Stalking

Robbie said to his friend, "I have reason to believe that Stacy, the girl next door is stalking me."

His friend asked him what made him think so.

Robbie replied, "She has been looking up my profile on all search engines last night. I spotted it through my binoculars."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Repulsive!

Roger was discussing his wife while seated at the local pub. He said to his friends, "I am divorcing that good-for-nothing woman! Her habits are repulsive. I mean just this morning I went to take a leak in the sink and it was piled up with dirty dishes from last nite's dinner!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

With all that wealth

Justin was caught red-handed misappropriating funds of the organization he worked for. So he ran to his lawyer who assured him by saying, "Relax Justin. You will never go to prison with all that wealth!"

The lawyer was right. Actually when Justin was put behind bars, he did not have a penny on him!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Which one?

Andrea was mad at her husband Phil and she screamed, "I saw you at Erning Street when I was buying stuff for the house."

She continued, "I saw you with a gorgeous blonde and you both went into the Parkside hotel. I want you to explain and I want you to be honest!"

Phil said to her, "All right, please make up your mind, which one do you want?"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

A lover's tale

A lover's tale

I skip breakfast in the morning cos all I can think of is U.
I skip lunch in the afternoon cos all I can think of is U.
I skip my meal in the eve cos all I can think of is U.
I do not get sleep in the night cos I am HUNGRY!

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Whose fun

Lisa told her mother she was going out for her first date with Tom. When she returned home late in the night, her mother asked, "How did it go?" 

Lisa replied, "Well, Tom had a lot of fun."

Source: www.reallyfunnyshortjokes.net

Bubba's daughter

Principal to teacher, "Do you know which one of your students is Bubba's daughter?"

Teacher replies, "Yes sir, she is the one who erases her notebook when I erase the blackboard."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Similar clothes

Mrs. Yadav took her 8 kids to the park to play. An old man could not contain his curiosity and asked her, "Why are they all wearing similar clothes of the same colour?"

Mrs. Yadav smiled and replied, "There was a time when we had just 3 kids and I would make them wear similar clothes so that they don't get lost."

"But now", she said, "I make them wear similar clothes so that I don't take home any kid that does not belong to us!'

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Don't like my cheese

In playschool, my 4 year old son was offered emmentaler cheese. He was not too happy about it and said to the lady serving the snacks, "Miss, I don't want holes in my cheese."

The lady replied, "It's all right honey, just bite around the holes and leave them on your dish."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

I got fired!

Pablo worked as a labourer at a construction site. One day he came home early from work, so his son asked him why he had returned home before his usual time.

Pablo replied, "I got fired!"

His son asked, "Why?"

Pablo said to his son, "Do you know who a supervisor is? He is the bloke who just fools around all day, watching the other guys work and doing nuthin'."

The son said, "All right, but how is that connected to your getting fired?"

Pablo replied, "The supervisor was envious of me. All of them folks thought I was the supervisor!"


Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

In a great hurry

Jim, the salesman was in a rush to reach the Tendon Railway station. He asked the farm-owner, "Sir, can you please let me pass through your field instead of going around it? I need to catch the 3:35 train and I am in a great hurry!"  

The farm owner replied, "Feel free to go. If my bulldog sees you, you might even catch the 3:15 train."

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Old granny

Alvaro was the salesman at a used car selling outlet. He was worried to see a customer come back with the car he had sold only a day before. Alvaro had told the customer that the car was driven only by an old granny.

Alvaro asked the customer, “Is everything ok?”

The customer replied, “Yeah, just dropped by to return a couple of things that the ‘old granny’ left under the seat – some packs of Marlboros and half a bottle of rum!”

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Late at work again

Mr. Jones says angrily to his secretary Mary, "You are late at work twice this week! What is the meaning of this?"

Mary replies, "It means it's only Tuesday!"


Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net

Proud daddy

When Jim came back from school, David could feel something was wrong with his son.

David asked, "How was school? Something wrong?"

Jim replied, "The principal threw me out of school."

David said, "What the hell did you do boy?"

Jim replied, "There is this boy in my class called Pete. He was bragging to me that sticks and stones may break his bones but he ain't afraid of words."

David,"So what?"

Jim said, "So I threw my wordbook at him!"

David exclaimed, "Proud of you, son!"

Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net