Lawyer jokes-Hilarious quotes

Quotes by Lawyers

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?

Funny jokes-Light hearted humor about France

Some light hearted humor related to France

1. An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French.

2. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

3. I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.
- General George S. Patton

4. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.
- Norman Scwartzkopf

5. Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

Really funny jokes-The Genie's condition

Benny Shapiro worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He used to tell his friends that he was the curator, although his primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished.

One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous Genie appeared before him.

"Master," the Genie began, "I am the Genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you -- you must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."

Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49% of the total Microsoft stock which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife and lo and behold she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.

Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating - while the memory of the Genie's warning faded. Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.

The moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Clean jokes-APPLE and BLACKBERRY

Our parents taught us the meaning of APPLE and BLACKBERRY

Now

We are teaching them the features of APPLE and BLACKBERRY . .

One line jokes-Follow your dreams

Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.

Office jokes-Signs your Boss is Stupid

Signs your Boss is Stupid

Schedules emergency visit to urologist after overhearing office gossip regarding "Peter principle" and "downsizing."

Answers every question with "yes," "no," or "reply hazy, try again later."

Finally traded in the company fleet of Ford Pintos -- for Ford Explorers.

You've just received permission to leave for your 4th fact- finding trip to learn about "Tolkien Ring Networks" this week.

Thinks that by monitoring your e-mail he.. is the best loved, nicest and by far the most brilliant boss to work for.

Believes that Britney really "is' a virgin.

You send him a memo saying that for Halloween, you're coming as The Invisible Man -- then you don't come in at all. The next day, he promotes you for your ingenuity.

He's attempting to sleep his way to the top, starting with the CEO's wife.

You receive yet "another" fruit basket after calling in the death of your fifth grandmother this year alone.

Bases the company's budget on the $1,000 each employee was going to receive for forwarding Bill Gates's e-mail.

Despite your constant reminders, the moron can't seem to stop counting at five.

Thinks that "downsizing" means ordering a small drink and fries with his burger.

Had the network customized so that he can print confidential documents directly to the shredder.

Took her a month to figure out that the desk lamp wasn't a "Clapper" like on the night stand at home.

No need to ask for a raise; just approach him repeatedly and ask him if he has two tens for a five.

Ever since he approved your "On-Site Telecommuter" idea, you get to go to the office wearing a robe, Superman underpants and bunny slippers.

During meetings, constantly turns to Jesus Gonzalez from Marketing and asks, "What would YOU do?"

Hilarious jokes-Reading problem

An eye specialist to a patient: “Read those letters.”

Patient: “Where are they?”

Doctor: “On the board.”

Patient: “Where is the board?”

Doctor: “On the wall.”

Patient: “Where is the wall?”