Short funny jokes-Alien's mother

What did the alien's mother say to the alien?

Where on earth have you been!

Short funny jokes-Karate expert

My brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert who joined the army.

The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Short funny jokes-Hippie

How do you get a hippie out of the bath?

Turn on the water.

Clean jokes-Betting on Horses

‘Betting on horses is a funny old game,’ says a man to his friend. ‘You win one day and lose the next.’

The friend replies, ‘So why not bet every other day?’

Economy jokes-Pessimistic women

Q: Why are Women more pessimistic about the economy than Men?

A: Because men are in charge of the economy!

Clean jokes-Potatoes

1) How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

2) Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

3) Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.

5) What does an American potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!

Animal jokes-Elephant and parrot

What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a parrot?

Something that tells you everything it remembers.

Animal jokes-Bunny

What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do!

How do you post a bunny?
Hare mail.

What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A hare-net.

Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits' feet.

Short funny jokes-Punctuation marks

In a Veteran's Day speech, the American President vowed, 'We will finish the mission. Period.'

Afterwards, he was advised he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks.

Short funny jokes-Whiskey diet

I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.

Valentine's Day joke-Strict attention

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Hilarious jokes-Angry Birds application

A man in Maryland says a flashlight on his iPhone helped save his life after he got lost during a hike. If you think that's cool, this morning the "Angry Birds" app on my iPhone helped save me from three awkward conversations in the elevator.

A husband

Ken, joking to his friend over a round of drinks, "Do you know why every woman needs a husband?"

Bud, "Why?"

Ken, "After all you can’t blame the government for every mistake."

One line jokes-When things go wrong

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

Cricket joke-Pune Warriors fan

If you see a Pune Warriors fan on a motorcycle, why should you not swerve to hit him?

It could be your motorcycle.

Economy jokes-Back to Mexico

"The economy is still hurting. Thirty percent of Americans are so disillusioned, they are thinking of moving back to Mexico."
- Jay Leno

One line jokes-Down under

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

Football jokes-Tornado

Q: Where do you go in Philadelphia in case of a tornado?

A: To the Linc - they never have a touchdown there!

Short funny jokes-No idea

A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"

And the driver replies "Bout wut?"

Football jokes-Tennessee Titans fans

What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen Tennessee Titans fans in one room?

A full set of teeth!