Really funny jokes-Infidelity

A Irishman suspected his wife of infidelity and began to follow her movements. Sure enough, his suspicions were justified. Coming home from work early, he burst into the bedroom, catching his wife and her lover in the act; and, crazed with grief, he put the pistol to his own head.

"Don't laugh!" he shouted when his wife burst out in giggles, "You're next!"

Abo jokes-Rolling down

Q: What do you call 50 Abos rolling down a hill?
A: An Abolanche.

Clean jokes-We've got all that

A Texan died and went to heaven where St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates.

“Show me what you got, Pete,” said Tex.

St. Peter swung open the gates and revealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers and all the trimmings.

“We’ve got that in Texas. We call it King Ranch,” said Tex.

St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, swinging, swimming, riding horses, bicycling, etc.

“We’ve got that, too. We call it Six Flags.”

Whereupon St. Peter threw open a trapdoor of the fires of Hell and out shot a huge ball of fire followed by a solid stream of flame sweeping over the entire area. The blinding light and heat were enormous.

“We don’t have that,” said Tex, “but we’ve got a guy in Houston who can put it out.”

Short funny jokes-High tech

Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?

It was cordless!

Really funny jokes on Tiger Woods

Difference between playing golf and driving a car?
In golf, Tiger can stay out of the trees.

Funny sardar jokes-When angry

Santa : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Banta : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Santa : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

Funny jokes-Daycare center

She was so blonde...
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

Short funny jokes - Working late

A young accountant stayed late at the office day after day.

Finally, the boss called him in and asked for an explanation.

"Well, you see sir," he stammered, "my wife works, too -- and if I get home before she does, I have to cook the dinner."

Really funny jokes - Blonde on a plane

There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in the coach section.

A flight attendant realizes the blonde's mistake and asks her politely to move. The blonde won't move.

She says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight attendants. They all try to persuade the blonde to move, but she won't move.

She says again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious blonde. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde's ear.

Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all very curious about how the pilot made the blonde move so quickly.

They ask him and he says, "Oh, it was easy. All I had to do was tell her that the first class section wasn't going to New York!"

Short funny jokes-Next period

What did the Dracula say to his teacher?
See you next Period!

Hilarious quotes by the comedians

Following are four hilarious quotes by famous comedians

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
--Elayne Boosler


"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
--Sue Murphy


"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there."
--Ron Richards

Really funny jokes-Hanukkah Tree

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor's windows, a child asks his father, "Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?"
"What? No, of course not." says his father.
"Why not?" asks the child again.
Bewildered, his father replies, "Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness."

Redneck jokes

You might be a redneck if

You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

Funny jokes - Husband Wife

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."