a girl supposed to do?

The other day, I got a call from an unidentified number.

The caller said: Do you have a boyfriend?

I replied: Yes, why?

The caller said: So you have a boyfriend. This is your FATHER! You are barely in your teens and you have a boyfriend already?! I am coming home right now so we can have a little discussion!

I was already in trouble, and then I received another call, again from an unidentified number.

The caller said: Do you have a boyfriend?

I said : NO.

The caller said: This is your boyfriend. I can see you don't love me.

I said: Wait, sweetheart. I love you!!

The caller said : This is not your boyfriend. It's still your FATHER. I wanted to re-confirm you have a boyfriend. I'm on my way!!

Good excuse

Sara  shouting at her husband, Dave : How could you go out alone with the neighbor's wife to watch a movie?

Dave: There is so much flesh and violence in movies today, how is a man supposed to watch a movie with his family?

Smarter than a kid

It was my turn to drive the carpool and drop the children to school. We were on the way to school, when a six-year-old boy asked me how the moon shines.

Trying to sound smarter then a 6 year old, I explained, "When the light from the Sun hits the moon and reflects back, we are able to see the light. It's the same as - when you look into a mirror and the light reflects back your image and you can see yourself." I was feeling proud for sounding intelligent.

The boy promptly replied, "Mrs. Jones, I do not glow like the moon in the mirror, so how does it glow?"

Well, he had me there and I managed to say, "That's the reason why your parents are sending you to school, so you can find out and tell me."