I am a duck!

Mr. Pereira went to see a shrink about his son's problem.

He said to the shrink, "I am very anxious about my son's condition. He thinks he is a duck."

The shrink asked him, "Since when has he been displaying such behavior?"

Mr. Pereira replied, "Almost 6 months I guess."

The shrink exclaimed, "My god, why didn't you see me earlier about this problem?"

Mr. Pereira replied, "I am ashamed to say this. But we needed the eggs."

Earn a new phone

When Daniel returned home from one of his business trips, he noticed his son showing off a brand new mobile phone.

Daniel asked his son Stephen, "How did you get that?"

Stephen replied, "By getting lost."

Daniel asked, "Getting lost? What do you mean?"

Stephen replied, "While you were away, Mom's boss came home every night and gave me 10 pounds to get lost."

The brute

Joe was running a circus since the last 2 decades. When his lion tamer left, he knew he had to find a replacement soon. In reply to an ad, there were two people who turned up. One was an old guy called Johny and the other a stunning brunette called Lydia.

Joe handed them both a whip each and warned them that the lion was ferocious and quite a brute.

When asked who wanted to try their luck first, Lydia raised her hand. Leaving her whip behind, she simply walked into the lion's cage. Seeing her, the lion got up and charged towards her. Lydia unbuttoned her waistcoat revealing her smooth curves.

The lion stopped, lied down and rolled on the ground like a puppy. He started licking her feet. Joe was astounded by this sight.

He turned to the other candidate, Johny and said, "Well, can you beat that?"

"Sure", said old man Johnny, "Just get that wild animal out of there."

Upset boss

My boss, Mr. Somel was upset with me for coming late to work.

He shouted at me saying, "You should have been here at 9 am."

I replied, "Why? What happened at 9?"

Use of a cell phone

When Abdul went to talk to his shrink about his marital issues, the shrink asked him, "Do you talk to your wife when you make love at night?"

"Of course I do", replied Abdul, "What do you think I use my cell phone for?"

Thunder and lightening

When there was loud thunder and lightening, little Joey was rudely woken out of his slumber and he ran to his parents' bedroom.

His father tried to comfort him by saying, "There's no need to be scared of thunder & lightening. It's just some sound & flash that God makes when he is displeased with someone telling a lie."

Little Joey asked,"But why is God making those sounds at this hour? It's past midnight and everyone is fast asleep."

His father said, "Yes that's right, my son. But this is the time when newspapers get printed!"

Be polite!

When I took my son Neel to a restaurant to have pizza, I could see how impatient he was getting waiting for the pizza to arrive.

When the waiter finally served the pizza, Neel quickly took the bigger piece for himself.

I thought I needed to talk to him, and said, "Neel, you gotta learn to be polite."

"Huh", said Neel, "What was that about?"

"You know what I am talking about", I said.

"Ok" said Neel. "If you had to pick up first, which one would you take?"

I replied, "The smaller one, of course."

Neel shot back, "You want the smaller one, you get the smaller one. So where is the problem?"