Clean jokes-Potatoes

1) How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

2) Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

3) Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.

5) What does an American potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!

Short funny jokes-First people in North America

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

Really funny jokes-Savings

Mr. and Mrs. Val were visited by a door to door salesman. He tried hard to sell a deep freezer to them and they were reluctant and unconvinced. Finally the salesman said: “If you buy this freezer you will save on food bills enough to pay for the freezer.”

Exasperated, Mrs. Val replied: “It is like this. We are paying for the house on what we are saving on the rent. We are paying for cable TV on what we are saving on movie tickets. Not to mention the damn car for which we are paying on what we save on taxi fares. We cannot afford to save anymore now.”

Animal jokes-Elephant and parrot

What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a parrot?

Something that tells you everything it remembers.

Good jokes-Red and Blue cab

Two cabbies, Harry and Dave met after a long time.

"Hey," pointed out Harry, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," answered Dave, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."

Funny picture - Watching TV

Clean jokes-White hair

Little Sonia was looking intently at her mother.

Mother: “What’s the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sonia: “Some of your hair are white mom.”

Mother: “That’s right. Whenever you make a mischief, one of my hairs turns white. That’s how some have become white.”

Sonia was thoughtful: “Are all of grandma’s hair white due to the same reason?”

Uncommon noun

The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Animal jokes-Bunny

What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do!

How do you post a bunny?
Hare mail.

What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A hare-net.

Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits' feet.

Really funny jokes-Grades

The methods to Grade Final Exams:

1. Dept. of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

2. Dept. of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

3. Dept. of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.

4. Dept. of Religion: Grade is determined by God.

5. Dept. of Philosophy: What is a grade?

6. Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

7. Dept. of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

8. Dept. of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.

9. Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

10. Dept. of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.

Really good stuff - 7 facts in this world

Finance jokes-Penny stock

What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?

In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

One line jokes-Supermarkets

A question I want to asked based on my observation at the supermarket - Why do they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Really funny jokes-American job

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am ..

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking,
he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and
tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio (MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in MALAYSIA ), John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA

And now he is hoping he can get help from a President MADE IN KENYA