Memories of an elder sis

Memories of an elder sis

Anyone who has an elder sis will relate to all the below:

- you have been the object of her experiments. She has tried hairstyles, eyeliners, mascara on you

- she has played the teacher and you have been the pupil

- you have been beaten in the pursuit of control of the tv remote

- you have assisted her in experiments in cooking

- she has decided what you are going to be when you grow up

- she made you believe that your parents adopted you

- she has confined you to a room or a bathroom

- if you have been her partner-in-crime, she has taken all the reprimands & bestings for you

- you have felt a sense of security in school with her around

- you can't forget the excitement on you face when someone asked who was elder between the two

- all permissions to be taken from parents was her responsibility  

- you would get sadistic pleasure by irritating her

- she was and will be your bestest friend in the world
 

A good speech

Lydia said to her husband, "Phil, you delivered a great speech today."

Phil said, "Well, thank you. But you know what, the audience was full of stupid morons."

Lydia asked teasingly, "No wonder you started your speech with BROTHERS AND SISTERS!"

Strategy for survival

Ronald Gabriel was known for his love for golf. How good he was at the sport is another story.

Once while playing, the golf ball landed on an ant-hill. Ronald swung at the ball sitting on the ant-hill. One could see an explosion of mud and ants flying in the air. Everything seemed to have moved but not the golf ball which had not budged from its place.

So Ronald gave it another try and again mud & ants flew in all directions but the golf ball remained where it was.

Two ants, Rub & Dub, who had survived the assault were discussing their strategy for survival.

Rub asked, "What do you think should we do?"

Dub replied, "The only sensible thing to do is to get on the ball as as soon as possible."

Neil's letter

When my 5 year old son Neil was scribbling something on a notepad, I asked him teasingly, "Are you writing a letter to God?"

Neil replied, "No. I am writing a letter to myself."

I asked, "All right. What are you writing to yourself?"

Neil replied, "There's no way to know. I have not received the letter yet."

Books you should read

Betty was at home with her dad when she suddenly noticed her boyfriend Rob at the gate.

Betty said to Rob, "Did you come to borrow the book titled DAD DOESN'T LIKE IT by Roger Brown"

Rob replied, "No, I wanted to borrow the book SHOULD I WAIT FOR U IN THE PARK by Ruchi Mukherjee?"

Betty said, "I do not have that book. I suggest you borrow the one titled AT THE COFFEE SHOP by Nazir Hussain."

Rob said, "Ok, please also get THE SOONER THE BETTER by Cindy Chan."

Betty replied, "No problem. I will also fetch WON'T LET U DOWN by Ojas Patel."

Betty's dad said, "Don't tell me he is going to read all those books."

Besst said, "He will dad. He's very smart."

Dad barked, "All right. Just remember to add the book titled DO U THINK I AM STUPID! by James Bond."

Property agent

Ben, a property agent, was showing a condo to a couple, Mr. & Mrs. Jones, who wanted to occupy the property on rent.

Ben asked, "Are you both employed?"

The couple nodded in unison.

Ben asked, "Children?"

Mrs Jones, replied, "Three. Ages six, eight & nine."

Ben asked, "Animals?"

Mrs. Jones replied, "No no. They are all decent and well behaved children."

Acquit a murderer

The DA, staring at the jury of 12 in disbelief said, "How on earth could you acquit this murderer?"

One of them answered, "Insanity."

The DA said, "All 12 of you?"