Short funny jokes-Party game

What is a party game played by Swedes?

One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.

Clean jokes-Biology Revisited

Biology Revisited

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Really funny jokes-French humor

Funny French Humor

1. The firm Hunt-Wesson introduced its "Big John" products in French Canada as "Gros Jos" before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big bosoms". Apparently the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales of their product.

2. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious pornographic magazine.

3. Seen in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

4. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

5. In a Chambres d'Htes in Brittany, France: "The genuine antics in your room come from our family castle. Long life to it." and "Please avoid coca watering, cream cleaning, wet towels wrapping, and ironing drying."

Good jokes-Nail biting habit

One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails.

"Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?"

"It vas really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."

Clean jokes-Case like this

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”

Really funny jokes-Fart in the bath

A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.

His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.

"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.

"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.

He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.

"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.

When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.

A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer.

"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.

"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."

Adult jokes-Curly hair

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair?

Apparently, it's Africa.

Funny jokes-Pinot Wines

There are many "pinot" wines on the market these days: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio are but a few.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as .... Pinot More.

Really funny jokes-Boy baby

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"

The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"

"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.

"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"

Good jokes-You might be a Statistician if

You Might Be a Statistician if...

no one wants your job.
you are right 95% of the time.
you feel complete and sufficient.
you found accountancy too exciting.
you never have to say you are certain.
you may not be normal but you are transformable.

Obama jokes-Unusual gift

“It’s a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That’s quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million.”
–Craig Ferguson

Really funny jokes-Pregnancy Dictionary

Pregnancy Dictionary

Afterbirth:
When the hard part begins.

Cravings:
An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Dilation:
One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's word for.

Elastiphobia:
Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."

First Trimester:
The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"

Maternity Clothes:
What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.

Miracle:
1. The birth of a baby.
2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.

Obstetrician:
The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.

Pregnant Pause:
The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.

Prenatal:
When your life was still your own.

Pushing:
The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of a dime.

Second Trimester:
The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"

Third Trimester:
The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"

Kids jokes-CD Holder

My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun.

During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house.

Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it where the sun doesn't shine!"

The electrician took a break.

Celebrity jokes-Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent

Q: What did Snoop Dogg say to 50 Cent when he saw him putting on a sweater?

A: Hey G, you knit?