Really funny jokes-College graduate

A young guy got a job of a trainee in a supermarket.

On his first day at work, he reached in time, eager to make a fresh beginning. The manager welcomed him with a warm smile and giving him a broom, said, "Your first job will be to sweep the floor."

The young guy protested,"But I'm a college graduate"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, hand me the broom, I will show you how to sweep the floor."

The richest man in the World

When Bill Gates was a young boy, he had a pet crow. He tried to teach the bird how to speak, introducing a new word every day.

It was disappointing for him as the crow would not make any sound, until one day the crow uttered the words, "Bill, someday you will become the richest man in the world".

Bill was amazed. He wanted to learn more but the crow became quiet and would not utter another word. So, he decided to go to a gypsy fortune-teller. The old lady looked into her crystal ball and said, "You are destined to be the richest man in the world, but you need to perform a simple task."

When she told Bill what is to be done, he ran home, full of excitement. Bill's mother found him cooking something in the kitchen the next morning.

She asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Mother, do you remember what the crow said to me the other day?"

His mother said, "Right Bill, but what are you cooking?"

"Well," said Bill, "I went to see the Gypsy fortune-teller and she confirmed what the crow had to say!"

"Wow, that's wonderful!" said his mother, "But what is it that you are cooking in the pot?"

"Well, the gypsy woman told me that I needed to do a simple thing to get my fortune!"

His mother said impatiently, "Yes Bill, now will you tell me what are you cooking?"

His eyes gleaming, Bill Gates replied "Well, she asked me to make MY CROW SOFT!!"

Complicated name

One early morning, Rehan’s wife died after a long illness. Rehan called for an ambulance from the funeral service. He said: “My wife is no more. She died this morning.”

The operator said, “I am sorry to hear that. I will arrange to send an ambulance right away. And what is the name of the street, sir?”

Rehan replied, “It’s Chincholi Bunder road.”

The Operator asked: “Err….. will you spell it for me, sir? “

Rehan replied, “No I will just haul her down to your place.”

Restaurant jokes-Conversation

I was dining in a famous restaurant in town, and I overheard this conversation between two people at the next table.

First diner: "I don't like the chief of the Nakoda tribe!"

Second diner: "Ok then, just eat the vegetables."

Really funny jokes-Perfect fit

I was a salesman at one of the big departmental stores in Bombay. One day, a lady walked in and asked me to help her select a sky blue shirt that she wanted to gift her husband. When I asked her about the size, she seemed to be at a loss for a while, then suddenly she was cheerful, and holding up her arms, she formed a circle with her thumbs and forefingers.

"I am not sure about the size, but his neck fits perfectly between by hands!"

Adult jokes-Warm up

Kurt comes home from work and finds his wife Katy sliding down the banister.

Kurt says, "What the heck are you doing?"

Katy replies, "Warming up your dinner."

Broom story

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

Smart thinking

Did you know that in the olden days the Swedes who used to drive on the left, later realized that this caused too many accidents with tourists used to the right, hence they decided to switch to driving on the right side, but because they were smart and thinking people, they decided to affect the switch gradually.

So they came to the conclusion that on the first of the next month all commercial vehicles like cabs and buses would start driving on the right and if all went well, all private vehicles like cars and two wheelers would switch to right the next day.

Really funny jokes-Laws of Auto Racing

Laws of Auto Racing

10) The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times you said "I think it will go ok today".

9) You only get the lead when you need fuel.

8) If a tire can go on the wrong side, it will.

7) A part will never break during a test session, only during a race.

6) The driver behind you is always the one you punted last week.

5) The part you left at the shop is the one you need.

4) The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.

3) Your good car will get wrecked, your bad car will finish the race, two laps down.

2) The concrete wall is harder at the tracks you wreck at.

1) A 10-car pileup will never happen behind you!

Hilarious jokes-Learning Spanish

An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, “Mira el mosca!” The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, “No, senor, ‘la mosca’… es feminina.”

The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens… you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

In the mirror

Joshina asks her husband Derek for money, so she can go and buy groceries from the local store.

She asks for 50 dollars but Derek tells her, "You out of your mind?". He then pulls her to the mirror, and says,"I'll show you something. This 50-dollar bill is mine and the one you see in the mirror is yours. Am I clear?"

Joshina says nothing and goes out. 

That evening, Derek finds the kitchen full of groceries. Angered, he demands from his wife where did it all come from. 

Joshina beckons him to the mirror & pulls her skirt up. She says, "The one in the mirror is yours. This one is for the grocer."

Short funny jokes-Kiss goodbye

There was this Swede whose name was Swenson. Swenson took his fat wife everywhere he went. You know why? That's because he wouldn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Look good!

Robert was shaving his beard when he finds his wife Laila walk into the bathroom and she starts shaving below her waist.

Robert says, "Appraisal meeting with top boss today for promotion. Need to look nice and clean."

Laila says from the other end of the bathroom, "Same here."

Dream

My grandson Jim found a penny in the grass and proudly displayed it to me.

"What good is it?" I said, "You cant buy anything with it."

"Yes you can," Jim replied promptly. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well."