Hilarious jokes-What kind of pepper?

Monsieur Pierre was staying in a hotel in Mexico.

He called room service and said, "I need pepper."

The attendant asked, "Black pepper, or chilli pepper?"

Monsieur Pierre yelled, "Toilette pepper!"

Elevator jobs

Bubba, an electrical technician, was out of work.

His friend suggested he take up some elevator jobs in new constructions close by.

Bubba said, "Nope, I don't do elevator jobs."

"Why??" the friend asked.

Bubba replied, "I don't know the route."

The smart carpenter

Andy, a carpenter by profession, had witnessed an accident and was summoned to court to give evidence.

The defendant's lawyer tried to discredit him by asking several tricky questions. One of the questions was, "How far were you from the accident site?"

Andy replied, "Thirty one feet, three and a half inches."

The lawyer asked, "What???! How can you be so sure and precise about that distance?"

Andy said, "Well, I knew sooner or later someone stupid would ask me. So I measured it!"

A busy MBA student

Betty, who was pursuing her MBA in Finance at Harvard, had become too busy with her studies, classes, projects and part-time job.

She realized how long she had been out of touch with her parents when she received the following e-mail from her mother:

"Dear Betty, your father and I enjoyed your last e-mail. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Mom."

Funny jokes-Unique birthday gift

Joe, a billionaire, was in a dilemma. His wife's birthday was approaching and he didn't have a clue what to gift her. There was nothing that she didn't already have.

So, when he shared his problem with a friend, the friend suggested, "I have a great idea. You can prepare a certificate for her which declares she can have three hours of great love making, and in any manner she likes. She should be delighted!"

Joe followed his friend's advise. The next day, when Joe met his friend, his buddy asked, "So, did you take my advice? How did it go? Did you have fun?"

Joe replied, "Oh, she loved it. She was ecstatic, couldn't thank me enough - she kissed me, and ran out of the house, shouting, "I will be back in three hours!"

The wise king's decision

Two women approach the King of Persia, dragging between them a young man called Arya.

"This young man promised to marry my daughter," said one of the women.

"No! Arya agreed to marry my daughter," said the other woman.

The two women kept on arguing in front of the King, until he called for silence.

The king announced, "I have a solution to your problem. I will cut this young man into two pieces with my sword. You will both receive a half."

"I am fine with the idea," said the first woman. But the other woman cried, "Oh King, please do not kill this man. Let the other woman have him and marry him to her daughter."

The wise king had taken his decision. He announced, "This young man, Arya must marry the daughter of the first lady."

"But that's unfair!" exclaimed the court.

The wise King said,"As she was willing to see the young man cut in two, it proves she is indeed the TRUE mother-in-law!"

The crash landing

Jerry, the test pilot in the Air Force, climbs out of the experimental plane, all bruised and battered. The wings and tail of the plane are torn off in the crash landing. The rescue team arrives, and one of the rescuers, seeing Jerry in a bloody mess, asks him,"What happened?"

Jerry, looking very pale, replies, "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

Funny jokes-Origins

There guys were discussing the origins of human beings and where did Adam and Eve come from.

Jack, the British guy, said, "They have to be British, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman."

Pierre, the French guy claimed, "There is no doubt they were French. The French are so good at seducing women."

Bob, the American commented, "My guess is they were Russian. After all, who else could roam around naked, survive on one apple between the two of them and still feel they were in paradise?"

Spinster or widow?

Jack and Harold, both in their seventies and both bachelors, were sipping cappuccino in a coffee shop.

Jack said, “Harold, I know it's a little late in my life, but I feel I should get married. What do you say?”

Harold replied, "Sure, why not? Any age is a good age. I think you should go ahead.”

Jack continues, “But I am in two minds, whether to marry a spinster or a widow.”

Harold, “I suggest you marry a spinster. She will anyways become a widow in no time.”

Flasher repair

Dean was recruited in police department as a car mechanic. One day, his superior told him to repair flashers on the top. Dean tried his best but could not get the flashers working. Finally, he took the car to a garage in the city.

Next day his superior inquired about the flashers. Dean said: “Yes boss, they are working fine now. But I had to take the car to the garage to get them working. I thought the mechanic there would fleece me. But all he did was to add 78 dollars worth of blinker fluid.”

Funny jokes-Bowels

Doctor lecturer to medical students: “Our body is made of three parts, one of the three being abdominal cavity. Can anyone tell me what abdominal cavity contains?”

Tom: “Yes sir, abdominal cavity contains bowels-A E I O U.”

Two mothers-in-law

Danny was being tried for Bigamy in a court.

After the judge passed his sentence, he asked Danny, "Have you learnt your lesson and realized what a bad thing it is to have more than one wife."

"Yes, your honor, I have," he replied.

"What is it that you realized?" the judge asked.

Danny replied, "Having two wives means having two mothers-in-law, and that, in itself, should be grounds enough to support assisted suicide."

Celebrity jokes-Doughnuts for Bob Marley

Chike says to his Friend Akono, "Guess how does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?"

Akono guesses, "With Chocolate flavor?"

Chike replies, "Wi' jam in! ('We jammin')"

Nervous expectant fathers

There are 4 impatient men nervously pacing the floor of a nursing home, waiting for their wives to give birth.

A nurse comes of the delivery room and says to Robert, the first expectant dad, "Congratulations, you've twins!"

Robert says excitedly. "Oh! What a coincidence, I work at the Petronas Twin Towers".

Another nurse comes out of the room and tells the second expectant father, Mike, "Congratulations, your wife gave birth to triplets!"

"Wow!! What an amazing coincidence!" says Mike "I work for 3M."

Another nurse comes out of the room and tells the third expectant father, Jason, "Congratulations! Your wife has got quadruplets!"

Jason exclaims, "Oh my God! This has to be some coincidence. I work at Four Seasons Hotel!"

Meanwhile, Kumar, the fourth expectant father seems to be worried and breaks into a sweat.

The other 3 fathers ask him, "What's the matter? Why are you so worried?"

Kumar replies, "Well.... I work at Seven-Eleven!"