Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed; they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Really funny jokes-Art supply store
I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Office jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Good jokes-TSA Slogans
TSA Slogans
- Grope discounts available.
- Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants.
- If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first.
- Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.
- Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.
- Throw a few back at the airport Chili's and you won't even notice.
- Wanna fly? Open your fly!
- We've handled more balls than Barney Frank.
- We are now free to move about your pants
- We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way.
- It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat.
- When in doubt, we make you whip it out.
- Grope discounts available.
- Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants.
- If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first.
- Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.
- Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.
- Throw a few back at the airport Chili's and you won't even notice.
- Wanna fly? Open your fly!
- We've handled more balls than Barney Frank.
- We are now free to move about your pants
- We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way.
- It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat.
- When in doubt, we make you whip it out.
Labels:
Adult jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Saturday, May 7, 2011
One line jokes-Great healer
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Labels:
One line jokes,
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Friday, May 6, 2011
Hilarious jokes-Beer contains female hormones!
Beer contains female hormones!
Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects,
....yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!
Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects,
....yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Short funny jokes-Two fish
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes,
SMS jokes
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Really funny jokes-Strange habit
A farmer’s horse dies and he heads into town to buy a replacement.
He heads to the local horse dealer to see what’s available. He looks at several fine horses but they are all way beyond what he can afford. He explains his predicament to the dealer who tells him, “Come around back, I think I may have something for you”
He shows him a horse that while not as impressive as those out front, seems to be healthy and strong. And the price is less than half the others.
“Before I can sell you this horse,” explains the dealer, “There’s something I have to tell you”
“I knew there had to be a catch” said the farmer, “What is it?”
“Well, this horse likes to sit on banana peels.” said the dealer. “If he sees a banana peel anywhere, he’ll sit on it and you won’t be able to budge him for half an hour”
The farmer thinks this over for a while and decides that it’s pretty unlikely he’ll come across too many banana skins, so he agrees to buy the horse.
He saddles it up and heads for home. A few miles down the trail the farmer is feeling pretty good about the whole deal, the horse is sure footed and responds well to the reins. He figures he got a good bargain.
Suddenly, up ahead, he spies something yellow on the ground. As they get closer he realizes that it’s a banana peel. The trail is too narrow to go around the banana peel so he decides to cross to the trail on the other side of the river. He steers the horse into the river and they start to cross.
Halfway across the river the horse suddenly sits down and the farmer is thrown into the water cracking his head on a rock.
Nothing the farmer can do will get the horse on it’s feet again. Soaking wet, bleeding and shivering with cold, the farmer wades to the other bank.
Half an hour later the horse gets back on its feet and walks to shore. The farmer rides it back to the farm without incident.
The next time the farmer is in town, the dealer sees him and asks how he’s making out with his new horse.
“Terrible!” says the farmer. He points to the gash on his head and tells him the story of what happened in the river.
The dealer smacks his hand to his forehead and says…
“Oh! I forgot to tell you! He sits on fish too”
He heads to the local horse dealer to see what’s available. He looks at several fine horses but they are all way beyond what he can afford. He explains his predicament to the dealer who tells him, “Come around back, I think I may have something for you”
He shows him a horse that while not as impressive as those out front, seems to be healthy and strong. And the price is less than half the others.
“Before I can sell you this horse,” explains the dealer, “There’s something I have to tell you”
“I knew there had to be a catch” said the farmer, “What is it?”
“Well, this horse likes to sit on banana peels.” said the dealer. “If he sees a banana peel anywhere, he’ll sit on it and you won’t be able to budge him for half an hour”
The farmer thinks this over for a while and decides that it’s pretty unlikely he’ll come across too many banana skins, so he agrees to buy the horse.
He saddles it up and heads for home. A few miles down the trail the farmer is feeling pretty good about the whole deal, the horse is sure footed and responds well to the reins. He figures he got a good bargain.
Suddenly, up ahead, he spies something yellow on the ground. As they get closer he realizes that it’s a banana peel. The trail is too narrow to go around the banana peel so he decides to cross to the trail on the other side of the river. He steers the horse into the river and they start to cross.
Halfway across the river the horse suddenly sits down and the farmer is thrown into the water cracking his head on a rock.
Nothing the farmer can do will get the horse on it’s feet again. Soaking wet, bleeding and shivering with cold, the farmer wades to the other bank.
Half an hour later the horse gets back on its feet and walks to shore. The farmer rides it back to the farm without incident.
The next time the farmer is in town, the dealer sees him and asks how he’s making out with his new horse.
“Terrible!” says the farmer. He points to the gash on his head and tells him the story of what happened in the river.
The dealer smacks his hand to his forehead and says…
“Oh! I forgot to tell you! He sits on fish too”
Labels:
animal jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Redneck jokes-Married
How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Really funny jokes-Overloading
A man driving home late at night in his Volkswagen beetle car was stopped by by policemen on patrol.
The police asked the man to produce his car document.
When they could not fault the document, the next question to the man was: "My friend, do you realize that you committed a criminal offense by driving alone in this car at late night?"
The man became angry and responded: "How could you say that? God the father, the son and holy spirit, prophet Elijah and Angels Micheal and Gabriel are all with me in the Car."
The policeman replied: "You mean, all these people are in this small car? I charge you for overloading!"
The police asked the man to produce his car document.
When they could not fault the document, the next question to the man was: "My friend, do you realize that you committed a criminal offense by driving alone in this car at late night?"
The man became angry and responded: "How could you say that? God the father, the son and holy spirit, prophet Elijah and Angels Micheal and Gabriel are all with me in the Car."
The policeman replied: "You mean, all these people are in this small car? I charge you for overloading!"
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Finance jokes-Stockbroker or fisherman?
The Walton's invited their new neighbors over to dinner. During dinner Mr.Walton was asked what he did for a living.
Eight years old Brian Walton jumped in and said, "Daddy is a fisherman!" To which Mrs.Walton replied, "Brian, why do say that. Your daddy is a stockbroker, not a fisherman."
"No mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says 'I just caught another fish'."
Eight years old Brian Walton jumped in and said, "Daddy is a fisherman!" To which Mrs.Walton replied, "Brian, why do say that. Your daddy is a stockbroker, not a fisherman."
"No mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says 'I just caught another fish'."
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Funny jokes-Wanted!
* Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
* Wanted: Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.
* Wanted: Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Monday, May 2, 2011
Really funny jokes-Defining a Will
What's the definition of a will?
It's a dead giveaway.
It's a dead giveaway.
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Health jokes-Age is catching up
I know age is catching up with me when
- I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
- I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.
- I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
- I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
- I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
- I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm.
- I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
- I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
- I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.
- I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
- I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
- I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
- I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm.
- I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Funny jokes-Christmas invitation
It was Christmas time and this woman invited all her family to her house to eat. So they gathered around the table and she asked her son to pray.
He said: "But I do not know what to say."
She said: "Say what I said this morning."
So he said: "Dear God, why did I invite all these people to my house?"
He said: "But I do not know what to say."
She said: "Say what I said this morning."
So he said: "Dear God, why did I invite all these people to my house?"
Labels:
christmas jokes,
Clean jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)