Animal jokes-Bull dash

Q. What made the Bull dash?

A. It happened to see the cow slip!

One line jokes-Old ladies

A waiter goes to a corner table where three old ladies were having their dinner and asks, "Is ANYTHING okay?"

Hindi jokes-Hyderabadi lingo

A mother in Hyderabad, India was talking to her son in typical Hyderabadi Hindi.

Mother: Tu kaiku rora? (Why are you crying?)

Son: Teacher maari merku. (The teacher hit me)

Mother: Kaiku maari re chudail ne? (Why did she hit you?)

Son: Kyonki mai usku murgi bola. (Because I called her a Hen)

Mom: Kaiku re?? (Why?)

Son: Kaiku bole toh, har exam mein anda deri merku. (Because she gave me a round egg in all the exams)

Twenty inflexible rules in the office

Twenty inflexible Rules in the office

1. Never challenge the boss. He is always right.

2. If the Boss is mistaken, see rule # 1.

3. Those who work hard always get more work. Others enjoy pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. denotes "Pull Him Down". The more capable, hardworking and dedicated you are, the more number of people will be involved in pulling you down.

5. If you are good, you will get a lot of work. If you are very good, you will get out of it.

6. When the Boss talks about improving productivity, he never includes his own self.

7. What you do in not important, what matters is what you say you have done and what you will be doing.

8. A pat on the back is only inches away from a kick in the behind.

9. Don't be indispensable. If you cannot be dispensed with, you cannot be promoted.

10. The more crap you take, the more you are going to get.

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

12. When you don't know what is to be done, walk fast and look concerned.

13. You cannot get work done by following rules.

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

15. A lot can be filed under "Miscellaneous".

16. No matter how much you do, it is never enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are meant to be doing.

18. It is not essential to know your job in order to get promoted.

19. You only need to pretend that you know your job to get promoted.

20. All the blame for any situation can be put on the last person who resigned or was fired.

Hilarious jokes-The Optometrist's training

An optometrist was giving training to his new employee, explaining to her how to charge different customers.

At the time you are fitting the glasses, if the customer asks you how much they cost, tell him
- "$100".

If his eyes don't quiver tell him
- "For the frames. The lenses will be $25"

If his eyes still don't quiver, just add
- "Each"

Really funny jokes-Statistically speaking

Pete, a statistics student, while driving his car, had a habit of accelerating hard before arriving at any traffic junction, zoom past it, then slow down again once he had passed it.

One day, he gave a lift to an acquaintance, who was panic-stricken by Pete's manner of driving, and asked him what made him hurry over the junctions.

Pete replied, "If you look at it statistically, you are far more prone to have an accident at a junction, so I ensure that I spend the least time there."

Hilarious jokes-Razorback hogs

President Obama was back in Washington DC after a tour and as he got down from the helicopter in front of the White House, his staff noticed he was carrying 2 baby piglets, one under each arm.

The alert security guard salutes and says, "Nice pigs, Sir."

Obama replies, "You are mistaking them for pigs. These are genuine Razorback hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the other for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The security guard salutes, and comments: "Brilliant trade, sir."

Teacher jokes-Classroom

A geography teacher entered the class and the children greeted in chorus: “Good morning, sir.”

The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”

A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”

Hilarious jokes-Lab experiment

On entering a lab, if you see an experiment, how will you determine which class it pertains to?

The answer is simple:

If it is green and wiggles, it has to be Biology.

If it stinks, it has to be Chemistry.

If it doesn't work, then you know it's Physics.

Really funny jokes-Wife or mistress?

There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.

The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."

The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."

The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with both of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."

Short funny jokes-Robots

In about 50 years, Robots will be doing most of the work which human do not like to do; especially illegal robots from Mexico.

Hilarious jokes-Air traffic controllers

What do air traffic controllers and pilots have in common?

If a pilot does a goof-up, the pilot dies.
If Air Traffic Control does a goof-up, the pilot dies.

New Federal Aviation Administration motto:
'We're not happy till you're not happy.'

Aviation jokes-Basic Flying Rules

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2. Do not go near the edges of it.

3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Light bulb jokes-Nurses

How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, as they simply have a nursing assistant to do it.
As many as the doctor orders.

How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend five hours in the waiting room.