Hell's not so bad

Joe Fernandez was involved in a road accident and died. He realized he was in hell when he was approached by an attendant of the devil.

The attendant said, "Why are you looking so depressed?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "I died young. And then I land up in hell. Of course, I am depressed."

The attendant said, "It's not so bad out here. In fact, we have loads of fun. U like booze?"

"Yeah, I do," said Joe Fernandez.

The attendant said, "Tuesdays are booze days. We play rock music and drink beer all day."

Joe Fernandez said, "Sounds good to me."

The attendant asked, "Do you like to smoke?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "I do, yes"

The attendant said, "We get to smoke all we can on Thursdays. The finest cigars are available, we don't care about cancer, we ain't alive anyways."

Joe Fernandez said, "That's awesome!"

The attendant asked, "Do you like to gamble?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "I don't mind."

The attendant said, "Wait till you hear about Fridays. We get to gamble all day. Its smashing!"

Joe Fernandez exclaimed, "I can't believe it!"

The attendant asked, "Do you like to get high on narcot*cs?"

Joe Fernandez said, "Whoa! Man...the works."

The attendant said, "On Sundays, we all get high on weed. All sorts available. Take your pick!"

Joe Fernandez said, "Who would have thought hell is such a rockin' place!"

The attendant asked, "Are u g*y?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "No!"

The attendant said, "I don;t think you are gonna like Mondays."

Mary's birthday

Phil forgot his wife Mary's birthday and she was sure mad as hell.

Mary screamed at him ,"I can't believe this! After doing so much for you for all these years, how could you just forget my b'day?"

Phil replied, "Honey, its not my fault. You never seem to be getting any older. No wonder I forgot."

Mary's anger melted and she hugged Phil.

Phil winked at his refection in the mirror and thought to himself, "Thank God I could come up with this line and the timing was so right! Or else I would have had it today!!!"

Rock-hard bread

 Ronnie asked his friend Bubba, "Why do you have broken teeth?"

Bubba replied, "My wife gave me rock-hard bread."

Ronnie said, "Well, why didn't you just refuse to eat?"

Bubba sighed and replied, "She threw it at me!"

Bus ride

When Tony entered the bus, the only vacant seat he found was between an old lady and a pretty young girl. He took the seat, and was soon nodding off. In no time, he went into a deep slumber. When he woke up with a sudden jerk of the bus, he realized his head was resting on the old lady's lap. He quickly steadied himself and said, "Dear Lord, lead me not into temptation."

Tony dozed off and again and when he woke up this time, he found that his head was resting on the lap of the pretty young girl. Smiling, he said, "Oh Lord, let thy will be done..smyle it off & hv a gr8 day!"

Lost trekker

Stan, a trekking enthusiast, was on one of his trek trips when he realized he was lost. There was fog all around and visibility was poor. He kept wandering for 4 days and almost losing his mind, when the fog
receded, and he noticed a man in the distance. Hopes regained, he ran to the man and cried, "Help!"

The man asked him, "What happened?"

Stan replied, "I am lost! I have been wandering for the past 4 days without food and water."

The man asked him, "Is there a reward for you?"

Stan thought and replied, "I don't think so? Why?"

"Well, if that be the case, you are still lost!" replied the man, and disappeared into the fog.

Game

Sardar Santa Singh was walking through the big estate that his father had left him.

He suddenly noticed a young girl lying naked in the fields.

Santa asked the girl, "Are you game?"

"Yess!", cooed the pretty young thing.

So Sardar Santa Singh shot her.

Too shy, Doctor

When Dorothy went for her annual check-up, the doctor asked her to undress and lie down on the examination table. Her uneasiness evident, Dorothy said to the doctor, "Doctor, I am too shy to undress in front of you."

Dr. Hanks said, "I understand. I will switch off the lights. When you are done undressing, just tell me."

After 2 minutes, Dorothy said to the doctor in the dark, "Doctor Hanks, I am done. Where should I keep my clothes?"

Dr. Hanks replied, "Just keep them over here, on top of mine."

Sandy Hill

Ms. Pitroda, the new Social sciences teacher, had just started teaching, when she noticed Tom walk in late.

She asked, "Why are you late?"

Tom replied. "I was climbing Sandy Hill."

Ms. Pitroda saw another boy called Jack walk in after 10 minutes.

She asked him, "Why so late?"

Jack replied, "I was climbing Sandy Hill."

About 15 minuted later, another boy, Fred walked in.

Ms. Pitroda demanded angrily, "Young man, what is your excuse for coming in so late?"

Fred replied, "I was climbing Sandy Hill."

Ms. Pitroda, now frustrated asked the class, "Will someone tell me where this Sandy Hill is?"

A pretty girl entered the class and said, "I am here mam."

Janie's got a gun

When Janie entered the local store selling sports goods, she was greeted by the owner.

The owner said, "How can I help you miss?"

Janie said, "I want to buy a handgun for my husband."

The owner asked, "Did he give you the specifications?"

Janie replied, "You must be joking. He has no idea that I plan to shoot him!"