Humor jokes-Empty nest

When their children had all left home, the wife read an article that was meant to help couples deal with the empty nest.
She explained some of the ideas to her husband.
He nodded in agreement to all the things she said.
Then she told him the article suggested that they spice up their marriage by going out on dates.
He asked, "With each other?"

Doctor jokes-Memory problem

One patient came in and said, 'Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.'
The doctor asked, 'When did it start?'
The man replied, When did what start?'

Clean jokes-Substitute

A College student, who was on the football team, took his new girlfriend to a home game.
They found their seats in the crowded arena and watched the action.
An announcement was made that a substitute player was being put into the game. He ran out onto the field and took his position.
The student said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that player. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend smiled and snuggled up to him. "Oh, sweetie!" she said. "That's the strangest way I've ever heard a boy propose to a girl, but regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

Funny joke

 Did you hear about the blonde who:

1)had more on her body than on her mind?
2)was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3)took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4)got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

Humor of the day -Why some men have dogs and not wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'
9. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
10. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
11. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Indian Sardar Jokes - Relax

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing (relax singh)" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, " Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai.(Everybody is searching you there and you are enjoying here.)"

Clean jokes-Accident report

A woman was filling out an accident report. She had dented a parked car while trying to park her own. One question on the report was, "What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?"
She wrote, "He could have parked it somewhere else."

Blonde jokes-Flight enquiry

A blonde called a travel agent and asked, "How long is a flight from New York to San Francisco?" "Just a minute," said the agent.
The blonde said thank you and hung up.

Really funny jokes-Fit

As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later, I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag.
When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse - and we'd like to see just how you do it."

Humor jokes-To heaven

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Kids jokes-What does your Daddy do?

A third grade teacher was getting to know her pupils on the first day of school. She turned to one little girl and asked,
"What does your Daddy do?" The girl replied,
"Whatever my Mommy tells him to do."

Funny Picture - Barack Obama

Really funny jokes-Endearing

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"

Short funny jokes-We've got to talk

When a man says, "We've got to talk," the woman hears, "We're going to have a nice conversation."
When a woman says, "We've got to talk," a man hears, "Will the defendant please rise?"