Laurel: How do I fit more pigs in my farm?
Hardy: Build a sty-scraper!
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Friday, June 22, 2012
Court room humor
Hilarious courtroom exchange
Lawyer: Did he pick the pug up by the ears?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: What was he doing with the pug's ears?
Witness: Lifting them up in the air.
Lawyer: Where was the dog at this time?
Witness: Connected to the ears.
Lawyer: Did he pick the pug up by the ears?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: What was he doing with the pug's ears?
Witness: Lifting them up in the air.
Lawyer: Where was the dog at this time?
Witness: Connected to the ears.
Labels:
animal jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Really funny jokes-Efficiency consultant
An efficiency consultant submitted his report of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony No. 8 in B minor:
# All 12 violins played the same notes. This is unnecessary duplication. Their number should be reduced.
# For a considerable period of time, above players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and their work spread evenly among other staff.
# No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that was already handled by the strings. If such redundancies were eliminated, the concert could be cut 20 minutes.
# The symphony has two movements. Mr. Schubert should have been able to achieve his musical goals in one.
Conclusion: If Mr. Schubert had paid attention to these matters, he would have had time to finish the symphony.
# All 12 violins played the same notes. This is unnecessary duplication. Their number should be reduced.
# For a considerable period of time, above players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and their work spread evenly among other staff.
# No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that was already handled by the strings. If such redundancies were eliminated, the concert could be cut 20 minutes.
# The symphony has two movements. Mr. Schubert should have been able to achieve his musical goals in one.
Conclusion: If Mr. Schubert had paid attention to these matters, he would have had time to finish the symphony.
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Light bulb jokes-Veterinarians
How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!
Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!
Labels:
Clean jokes,
doctor jokes
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Mother-in-law's dentures
Reena, who hailed from a small town in Punjab, moved to New Delhi to live with her daughter and son-in-law. Since she was not keeping well lately, her daughter suggested she move into their home in the city. She brought along most of her treasured possessions which included a small box with five broken teeth from her dentures.
Once settled in the new environment, she asked her son-in-law, Dev where she could get her dentures mended.
Dev offered, "Give them to me and I'll take them to a dentist."
Reena gave her little box containing the teeth to Dev who took them to a dental lab.
He asked the technician how long it would take to mend the dentures, to which the technician replied, "About an hour."
Dev tells him, "I'll do some shopping and collect the dentures on my way back."
When Dev returns to the lab, the technician hands him a plastic bag and his mother-in-law's little box. He says, "I'm sorry I could only fit five of the teeth to the denture."
"Oh!" exclaims Dev,"and what happened to the sixth one?"
"It's here in the box," answers the technician, showing it to Dev. "Fitting the teeth is easy but it's impossible to fit this peanut."
Once settled in the new environment, she asked her son-in-law, Dev where she could get her dentures mended.
Dev offered, "Give them to me and I'll take them to a dentist."
Reena gave her little box containing the teeth to Dev who took them to a dental lab.
He asked the technician how long it would take to mend the dentures, to which the technician replied, "About an hour."
Dev tells him, "I'll do some shopping and collect the dentures on my way back."
When Dev returns to the lab, the technician hands him a plastic bag and his mother-in-law's little box. He says, "I'm sorry I could only fit five of the teeth to the denture."
"Oh!" exclaims Dev,"and what happened to the sixth one?"
"It's here in the box," answers the technician, showing it to Dev. "Fitting the teeth is easy but it's impossible to fit this peanut."
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Chemical formula for Ice
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for Water?
Little Johnny: It's H2O
Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?
Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.
Little Johnny: It's H2O
Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?
Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Kids Jokes
Funny jokes-Good morning!
How to identify students when the professor walks into the class and says good morning.
* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.
* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Monday, June 18, 2012
Short funny jokes-Doctor in court
A Lawyer was addressing a doctor in court.
Lawyer: Dr. Kirby, did you say the victim was stabbed in the jungle?
Doctor Kirby: No, I said he was stabbed in the lumbar region.
Lawyer: Dr. Kirby, did you say the victim was stabbed in the jungle?
Doctor Kirby: No, I said he was stabbed in the lumbar region.
Labels:
doctor jokes,
Short funny jokes
Funny jokes-Ship going down!
A deluxe cruise liner was sinking. The captain had to persuade the passengers of every country very tactfully to jump into the sea.
He told the American, "You'll be a Hero if you jump into the sea."
He told the English, "a gentleman would certainly jump into the sea."
He told the German, "It's a rule to jump into the sea in such conditions."
He told the Italian, "Women will admire you if you jump into the sea."
He told the French, "Do not jump into the sea."
He told the Japanese, "Look, every passenger is jumping into the sea."
He told the American, "You'll be a Hero if you jump into the sea."
He told the English, "a gentleman would certainly jump into the sea."
He told the German, "It's a rule to jump into the sea in such conditions."
He told the Italian, "Women will admire you if you jump into the sea."
He told the French, "Do not jump into the sea."
He told the Japanese, "Look, every passenger is jumping into the sea."
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Teacher jokes-Sleeping student
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Short funny jokes-Room service
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait, someone else is using it."
"Please wait, someone else is using it."
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes,
SMS jokes
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Clean jokes-Long distance
Laurel: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
Hardy: To take a nap?
Laurel: No, to make a long-distance caw.
Hardy: To take a nap?
Laurel: No, to make a long-distance caw.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Short funny jokes
Really funny jokes-Political corruption trial
At the peak of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he thundered, "that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Friday, June 15, 2012
Short funny jokes-Side effects
Jill asks the pharmacist: "Why does my prescribed medication have 30 side effects?"
The Pharmacist replies: "well, that's all we've documented so far."
The Pharmacist replies: "well, that's all we've documented so far."
Labels:
Good jokes,
Short funny jokes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)