Flu

Nick, who was unwell for the entire week, called the doctor to visit him at his home.

The doctor arrived and examined Nick. When the doctor was writing his diagnosis & prescription on his notepad, Nick asked him, "Flu?"

The doctor replied, "No, I drove my car."

Fear of flying

Mrs. Coughlan was boarding an airplane for the first time and she was very nervous. She requested to see the pilot and her request was granted. When she met the pilot, she said, "This is my first time. Please assure me you will bring me down safely."

The pilot amused, replied to her, "I can assure you this, madam, that I have never left anyone up there in my entire career."

Cool junior doc

When Tracy went to see the doctor, she had no idea that she would be in for a big surprise. Dr. Jenkins was out, so a junior doctor examined her. Five minutes into the examination hall, and the junior doctor declared that Tracy was pregnant.

She was so shocked, she ran out of the examination hall.

Just then Dr. Jenkins entered the clinic, and saw Tracy in a hysterical condition.

When Tracy told him what happened, he asked her to sit down and relax.

Dr. Jenkins then marched to the examination room and asked the junior doctor, "Are you out of your mind? Don't you know Tracy is 61 years old, she has two grown-up children and several grand-children.Why did you tell her she's pregnant?"

The junior doctor, who was scribbling something on a notepad, continued to write and answered, "She doesn't have hiccups anymore, does she?"

Disneyland

After our hectic 4-day trip to Disneyland in Orlando, we were headed home. As we drove away, my son Neel sighed and said, "Goodbye Donald!"

My daughter Neha waved her hand and said, "Goodbye Daisy!"

I signed and said, "Goodbye dollars!"

Turbulence

A Boeing plane got caught up in turbulence and the passengers were all scared. To keep the passengers calm, the pilot ordered that they all be served beverages.The first passenger said, "I would like a cola".

When the next passenger was asked what she would like, she replied in a shaky voice, "Just give me whatever the pilot is having."

Bartender's dilemma

Daniel, who had lost his arms in a car accident few years back, walked into a bar. He asked Joe the bartender for a glass of beer. When Joe pushed a glass to him, Daniel said, "Listen buddy, I don't have arms. Do you mind holding the glass up to my mouth?"

Joe obliged.

Daniel said after a while, "Can you please pull out my handkerchief from my pocket and wipe my mouth?"

Joe said "Sure" and obliged.

Daniel finished his beer and said, "Do you mind reaching out into my left pocket for the money."

Joe did as told.

Daniel thanked him and said, "You have been very considerate. Can you guide me to the toilet please."

Joe replied, "Ya, you need to get out of the door, take a right, walk 3 blocks, and then turn left. There's one in the store over there."   

Which side of the bar?

Danny, the big wrestler entered a bar and ordered his beer. He sipped from his mug, then loudly announced,  "All you people of the left side of the bar are bl**dy idiots!"

There was silence in the bar. Danny asked again ,"Does anyone have a problem with that?"

He had a few more sips. Then announced again "All you people of the right side of the bar are cowards!"

There was silence in the bar.

He looked around and said, "Does anyone have a problem with that?"

A man got up and walked towards him. Danny looked him in the eye and said, "You got a problem, dude?"

The man replied, "No problem. I'm just going to the right side of the bar."