Ten times

Peter said to his wife Claudia, "You will not believe what happened today! I bought an old lamp at the junkyard sale and guess what? I rubbed it and out came a genie!"

Claudia said excitedly, "Really?? Did you ask for anything?"

Peter replied, "Yes i did. I asked for your intelligence to be enhanced ten times."

Claudia said, "Oh! That's so sweet of you."

Peter retorted, "Yeah, but I forgot anything multiplied by zero remains zero."

Dangerous events

An aspirant who wanted to participate in a Daredevilry event was asked by the selection committee, "Do you taken part in any dangerous events?"

Johnny, the aspirant, replied, "Yep. I do not agree with my wife on some occasions."

Shopping at the mall

Jack says to his wife Mandy, "You've been missing since the last 5 hours. Where were you?"

Mandy replies, "I had gone shopping at the mall."

Jack asks, "Ok, so what have you got?"

Mandy replies, "A lipstick and 50 selfies."

Labour pain

Cristina was going through labour pain at the hospital. She was screaming in agony, and looking at her condition, her boyfriend Peter said, "Darling, I am so sorry that you have to go through this because of me."

Cristina replied, "Relax Peter, none of your fault anyway." 

To catch a wink

Roger shouted at his neighbour Rick, "Can you ask your dog to shut up. He has been barking non-stop since several hours. I have a severe headache from last night's drinking and trying hard to catch a wink."

Rick replied, "I am sure my dog will calm down as soon as you vacate his kennel."

Fever

Santa: Hey Banta, how did you get fever? Just last night, we were talking and you were absolutely fine. 

Banta: That's right, but last night, after having so many pegs, you spoke such nonsense that even a donkey would have got fever.

Santa (with a sly smile): Yes, I can see that!

Joke of the day-Sad

Anita went to her mother's home for a couple of weeks to look after her ailing mother, leaving behind her three year old in the care of her mother-in-law.

The day she reached her mother's home, she received an sms from her mother-in-law which read: "Please return soon. Son sad without you"

Anita messaged back to her mother-in-law: "Whose son? Yours or mine?"

Hilarious jokes-On the phone

David was getting irritated standing outside the public phone booth. Losing his patience, he knocked on the door and said, "Hello there, you have been in there for more than 20 minutes and I have not seen you speak at all."

The guy inside the booth replied, "Dude I am speaking to the missus."

Sardar jokes-Visiting card

Banta Singh said to Santa Singh, "Your visiting card read your qualification as BBA two months back. Now it is reading MBA. How did you get the degree of two years in two months?"

Santa Singh replied, "My wife has gone to visit her mother two months back during the summer vacations. So I got my visiting card printed as BBA (BOLD BACHELOR AGAIN!). Now that she has returned, my status is MBA (MARRIED BACK AGAIN)."

Comedy jokes-Old age

Sam asks his friend Fred, "What are the first signs of old age?"

Fred replies, "Wrinkles?"

Sam says, "No."

Fred says, "Hair loss?"

Sam says, "No."

Fred asks, "Medicines?"

Sam says, "No."

Fred asks, "Then what??"

Sam replies, "When your wife stops suspecting you!"

Funniest jokes-Husband's decision

Anita shouts angrily at her husband Phil, "I want you to decide what do you want in your life - Whatsapp or me?"

Phil replies calmly, "Certainly Whatsapp. If I must waste time, might as well do with everyone. Why should I do it only with you?"

Joke of the day-When neighbors fight

Sofia said to her husband Alam, "It seems the husband and wife next door have been fighting since a long time. Will you please go and check on them?"

Alam replied, "I have already been there a couple of times. The fight is related to that only!"

Doctor jokes-Panic in the Operation room

Pablo asked his friend David, "I heard you escaped from the Operation room. What happened?

David replied, "You have no idea what I went through at the hospital. The nurse kept saying 'Don't be worried', 'Don't be tense', 'Don't panic', 'It will soon be over', 'It is only a small operation' and so on."

Pablo said, "She must be trying to pacify you. Why were you so scared?"

Davis replied, "I was scared....because she was speaking to the Doctor!!"

A dying miser

Santa Singh the miser was on his death bed. He reached out for his wife's hand and asked, "Where are you?"

Santa's wife Preeto took his hand and replied, "I am right here, my dear."

Then Santa Singh said, "Where are my children?"

His sons held his hand and said "We are right here Daddy."

Santa Singh paused for a moment and then said, "Then why is the fan running in the other room?"