Really funny jokes-Oh No!

The shy, young man is thinking about asking his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how to say it, so he asks his father, "Dad, what did you say to mum so she married you?"

"I only said 'OH NO!!!' and then we got married the next day."

Funny jokes-Pencil

Rob and Bill both went to work for a lumber mill. They both worked on the band saw. One day while working and talking to Bill, Rob bent too close to saw and the blade sliced one of his ears off. Bill immediately picked up the sliced ear with intention of being helpful to Rob.

He said: “Rob, don’t panic. See I have your ear here. It may be possible for the doctor to sew it back.”

Rob: “You fool, that’s not mine. My ear had a pencil behind it.”

Good jokes-Difference between Heaven and Hell

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.

Short funny jokes-Pit bull and hockey mom

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?

A: One nurtures its children, the other sends them out to play on a frozen lake.

Obama jokes-Hip hop fan

In an interview, President Obama said he prefers Jay-Z to Kanye. Did you know Obama was a fan of hip-hop? In fact, he has his own rap nickname, Biggie Deficit.

Really funny jokes-Three pregnant women chatting

Three pregnant women were knitting sweaters for their soon-to-arrive babies, and chatting.

The first one said to the others, "I'm taking folic acid, so my baby will be healthy and have a robust immune system."

The second said, "Oh, I'm taking lots of calcium so my baby will be strong and grow tall."

The third said, "I'm taking Thalidomide."

The others reacted, of course, with horror. "Thalidomide! Why would you take that?"

"Because I don't know how to knit sleeves."

Light bulb jokes-How many cops

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?

Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.

Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."

Funny jokes-How cops do it

How cops do it...

Cops do it by the book.
Cops do it with handcuffs.
Detectives do it under cover.
Policemen do it without a break for 12 hours.

Funny jokes-Obnoxious kid

In London there's a new service that delivers the morning-after pill to your home by bicycle messenger. And to make sure you don't regret your decision, the pills will be delivered by a kid who is an obnoxious jerk.

Hilarious jokes-Philosophy of Life

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.

"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."

"And have you found an answer?"

"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."

"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"

"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."

Funny jokes-Toughest flight of stairs

Dean and Martin, both completely drunk, were going home one late night walking on railway tracks.

Dean: “This is the toughest flight of stairs I have ever taken.”

Martin: “Yeah, even the railings are so low.”

Really funny jokes-Old age stamina

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves.. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied , "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this crap but me!"

SMS jokes-Biggest benefit

Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in d same college where u study ?

100% Attendance...

Short funny jokes-Front teeth

The joker had a bad fall and lost his front teeth. It was no laughing matter.