Funny jokes-Lawyer in the house!

A lawyer, who was talking to his son about admission to college, said, "Fred, what made you decide that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"

"My point is," answered Fred, "have you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and scream hysterically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?' "

Economy jokes-Stocks getting cheap

Q: How do you know when stocks are getting really cheap?

A: When Wall Street is called Wal-Mart Street.

An experiment in science

Abdul Qadeer Khan, the famous Pakistani scientist decided to conduct an experiment to determine how rapidly a thermometer falls down.

So he took thermometer and a lit candle to the 7rd floor of a building, dropped them and observed that they both touched the ground at the same time. The famous Pakistani scientist concluded in his book: "A thermometer falls with the speed of light."

Really funny jokes-The ways to grade the final exams

The ways to grade the final exams

Dept of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.

Dept of Philosophy:
What is a grade?

Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A.

Hilarious jokes-Carrier pilot

A landing signal officer (LSO) shouts at a novice fighetr pilot after his 8th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

Short funny jokes-Electric eggs

Laurel : What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

Hardy: A battery hen!

Really funny jokes-Funeral procession

Joe is declared dead at the hospital after he was involved in a car accident.

His funeral procession was going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearse flies open accidentally and the coffin falls out then speeds down the busy street and crashes into a pharmacy.

The lids pops open and Joe, the deceased says to the dazed pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin'?"

Hilarious jokes-Lawyer speak

When the man in the street says: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," the lawyer writes:

"Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."

Light bulb jokes-Artists

How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

One line jokes-Biology

Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.

Really funny jokes-Prohibited!

How the law works in different countries

In you are in the USA, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted.
In you are in Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited.
In you are in Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law.
In you are in France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.
In you are in Switzerland, everything that is not prohibited by law is obligatory.

Doctor jokes-Some consolation

Fred was admitted to a hospital for a cerebral aneurysm surgery. Just before the operation, a worried Fred asked the doctor, "I heard this operation is highly risky. What are my chances of survival?"

The Surgeon replied: "I'm absolutely positive that you will survive the operation."

Fred, a little relieved, but still in doubt, asked, "How can you be so sure?"

The Surgeon said, "Four out of five patients die in this operation, and last week, my fourth patient died."

Temptation

Ron's terribly overweight and his doctor put him on a diet plan. His wife Carla has to keep an eye on him so he doesn't indulge himself.

On his birthday, he helps himself to a large piece of chocolate cake, and his wife reprimands him for asking for me.

Ron protests, "Don't you see, I can resist everything except temptation."

Really funny jokes-Calm and confident

Sunny and Logan were shipwrecked on a remote island. After 2 days, Sunny realized there's no way out of the island and began sobbing. He cried, "There's no food or water here. We are going to die!"

Logan, who was resting against a palm tree, seemed to be calm and composed. Seeing Logan so relaxed, Sunny yelled at him. "Don't you understand? We are going to die!!"

Logan replied, "You don't understand, I make $250,000 a week."

Sunny stared at him in disbelief and asked, "How does it matter?? We're on this god-forsaken island with no food and no water! We're so going to die!!!"

Logan said, "You're not getting it. I earn $250,000 a week and I give 20% to charity. My pastor will find me!"