Anti joke - Jealous

I am jealous of guys who can give back witty retorts cos in my case, I require a two-day notice in the least!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Stalking

Robbie said to his friend, "I have reason to believe that Stacy, the girl next door is stalking me."

His friend asked him what made him think so.

Robbie replied, "She has been looking up my profile on all search engines last night. I spotted it through my binoculars."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Repulsive!

Roger was discussing his wife while seated at the local pub. He said to his friends, "I am divorcing that good-for-nothing woman! Her habits are repulsive. I mean just this morning I went to take a leak in the sink and it was piled up with dirty dishes from last nite's dinner!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

With all that wealth

Justin was caught red-handed misappropriating funds of the organization he worked for. So he ran to his lawyer who assured him by saying, "Relax Justin. You will never go to prison with all that wealth!"

The lawyer was right. Actually when Justin was put behind bars, he did not have a penny on him!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Which one?

Andrea was mad at her husband Phil and she screamed, "I saw you at Erning Street when I was buying stuff for the house."

She continued, "I saw you with a gorgeous blonde and you both went into the Parkside hotel. I want you to explain and I want you to be honest!"

Phil said to her, "All right, please make up your mind, which one do you want?"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

A lover's tale

A lover's tale

I skip breakfast in the morning cos all I can think of is U.
I skip lunch in the afternoon cos all I can think of is U.
I skip my meal in the eve cos all I can think of is U.
I do not get sleep in the night cos I am HUNGRY!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Whose fun

Lisa told her mother she was going out for her first date with Tom. When she returned home late in the night, her mother asked, "How did it go?" 

Lisa replied, "Well, Tom had a lot of fun."

Source: www.reallyfunnyshortjokes.net

Bubba's daughter

Principal to teacher, "Do you know which one of your students is Bubba's daughter?"

Teacher replies, "Yes sir, she is the one who erases her notebook when I erase the blackboard."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Similar clothes

Mrs. Yadav took her 8 kids to the park to play. An old man could not contain his curiosity and asked her, "Why are they all wearing similar clothes of the same colour?"

Mrs. Yadav smiled and replied, "There was a time when we had just 3 kids and I would make them wear similar clothes so that they don't get lost."

"But now", she said, "I make them wear similar clothes so that I don't take home any kid that does not belong to us!'

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net