Really funny jokes-Hospital Report

Mr. Wilkins, an elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where he was admitted.

When the doctor arrived for the routine check-up, Mr Wilkins seemed to be quite concerned at one notation.

"I know I was in a bit of a mess, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to the doctor apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."

He was immensely comforted when the doctor explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought (S.O.B.).

Short funny jokes-Judge to dentist

What did the judge say to the dentist?

"Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth."

Hilarious jokes-World famous painter

Remo, who was a painter of international repute, started losing his eyesight in the prime of his career. Naturally, he was very worried about the problem which would ultimately destroy his career, so he went to see Dr. Mehta, who was considered one of the best eye surgeons in the world.

Dr. Mehta put in his best efforts and after several days of delicate surgery and therapy, Remo's eyesight was restored. Remo was so overwhelmed and thankful, that he decided to show his appreciation by repainting the doctor's entire office.

Remo painted a massive eye on one of the walls of Dr. Mehta's office. After completing his work, the painter held a press conference to disclose his latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, a reporter asked Dr. Mehta, "What were your first thoughts when you saw your newly painted office, particularly that large eye on the wall?"

The doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank Heavens I'm not a proctologist.'"

Doctor jokes-Some consolation

Fred was admitted to a hospital for a cerebral aneurysm surgery. Just before the operation, a worried Fred asked the doctor, "I heard this operation is highly risky. What are my chances of survival?"

The Surgeon replied: "I'm absolutely positive that you will survive the operation."

Fred, a little relieved, but still in doubt, asked, "How can you be so sure?"

The Surgeon said, "Four out of five patients die in this operation, and last week, my fourth patient died."

Light bulb jokes-Veterinarians

How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!

Short funny jokes-Doctor in court

A Lawyer was addressing a doctor in court.

Lawyer: Dr. Kirby, did you say the victim was stabbed in the jungle?

Doctor Kirby: No, I said he was stabbed in the lumbar region.

Doctor jokes-Change a light bulb

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.

Really funny jokes-You might be an E.R. Doctor if

You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...

* your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
* discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
* you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
* you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
* you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
* you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
* you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
* you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
* you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
* you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
* your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"

Doctor jokes-God

God in the medical profession

Rick, the Intern, thinks of God.
Jim, the resident, prays to God,
Garry, the doctor talks to God, and
Jill, the nurse IS God.

Pit Bull and Pathologist

Q: What is the difference between a Pit Bull and a Pathologist?

A: A Pit bull lets go when you're dead!

Hilarious jokes-The Optometrist's training

An optometrist was giving training to his new employee, explaining to her how to charge different customers.

At the time you are fitting the glasses, if the customer asks you how much they cost, tell him
- "$100".

If his eyes don't quiver tell him
- "For the frames. The lenses will be $25"

If his eyes still don't quiver, just add
- "Each"

Doctor jokes-Duck analysis

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

Really funny jokes-Eye ear doctor

A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.

"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."

No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."

Funny jokes-Just wind!

My colleague Mary went to the doctor complaining of severe pain in the stomach.

The doctor told her it was 'just wind'.

"Just wind?" reacted Mary, "It was just wind that blew down the Tay Bridge!"

SMS jokes-Love story of a doctor

luv story of a doctor :D

i was in 12th

she was in 12th

i got into MBBS

she got B.COM

i was doing MBBS

she got M.COM

i was doing MBBS

she got an MBA

i completed MBBS

she got married

i was preparing for M.D entrance

she's the mother of two children

i am doing my MD

her daughter is in class 1

i completed MD n internship

her daughter passed 10th

i have joined a job

the gr8est irony- today is my engagement and her daughter is my wife!!

Really funny jokes-Hello

Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.

One turned to the other and said, "Hello."

The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."

Really funny jokes-Heart transplant

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."

Hilarious jokes-An apple a day

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

"That's what they say," said his Dad.

"Well, give me an apple quick ? I've just broken the doctor's window!"

Funny jokes-Blue elephants

Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro.

Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."

Pedro: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"

Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."

Really funny jokes-In case of emergency

A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.

A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.

"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"

"You mean if I become very sick?"

"Well . . . yes."

"If that happens, call a doctor!"