Really funny jokes-Gift from God

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Children are a gift from God", he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

Really funny jokes-Proud Grandmother

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.
Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.
"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"
The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."

Sardar jokes-Santa & Banta go out Fishing

Santa and Banta decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport fishing.
After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes.
Banta said, "Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come."
Santa says, "Good idea", and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot....
Seeing that Banta shouted, "Why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish!"

Really funny jokes-Small Town Justice

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said KEEP QUIET! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell,
"I'm the groom!"

Hillbilly jokes-Blondes go for a movie

Did you hear about the two hillbillies that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Really really funny jokes-Allegations of torture

T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from Midland, TX , was asked on a local 'live' radio talk show, just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.
"If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's balls to a car's battery cables will save just one Texas GI's life, then I have just three things to say...."
"Red is positive, Black is negative, Make sure his balls are wet."

Really funny jokes-Bus ride

While recently riding on the bus standing up, a friend of mine grabbed onto the pole nearest her to keep herself steady while the bus traveled down the road. She soon noticed a young man, who was also hanging on to the same pole, staring at her. Although this was somewhat annoying, she decided to just look the other way.
Soon the bus came to a stop. Clearing his throat, the young man said,
"Excuse me. This is my stop."
Since she wasn't blocking his way, my friend was slightly confused.
"Well," she said, "go ahead."
"And this is my pole," the young man said.
My friend was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain.

Sardar jokes-Remarry

Santa: If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

Really funny jokes-Silent Fart

An old couple were sitting in church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered,
"I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He said,"I think you should get batteries for your hearing aid."

Really funny jokes-Expensive

A professional photographer, at a friend's house for dinner, was asked to show his Portfolio forms a recent overseas trip. His friends were quite impressed "what wonderful Photos! "Said the wife" you must have a very expensive camera."
The photographer just Smiled and waited until after dinner, when he said "Thank you for the delicious meal
You must have very expensive pans!

Kids jokes-Grown ups

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
"What's that, Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well, according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?"
"Er, right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What were all the grown-ups doing?"

Short funny jokes-Stare

Q: Why did Julie stare at the can of frozen orange juice?

A: Because it said "Concentrate."

Really funny jokes-A Walking Economy

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How so?"
"His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting him into a deep depression."

Humor jokes-Old Farmers

Two old farmers had hauled a truck load of squirming hogs eighty miles from their west Kansas farm to the nearest market. The old truck had overheated twice; the hogs were keeping the truck rocking, even when it was stopped, and the hot summer Kansas wind was drying them out fast.

Within three miles of the market, they passed a tavern and pulled in for a couple of draft beers. The place was dimly lit and air conditioned.

After about 20 minutes, one says to the other, "It's going to be really hard to get up, but I reckon we ought to."
About that time, a quite obvious loose woman walks up to the bar, works her way in between them, and says, "You guys look about ready for action. I'll do anything you want me to do for $60."
The old farmer pulls three $20 bills out of his pocket and replies, "Here you go, Ma'am; git that load of hawgs to the Maple Street auction barn."