Insurance jokes-CEO and Don

Q : What's the difference between an insurance company CEO and the mafia don?

A : The insurance company CEO can tell you how many people will die this year. The mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.

Funny jokes-Look in the pocket

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.

He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.

He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What's in your pocket?

The man replies, Oh... I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home.

Hilarious jokes-Fertilizer Club

This letter is being sent to you because we know that you are critically interested in the condition of your lawn. This is a fertilizer club that will not cost you a cent to join! Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and soil on their front lawn. You will not be the only one there, so do not feel embarrassed.

Then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate a good lawn. Add your name to the letter. You will not get any money or cheques, but within one week , if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,126 people soiling your lawn. Your reward will come next spring when you will have one of the greenest, most beautiful lawns in the neighborhood.

Mrs. Harry Butt - 236 Corn Cob Alley
Mrs. Smelly B. Hind - 475 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. Apple Crop - 1422 Enema Drive
Mrs. Bigger Movement - 89 Rectum Road
Mr. Go More Piles - 741 Hemorrhoid Street
Mr. C. Howie Farts - Whistle Britches Ave.
Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Springer - 2 Suppository Lane
Mr. & Mrs. Took A. Fizzik - 634 Running Loose Lane

P.S. If you are constipated, pass this along to your neighbor. Don’t break the chain. One Man didn’t give a damn and lost his entire lawn. Best wishes for a greener lawn, and more fun at your lawn parties!!!

Blonde jokes-Tilt steering

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A. More headroom

Really funny jokes-Straight Rodeo

Q. What is the difference between a Straight Rodeo and a Gay Rodeo?

A. At a Straight Rodeo they yell `Ride them Suckers!'.

Superb pick up lines

1. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

2. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

3. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

4. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

5. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

6. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.

Funny jokes-Most popular word

What's The Most Popular Word That Begins With 'F' & Ends With 'K'?
.
.
.
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Its FACEBOOK

The Word You Thought Is The 2nd Most Popular!

Fart jokes-Really good stuff

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent but deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must not forget.......
Sweet old farts like me and you!

Really funny jokes-Buying a new car

Morris, a Russian man saves his rubles for twenty years to buy a new car. After choosing the model and options he wants, he's not the least bit surprised or even concerned to learn that it will take two years for the new car to be delivered. He thanks the salesman and starts to leave, but as he reaches the door he pauses and turns back to the salesman "Do you know which week two years from now the new car will arrive?" he asks.

The salesman checks his notes and tells the Morris that it will be two years to the exact week. The man thanks the salesman and starts out again, but upon reaching the door, he turns back again.

"Could you possibly tell me what day of the week two years from now the car will arrive?"

The salesman, mildly annoyed, checks his notes again and says that it will be exactly two years from this week, on Thursday.

Morris thanks the salesman and once again starts to leave. Halfway though the door, he hesitates, turns back, and walks up to the salesman.

"I'm sorry to be so much trouble, but do you know if that will be two years from now on Thursday in the morning, or in the afternoon?"

Visibly irritated, the salesman flips through his papers yet another time and says sharply that it will be in the afternoon, two years from now on Thursday.

"That's a relief!" says Morris. "The plumber is coming that morning."

One line jokes-Dollar store

No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.

Health jokes-You're Still Drinking Too Much Coffee When:

You're Still Drinking Too Much Coffee When:

*You speed walk in your sleep.

*You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."

*You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

*The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

*You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

*You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

*You chew on other people's fingernails.

*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

*Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."

*Cocaine is a downer.

*You buy milk by the barrel.

*You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

*You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

*You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

Blonde jokes-State capitals

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N", she answered.

Short funny jokes-Cock fight

How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?

If the duck wins

Really funny jokes-Staff Meeting

Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.

Moses calls a staff meeting.

Moses: Well, how are we going to get across the sea? We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.

The General of the Armies: Normally, I'd recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across. But there's not enough time -- the Egyptians are too close.

The Admiral of the Navy: Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.

Moses: Does anyone have a solution?

Just then, his Public Relations man raises his hand.

Moses: You! You have a solution?

The PR Man - No, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three pages in the Old Testament!