Funny jokes-Airlines humor

From an Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft..."

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Economy jokes-Pessimistic women

Q: Why are Women more pessimistic about the economy than Men?

A: Because men are in charge of the economy!

Hilarious jokes-Jammed window

George rushed to the hotel manager’s cabin and shouted, “Help me, my wife is trying to jump from the fifth floor.”

The Manager replies: “It is your personal problem, sir. What can I do in this matter?”

George bursts out, “Right, but the window is jammed!"

Good jokes-Apt reply

Serena and her friend Tina got on the bus. Both around seventeen, Tina was a little too plump for her age. Their journey was long and tedious. They saw a young, fat and dumb looking man sitting awkwardly a few seats ahead and decided to make fun of him. They went near his seat and stood there holding the bar for support. The man, out of sheer courtesy, tried to get up to offer his seat to Tina.

Tina says,“No, no sir, please be seated. Does not look nice when an old man stands up for a young girl to sit.”

The young man retorts, “True and well said, my child. But you see it is not proper for an old man to sit when a pregnant woman stands beside him.”

Funny jokes-Does love happen?

Q: Does love just happen or you have to make it happen?

A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle, it just happens. If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make it happen.

Clean jokes-Father's relief

While leaving her father’s house immediately after marriage, Tina was crying herself hoarse. Her father too could not control himself and was weeping loudly. Finally somebody separated them and led Tina to the groom’s car.

On an impulse Tina turned around, ran to her father and gave him something from her purse.

Immediately her father’s face brightened and there was a smile on his face.

Later Tina’s mother asked him: “What did she give you to make you so happy?”

Father: “My ATM card.”

Kids jokes-Nobody else

Jack:"There is something I can do that nobody else in my school can do. Not even teachers!"

Rob: "What's that?"

Jack: "Read my handwriting"

Really funny jokes-Lost in the Sahara

Niall and Ethan are two young lads from Shannon and they are lost in the Sahara desert. They're only desperate for water, but just as they think they're about to die, they chance upon an oasis where market day appears to be in full swing.

They go to the first stall they see, and Niall asks if they can buy some water.

"No," replies the Bedouin stall owner, "I only sell fruit. Try the next stall."

So off they stagger to the next stall and this time Ethan asks for some water.

"Sorry," says the merchant, "But I only sell custard."

"Custard! Custard?" splutter the two.

Niall turns to Ethan and shouts angrily, "What kind of flippin' place is this?"

By now totally desperate, they go to the next stall, only to be told, "Sorry, but I only sell jelly."

Hearing this, Ethan says to Niall and speaks through clenched teeth, "Bejabbers, Niall - this is a trifle bazaar."

Animal jokes-Small mouse

A young elephant and young mouse came across each other for the first time:

Mouse: "What are you?"
Elephant: " I'm an elephant"

Mouse: "Aren't you big"
Elephant: " Yes. What are you?

Mouse: " I'm a mouse"
Elephant: " Aren't you small?"

Mouse: " I, I, I've not been well"

Really funny jokes-Book a judge

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, "Why, John, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"

"That it is," John replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."

"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.

"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded John.

"Well," mused Pat, "In this life there's always a lesson somewhere."

"That there is," replied John.

"It is wise never to book a judge by his cover."

Clean jokes-Potatoes

1) How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

2) Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

3) Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.

5) What does an American potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!

Short funny jokes-First people in North America

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

Really funny jokes-Savings

Mr. and Mrs. Val were visited by a door to door salesman. He tried hard to sell a deep freezer to them and they were reluctant and unconvinced. Finally the salesman said: “If you buy this freezer you will save on food bills enough to pay for the freezer.”

Exasperated, Mrs. Val replied: “It is like this. We are paying for the house on what we are saving on the rent. We are paying for cable TV on what we are saving on movie tickets. Not to mention the damn car for which we are paying on what we save on taxi fares. We cannot afford to save anymore now.”

Animal jokes-Elephant and parrot

What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a parrot?

Something that tells you everything it remembers.