Bruno's dilemma

Bruno loves mountain climbing, so off he goes scaling heights in the Himalayas. He is almost at the peak of the mountain, when his slips and plunges down. He falls thirty feet, when he grabs on to a bush that is protruding out of a rock.

Bruno looks shown and shudders when he sees the depth. It looks to him that death is imminent. His hands begin to slip and he starts losing his grip on the bush.

In desperation, Bruno cries out loud, "Is anyone up there who can help me?"

Just then, a voice booms from the skies, "Bruno, I am God. Have faith in me. Let go of that bush.I will protect you."

Bruno looks down at the depth again, and then looks up and says, "Is anyone else up there?"

Refrain

Sardar Santa Singh decides to give up all worldly things for a period of 6 months. He took an oath to refrain from all worldly desires to appease the Gods so that his dream of watching his country win the Cricket World cup comes true.

He tells his wife about the decision and that he would also have to refrain from all nocturnal activities. His wife Jeeto is not happy with the idea but decides to support him nevertheless as it is for a good cause.

One week goes by, then the second, and Sardar Santa Singh finds it more and more difficult to control himself. To help him, Jeeto wears the most uglly nightdresses and does not brush before going to bed. three to four months go by. The last 2 months are the most difficult for Santa, so Jeeto locks him out of the bedroom every night and he is forced to sleep on the sofa.

Finally, D-Day arrives and there were loud knocks on Jeeto's bedroom door.

Sardar Santa Singh asks, "Guess who is this?"

Jeeto replies, "I very well know who it is."

Sardar Santa Singh asks, "Guess what I need?"

Jeeto replies, "I very well know what you need!"

Sardar Santa Singh asks, "Guess what I am pounding the door with?"

Is she better?

Neil was engaged to Betty. One day, he dropped by to see her and said, "I am sorry, darling but I have to call off our engagement. I have to marry another girl."

Betty became hysterical and cried, "Why Niel? Why do you wish to marry another girl? Is she better looking than me?"

"No", answered Niel. "She is not."

Betty's next question was, "Does she cook better than me?"

"No", answered Niel, "Her best doesn't even come close to yours."

Betty asked, "Does she buy you things like I do?"

"No", answered Niel, "She does not work, and has no bank balance."

Betty, completely frustrated by now, asked, "Then what can she do that I cannot do?"

Niel, avoiding eye contact, answered, "She can go to court for child support."

Just an apple

Monty Moolik was the Chairman of an organization that promoted vegetarian food. For years, he had one wish - to experience the taste of pork. when the feeling was getting a little out of hand, he decided to go on a vacation all by himself and experiment. So he headed for a beach resort away from town, and found a nice restaurant to have his dinner. He ordered a roasted pig, and waited for the experience of a life time. The wait was making him a little edgy, when he heard his name being called from behind. When he turned to see who was calling out his name, he was flabbergasted to see a member of the Veg society walking towards him. At the same time, the waiter came along with a big platter, carrying a full roasted pig and an apple in it's mouth.

Monty thought fast and finally said to his fellow member, "Look at this! I just order an apple and look what it came in!!"

Boka

My dear friend, Boka was taken to the emergency room of Apollo hospital. When the doctor saw the burn marks on his ears, he asked, "How did this happen?"

Boka replied, "Well the missus was ironing clothes right next to the computer table where I was playing games on my PC. She kept the iron next to the phone and when the phone rang, I picked the iron."

The doctor rolled his eyes and asked, "What happened to the other ear."

The dim-witted Boka replied, "Immediately after that, the phone rang again."

Tormented

Harold was very nervous. He was going to be a father soon and the endless wait at the hospital was not doing him any good.
 

Nancy was in labour and Harold could hear her screams. The nurses asked him to take it easy but nothing seemed to comfort Harold.

After what seemed to be an eternity, a nurse came out from the operating room and announced, "It's a girl!"

Heaving a sigh of relief and visibly relaxed, Harold said, "Thnk God it's a girl. At least she won't be tormented the way I just was!"

The value of aroma

Derrick ran a small laundry shop but business was not good. His shop was next to the upscale 5-Spice Restaurant. Derrick's wife, Martha, would pack his lunch box with simple food that they could afford.

Everyday during lunch time, Derrick would sit in the garden in the back of his shop and eat his lunch. He would enjoy the tantalizing aroma that came from the restaurant next door. The restaurant's owner Mr. Anderson, would often notice Derrick having his lunch in his garden.

One day, Derrick received a bill from the 5-Spice restaurant. Derrick went to see Mr. Anderson to find out what the bill was for. He was told that the bill had been forwarded as Derrick was enjoying food of the restaurant and was therefore liable to pay for it.

When Derrick refused to comply to such a ridiculous demand, the matter went to Court.

The judge asked the restaurant owner to explain himself.
 

Mr. Anderson said, "This man who owns a small store next to my restaurant, has his lunch near my kitchen every day. He can be clearly seen smelling our food while eating his. Our rich food is giving value addition to the ordinary food that he eats, and we deserve to be compensated for it.

The judge then asked Derrick to explain himself.

Derrick remained quiet and put his hands in his pocket and played with the coins inside making rattling sounds.

The judge asked, "What are you doing?"

Derrick replied, "I am paying Mr. Anderson for the aroma of his food with the sound of my coins."

Engine trouble

Kingfisher Airlines was operating it's flight from Bombay to Goa. The passengers were all looking forward to their holiday in Goa when suddenly there was an announcement in the plane.

"There is a technical fault in one of the engines of the plane. This will cause a delay of 20 minutes in landing."

There was some commotion among the passengers and then everyone settled down.

A little later, there was another announcement.

"The first engine has failed and the second engine has also developed a fault.There will be a delay of another 60 minutes."
Passengers voice their concerns and then they settle down again.

A third announcement follows.

"Two engines failed. Third engine developed fault. Too much pressure on the last engine. Delay of another 2 hours"
An old lady, who was looking forward to the beaches of Goa and not too happy with the situation, said loudly "I hope the fourth engine remains intact. I don't want to spend the rest of the night up here."

What is the Pope like?

Matteo and Antonio were cobblers in a small village near Sicily.

They were doing fine in their business. Matteo had been wanting to see the Pope for a long time, so one day he packed his bags and left for Rome.

Matteo returned after 2 weeks. Antonio could not wait to meet him and learn everything about his trip. So he rushed to Matteo's home and asked him, "Tell me Matteo, what is the Pope like?"

Matteo replied, "Size 38."