Really funny jokes-Christmas shopping

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the defendant, "What are you being prosecuted for?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.

"That's not a crime," replied Judge Judy.

"How early were you doing you Christmas shopping?"

"Before the store opened," replied the defendant!!

Funny Soldier jokes - Wife

First Soldier: "What made U go into the army?"

Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?"

First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace."

Short funny jokes - Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

Hilarious short jokes-King Soloman's temple

Q: Where is King Soloman's temple?

A: On the side of his head!

Really funny jokes - The Salesman

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His First day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says, 'One.'

The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65?! What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy makeup for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'

Computer Jokes - Kid's password

A Kid calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Kid: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?

Help Desk: Dear kid, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind, he can't read your password.

Kid: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.

Really Silly jokes - Riddles

Joke 1#: Why did the student eat her HW? The teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Joke 2#: What kind of storm is always in a rush? A Hurry Cain.

Joke 3#:What do you get when you mix a car, a fly, and a dog? A Flying Carpet!

Joke 4#: Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his food? He was stuffed.

Joke 5#:What does a farmer use to count his cattle? A COWculator.

Funny Video - Comedy Football

Barack Obama jokes - one liners

Q. Why is Barack Obama jealous of Hillary Clinton?
A. She the one with the cojones.

Q. Why does Barack want higher taxes?
A. Cause he won’t be the one paying them.

Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Really funny jokes-No room

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."

The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"

Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."

"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."

Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."

"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"

Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

Really short funny jokes - Dog and Cat

A Dog Fell In Love With a Cat

But Dog's Parents Refused Cat

Guess Why?


They Gave a Solid Reason

- The girl has mustache

Short SMS jokes - Santa Banta

Santa: What Is The Similarity Between Girl Friend And Mobile?

Banta: Both Are Disconnected When There Is NO Money.

Really funny jokes-Begging business

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: 'Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.'

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says 'Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?

Hilarious jokes - Grandpa

A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3-year-old grandson at every turn.

It's obvious grandpa has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile grandpa is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long; easy boy.'

Another outburst and she hears grandpa calmly say, 'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and grandpa again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert.'

Very impressed the woman goes up to grandpa as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.'

'Thanks, lady,' replied grandpa, 'But I'm Albert . . . the little jerk's name is Johnny.'