Music joke

Nathan gifted his son Johnny a guitar on his 16th birthday with vouchers for 5 free lessons.

When Johnny returned from his first lesson, Nathan asked him, "How did it go?"

Johnny replied, "I did learn a few notes on the G Major."

In the next week, after the second lesson, Johnny came home and said, "I did learn a few notes on the D string."

After a few days,Johnny came home very late smelling of alcohol and cigarettes.

So Nathan asked him, "What did you learn in today's lesson?"

Johnny replied, "I could not attend today's lesson. I had a gig!"

Drunk driving

Sid and John, totally drunk at the bar, were driving home. Sid yelled, "John! Watch out for the tree. Watch out Johhnnnn!"

Crash!!Boom! Bang!!!

They hit the tree and passed out.

They found themselves in adjacent hospital beds the next morning. Sid said to John, "You are such an idiot. I shouted there was a tree ahead. Why didn't you listen to me???"

John replied, "It was YOU driving!!"

Cab driver

Tom, Peter and Jack were completely sloshed at the bar. When they decided to head home, they all got into a cab. The driver seeing that they were not in their senses, just turned the engine on and then turned it off after some time without moving the cab.

He then announced that they had reached. Tom pulled out some dollars and gave it to the cab driver. Peter just said thanks & got out of the car. Jack, before getting out, slapper the cab driver hard. The cab driver, not expecting to be caught, was taken aback. He asked, "What was that for?"

Jack said, "If I find you drive this rash ever again, I will report you to the police."

Good deed

Fred was at the doors of Heaven. Before allowing him entry, he was asked a number of questions.

One of the questions asked was if he had done any good deeds.

Fred replied, "Yes, of course. I had chanced upon a gang of ruffians who had accosted a young girl. I ordered them to leave her alone but they just laughed. So, I confronted the gang leader and asked him to get lost with his gang. When he would not listen, I gave him a punch right in his face, then another one into his ribs. I kicked him, pulled his hair and announced, "If you care for your life, leave NOW!"

St. Peter was amazed by the courage of the man and asked him, "When did this happen?"

Fred replied, "Just a few minutes back."

Croc scare

Old Mr. Jones living in the countryside, sent his grandson Nick to the riverside to fetch a bucket of water. When Nick dipped the bucket in the water, he saw what appeared to be a crocodile. Terrified, Nick dropped the bucket and ran back to the house. He said to his grandfather, "I cannot get water, Grandpa. There is a big croc in the river. It scared me to death."

Old Mr. Jones said to Nick, "You can ignore that croc, Nick. He's been around for many years now and I have never heard about the old fella hurting anyone. Maybe he is as terrified of you as you are of him."

Nick replied, "Well, if he is as terrified of me as I am of him, then I don't think the water is good to drink."

Airplane design

A small airplane encounters engine failure and begins to nose-dive. The pilot manages to land the aircraft safely on the ocean. He announces that it is an emergency and that all passengers should remain seated. He further declares that the airplane was designed to stay afloat for an hour provided that the doors are not opened. This would give rescue teams enough time to reach out to help them.

A soon as the announcement is over, one of the passengers, Mr. Gupta, runs to open the door. While the passengers look in horror, the pilot yells at Mr. Gupta, "Please do not do that! Didn't you hear what I announced? This airplane won't sink for a while if the door remains closed!"

Mr. Gupta answered, "Ya ya. This plane is also designed to fly, and we all saw how good it was!"

Flea infested

Mrs. Thatcher was seated at the park when she noticed a man take the leash off his dog so that the dog could roam around freely in the park. She said to the man, "Do you mind keeping the pet next to you, mister. I can already feel a flea in my sneakers."

The man called out to his pet, "Buzo, please come here. That lady has fleas."