Really funny jokes-Small take

A West Virginia man walked into a Kwik Stop and asked for all the cash in the drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for 3 hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Good jokes-Shaking a carpet

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "what's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Animal jokes-Three baby unicorns

There was mother unicorn and she had 3 baby unicorns. The first baby unicorn came and said "Mommy, why did you name me Daisy?"

The mother replied "Because the day you were born, a daisy fell right on your forehead."

She said "Ah that's sweet."

She kissed her on the cheek and left. The next baby unicorn comes in and she said "Mommy, why did you name Rose?"

The mother replied "Because the day you were born, a rose fell right on your forehead."

She said "Ah thats sweet." She kissed her on the forehead and walked away.

Then the third baby unicorn comes in and she was like "DERREDUBUDUBJEHDK" and the mom said "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!"

Funny jokes-Look fat?

When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"

The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"

Really funny jokes-Over the tree

A young man who was an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried, and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man leaned back on his golf bag and said, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only three feet tall."

SMS jokes-Reruns

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in West Virginia?

Documentaries.

Hilarious jokes-Taking turns

While traveling cross country, a couple decided to stop for a cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere in Texas. While they were sitting at a booth near the counter sipping their coffee, a local cowboy stumbled in and headed for the closest stool at the counter. As he lifted his leg over the stool, he cut one of the loudest farts ever heard by a human. The tourist jumped up and screamed, "Sir, how dare you fart before my wife!"

The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, ma'am...I didn't know we was a takin' turns."

Short funny jokes-Bored housewife

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 41, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy.

Really funny jokes-Drownology

An over-smart tourist was traveling by boat in Hong Kong.

he asked the boatman "Do you know how all life on earth came from the sea?"

Boatman: "No!"

Tourist: "Do you know Biology?"

Boatman: "No, Not much!"

Tourist: "Do you know anything about Psychology, Geography, or Geology?"

Boatman: "No"

Tourist: "Really!! Then What the hell do you know, do you want to die of illiteracy!"

After sometime, the boat started to sink, so the boatman asked the tourist :

Boatman: "Do you know Swimology & Escapology?"

The scared Tourist: "No!! why??"

Boatman: "Really!! Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology"

One line jokes-Ruin

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.

Funny jokes-Losing hair

Boss: “Sam, you are still so young. Why have you lost so much hair.”

Sam: “Yes sir, it's worry and tension.”

Boss: “What worry?”

Sam: “Losing my hair, sir.”

Clean jokes-Living in Beirut

You live in Beirut when:

1. You can't speak in just one language for more than two sentences straight.

2. You know people by their cars... "Tony with the silver BMW, not the blue one. Tony with the blue one was hanging out with Jean with the black Mercedes. They were met up by Georges with the Red GTI"

3. The guy who polishes your shoes for 250 lira (16 cents) has a brand new state of the art cell phone.

4. You can't get a job because you're not Syrian, Filipino, Sri Lankan, or Egyptian.

5. You have family members in at least three other continents.

6. During the World Cup, you forget what country you're in because of all the Brazilian, German, French, and Italian flags hanging on people's cars, balconies, and over the street.

7. The driver in front of you has a "Michael Schumacher" sticker on his rear window.

Really funny jokes-Wiper blades

I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.

Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.

What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?

Hilarious jokes-The chant

There was this man wandering around a by lane aimlessly. He suddenly heard a group shouting “twenty…..twenty…..twenty” in chorus as if in a trance. He saw a building with a tall fence from which the chant was coming.

Curious, the man went near the building, and found a small hole in the fence. He bent a little, put one eye to the hole and saw a group of men chanting the number over and over again. Before he could see further, a finger came out from the hole and poked him in the eye.

As he stumbled back, the chant changed to “twenty one….. twenty one….. twenty one.”