A young elephant and young mouse came across each other for the first time:
Mouse: "What are you?"
Elephant: " I'm an elephant"
Mouse: "Aren't you big"
Elephant: " Yes. What are you?
Mouse: " I'm a mouse"
Elephant: " Aren't you small?"
Mouse: " I, I, I've not been well"
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Really funny jokes-Book a judge
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.
He stopped the car and asked, "Why, John, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is," John replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded John.
"Well," mused Pat, "In this life there's always a lesson somewhere."
"That there is," replied John.
"It is wise never to book a judge by his cover."
He stopped the car and asked, "Why, John, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is," John replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded John.
"Well," mused Pat, "In this life there's always a lesson somewhere."
"That there is," replied John.
"It is wise never to book a judge by his cover."
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Clean jokes-Potatoes
1) How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.
2) Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.
3) Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
5) What does an American potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
Boiling Mad.
2) Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.
3) Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
5) What does an American potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Short funny jokes-First people in North America
How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.
They had reservations.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Really funny jokes-Savings
Mr. and Mrs. Val were visited by a door to door salesman. He tried hard to sell a deep freezer to them and they were reluctant and unconvinced. Finally the salesman said: “If you buy this freezer you will save on food bills enough to pay for the freezer.”
Exasperated, Mrs. Val replied: “It is like this. We are paying for the house on what we are saving on the rent. We are paying for cable TV on what we are saving on movie tickets. Not to mention the damn car for which we are paying on what we save on taxi fares. We cannot afford to save anymore now.”
Exasperated, Mrs. Val replied: “It is like this. We are paying for the house on what we are saving on the rent. We are paying for cable TV on what we are saving on movie tickets. Not to mention the damn car for which we are paying on what we save on taxi fares. We cannot afford to save anymore now.”
Animal jokes-Elephant and parrot
What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a parrot?
Something that tells you everything it remembers.
Something that tells you everything it remembers.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Good jokes-Red and Blue cab
Two cabbies, Harry and Dave met after a long time.
"Hey," pointed out Harry, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," answered Dave, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
"Hey," pointed out Harry, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," answered Dave, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Clean jokes-White hair
Little Sonia was looking intently at her mother.
Mother: “What’s the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Sonia: “Some of your hair are white mom.”
Mother: “That’s right. Whenever you make a mischief, one of my hairs turns white. That’s how some have become white.”
Sonia was thoughtful: “Are all of grandma’s hair white due to the same reason?”
Mother: “What’s the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Sonia: “Some of your hair are white mom.”
Mother: “That’s right. Whenever you make a mischief, one of my hairs turns white. That’s how some have become white.”
Sonia was thoughtful: “Are all of grandma’s hair white due to the same reason?”
Uncommon noun
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Animal jokes-Bunny
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do!
How do you post a bunny?
Hare mail.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A hare-net.
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits' feet.
Thistle have to do!
How do you post a bunny?
Hare mail.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A hare-net.
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits' feet.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Really funny jokes-Grades
The methods to Grade Final Exams:
1. Dept. of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
2. Dept. of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
3. Dept. of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
4. Dept. of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
5. Dept. of Philosophy: What is a grade?
6. Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
7. Dept. of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
8. Dept. of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
9. Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
10. Dept. of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.
1. Dept. of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
2. Dept. of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
3. Dept. of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
4. Dept. of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
5. Dept. of Philosophy: What is a grade?
6. Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
7. Dept. of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
8. Dept. of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
9. Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
10. Dept. of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Finance jokes-Penny stock
What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?
In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.
In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.
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