Golf , naturally

Jim, who was about to retire from work, was gifted a set of golf clubs by his colleagues.

Wanting to the game, he approached a professional for guidance, clarifying that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The professional showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

Jim, the trainee teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

"Now what?", Jim asked the dumbfounded professional.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the professional finally managed to mutter.

Jim replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"

Good jokes-Weather girl

"You never get anything right," scolded Mrs. Jacob, the science teacher. "What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school ?"

Suzie said, "Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV."

Hilarious jokes-Watson Woods

Lisa checked in at the Gates of Heaven and requested to join her former husband, Watson Woods. 

Saint Peter said, "We have a million Watson Woods. Give us a little hint."
 

Lisa said, "My Watson is handsome, has a mole on his cheek, and he said that if I ever slept with another man he would turn over in his grave."

Saint Peter instructed an angel, "Take her to Whirling Watson!"

Really funny jokes-Until the last moment

Minister Reeves was waiting in line at the gas station to have his car filled. There were several cars ahead of him and though the attendant hurried with his job, it took quite some time before it was minister's turn to get his car refueled. 

The attendant, while  motioning him toward a vacant pump, said, "Reverend, sorry for the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

Minister Reeves laughed, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

The pizza delivery boy

Danny, a college student, also worked as a part-time pizza delivery boy.

One day he arrived at Mr. Thompson's residence to deliver pizza.

After taking the pizza, Mr. Thompson asked Danny, "How much tip do you get normally?"

"Well," replied Danny, "this is my first trip to your place, but the other boys say if I can manage to get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing just fine."

"Is that so?" said an offended Mr. Thompson, "Well, just to prove them wrong, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied Danny, "I'll put this in my college fund."

"What are you studying in college?" asked Mr. Thompson.
 

Danny gave a quick smile and said, "Applied psychology."

Teacher jokes-Spell wrong

Teacher : How do you spell "wrong"?

Bobby : R-O-N-G.

Teacher: That's wrong.

Bobby: That's what you asked for, isn't it?

Funny jokes-False teeth

Paul, the priest got himself a set of false teeth at the dental clinic.

The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he spoke for only five minutes.

The next Sunday, he spoke for only ten minutes.

The Sunday after that, he spoke for three hours.

The congregation had to fight him to get him down from the pulpit and they were curious to know what made him talk so much.

Priest Paul explained the first Sunday his gums hurt real bad, so he couldn't talk for more than five minutes.

The second Sunday was no better and he managed to speak for just about ten minutes.

But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and found it impossible to shut up.

Really funny jokes-Library

A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, but for those of you with less then stellar creativity, we have made a list of things you can do...

1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.

2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.

3. While looking at your book, turn so you’re facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"

4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either a) say "Ooo. Nice book." or b) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.

5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You’re one of THEM!"

6. Put down your book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"

7. Read your book. Upside down.

8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way.

9. Flip the page every two or so seconds.

10. Pick up your book, put it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book."

11. Read silently, and then as if speaking to the character in your book, say, "No, Jim! It's a trap! Don't do it!!" Then turn to the person and reply solemnly, "He did it." when he/she looks at you.

12. Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever experienced déjavu and amnesia at the same time?"

13. Start arguing with yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny, say "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet."

14. Sit down, and then say to the person next to you, "Hi! My name's (? and I'm really glad to meet you."

15. Ask him/her if he/she knew there are eddies in the space/time continuum.

16. Ask him/her what species he/she is.

17. Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet.

18. Bring a bag or purse, and peer into it and say, "Got enough air in their?" or, "Settle down in there. I'm trying to read!"

19. Ask them what their name is, and then when they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No it isn't!"

20. Break the silence by making a bodily function noise, then say, "Wow! That was a good one!"

Short funny jokes-Hole in umbrella

Brenda asked her friend Dara, "Why did you cut a hole in your new umbrella?

Dara replied, "How else am I supposed to know when it stops raining?"

Clean jokes-Oldest lady

India's oldest lady is 113 years old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head. How is that possible?

She's lost it all - is completely bald!

Short funny jokes-Cross the road

Laurel: I am sure you don't know the answer to this one - why did the Tyrannosaurus rex cross the road?

Hardy: Easy, that's because the chicken wasn't invented yet.

Kids jokes-Learn to spell

Little Tina (sobbing): Mommy, I will never learn how to spell.

Little Tina's mom: Why is that?

Little Tina: The class-teacher keeps changing the words.

Economist jokes-Forecast

"In my opinion," joked Professor Dhar in my MBA class who was teaching us Macroeconomics, "there are two types of Economists - the first category consists of those who cannot forecast interest rates, and the second category comprises of those who do not know that they cannot forecast interest rates."

Hilarious jokes-How cold?

Robert had invited his friend Sam for dinner. When Sam arrived, he was shivering from the cold.

The winter being treacherous, Sam commented, "It is really cold outside today."

Robert asked, "How cold is it?"

Sam replied, "It is colder than my mother-in-law's kiss!"