Short funny jokes-Lost seat

An Irishman was traveling on the night-train, but was unable to find his seat.

The conductor asked him if he could approximately remember where it was.

"No," the Swede said, "all I can remember is that there was a river outside of it."

Really funny jokes-Out of place

A young man walks through New York Chinatown and notices a shop with the name Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. He thought it seemed out of place but curiosity got the best of him and he walked into the shop. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in the corner.

He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?

Old Man - That's the name of the owner.

Young Man - Who's the owner?

Old Man - I am.

Young Man - How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen?

Old Man - Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was standing in line at Immigration. A man in front of me was a big blond Norwegian. The lady from Immigration asked him, What is your name? He say "Hans Olaffsen". Lady ask me, What is your name? I say Sam Ting.

Good jokes-Habit

A nun is walking down the street , when a priest stops her to ask, "Can I walk you to the Convent?"
The Nun replies, "Ok, Just this time."

On reaching the Convent, he asks her, "Can I kiss you?"

She says, "Ok, fine with me, but do not get into the habit."

Hilarious jokes-Indecisive

Statement by a candidate in Washington State during the 2000 campaign:

"...and if elected, I will not be, as my opponent has been in office, undecisive, uh, indecisive."h

Really funny jokes-Desperately seeking Roses

I wanted to buy some flowers for my wife, so I went to the florist shop. As the shopkeeper was preparing a bouquet of Red roses for me, a guy barged in and asked for a dozen red roses.

The shopkeeper, pointing at me, replied to him that the last bunch of roses was already sold. Looking at me, this guy pleaded desperately, "Can you PLEASE give me those roses?"

I asked the man, "What's wrong? Did you forget your Wedding Anniversary?"

"Even worse", he admitted", "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"

Funny jokes-To the extent

She was Blonde to the extent that:

...she wanted to check how long she could sleep, so she took a ruler to bed
...she thought General Motors was an army man.
...she thought there was a new CD for cats called Meow Mix.
...she studied hard for a blood test.
...she thought she had to buy a token to get into "Soul Train."
...she sold the car so she could buy gas!
...she took Bus No. 33 twice when she missed Bus No. 66

Obama jokes-Nintendo for the Pope

“So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they’re saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope.”
–Jay Leno

Really funny jokes-Things to do when computer crashes

Today, everyone is a victim of what we call the Internet lifestyle. Given below is a list of things for you to do when your computer crashes.

1. You can dial 911 instantly.

2. Pull open the curtains to observe i there have been any changes in the last 2 years.

3. Do you mean there is actually something else to do?

4. You can threaten your server with an impeachment vote.

5. You can Work for a change.

6. Introduce yourself again to your immediate family.

7. Consider that kidney transplant you've been putting off for so long.

8. Check out if yuor eyes can focus on objects further than 4 feet.

9. Get your chair fixed at a store near you for butt groove.

10. Look for Tylenol!

11. You can do some shopping with your clothes on.

12. You can check your snail mail box every 10 minutes.

Good jokes-Jury and justice

How do you define Jury?
It is a team of twelve individuals trying to figure out which party has the best lawyer.

How do you define Justice?
It can be defined as a decision which favors you.

One line jokes-Going to Court

Going to Court means that your fate is in the hands of twelve people who were not good enough to get out of jury duty!

Really funny jokes-Apples on trees

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but are real easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now, men.... Men are like a fine wine.

They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Short funny jokes-Party game

What is a party game played by Swedes?

One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.

Clean jokes-Biology Revisited

Biology Revisited

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Really funny jokes-French humor

Funny French Humor

1. The firm Hunt-Wesson introduced its "Big John" products in French Canada as "Gros Jos" before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big bosoms". Apparently the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales of their product.

2. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious pornographic magazine.

3. Seen in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

4. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

5. In a Chambres d'Htes in Brittany, France: "The genuine antics in your room come from our family castle. Long life to it." and "Please avoid coca watering, cream cleaning, wet towels wrapping, and ironing drying."