Short funny jokes-Learn to make Ice cream

Where would you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.

Teacher jokes-10 foot snake

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

Really funny jokes-Two old guys in Wal Mart

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'

The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'

To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'

Yo Mama's glasses

*Yo mama's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving at her.
*Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
*Yo mama's glasses are so thick, she can burn ants with them.
*Yo mama applied for a job at a strip club but they already had a stage.
*Yo mama's glasses are so thick, a blind person could see with them.

Clean jokes-Love and understanding

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Short funny jokes-Growing o;d

Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Kids jokes-Teacher's question

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?

CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

Really funny jokes-Hair smells nice

One day a women walks into work in a short skirt. As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says, "Your hair smells really nice today."

She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office. She says, "I want to file a harassment complaint!" and then relates what happened.

The manager says, "What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?"

Furious, she snarls, "He’s a midget!"

Funny joke-Medication for rest of life

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.'

Blonde joke-Favourite nursery rhyme

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme

Good joke-Hillbilly humor

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?

They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Really funny jokes-Son performing operation

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

Hilarious jokes-Melt

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

Metal,

Wood,

Stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,

'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,

'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?
.
.
.
.
M&M's of course.

Short funny jokes-Beetle's pet rabbit

What do you call a beetle's pet rabbit?
A bug's bunny.