I said to my son, Neel - if Darwin was correct, you will probably figure it out in a few million years.
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Friday, June 8, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Hilarious jokes-When I am old
Tina asks Bill, "Will you love me when I'm old and graying?"
Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"
Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes
Really funny jokes-You might be an E.R. Doctor if
You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...
* your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
* discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
* you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
* you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
* you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
* you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
* you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
* you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
* you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
* you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
* your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"
* your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
* discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
* you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
* you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
* you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
* you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
* you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
* you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
* you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
* you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
* your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"
Labels:
doctor jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Short funny jokes-Music in Church
Q: Why can't skeletons play music in church?
A: They need organs to play !
A: They need organs to play !
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Eskimo relative
Q: Agent 007 has an Eskimo relative. Can you guess his name?
A: It's Polar Bond
A: It's Polar Bond
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Really funny jokes-Reliability of birth control pills
A blonde couple - Brenda and her husband, Joe go to their pharmacist and begin to ask questions like if the pharmacy checks for medications past their expiration date and the reliability of a certain manufacturer that makes birth control pills. After answering their queries, the pharmacist asks them what is wrong. Brenda explains, "I have been using birth control pills and despite that, I continue to get pregnant."
The pharmacist is astonished and asks Brenda if she takes the pills every day.
Brenda replies, "My husband Joe takes them every day."
"Why???" the pharmacist looks questioningly at the blonde couple.
"Oh, after we read all those possible side-effects, Joe offered 'Listen honey... I don't want you taking that stuff.. it's too dangerous.....let ME take them.' "
The pharmacist is astonished and asks Brenda if she takes the pills every day.
Brenda replies, "My husband Joe takes them every day."
"Why???" the pharmacist looks questioningly at the blonde couple.
"Oh, after we read all those possible side-effects, Joe offered 'Listen honey... I don't want you taking that stuff.. it's too dangerous.....let ME take them.' "
Labels:
Blonde jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Monday, June 4, 2012
Duplicating life
Ronald, a scientist by profession, was anti-God. He had a chance to meet God and said, "Well, you are not needed any more, we have come up with a way to create humans without you."
God smiled and said, "All right, let me see you do it."
Ronald bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful of mud .
God stopped him and said, "Wait a minute. Get your own dirt!"
God smiled and said, "All right, let me see you do it."
Ronald bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful of mud .
God stopped him and said, "Wait a minute. Get your own dirt!"
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Good jokes
Hilarious Lawyer jokes
Lance, the lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?
Vinnie, the witness: Not yet.
----
Lance, the lawyer: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
Vinnie, the witness: The victim lived.
----
Lance, the lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Vinnie, the witness: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
----
Lance, the lawyer: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
Vinnie, the witness: He didn’t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture.
Vinnie, the witness: Not yet.
----
Lance, the lawyer: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
Vinnie, the witness: The victim lived.
----
Lance, the lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Vinnie, the witness: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
----
Lance, the lawyer: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
Vinnie, the witness: He didn’t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture.
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Funny jokes-Two pharmacists
Mark and Martha, two young pharmacists are having a professional discussion at their office.
Mark : What do you want this time, with coat or without coat?
Martha: Let it be with coating, because I don't want to release granules earlier.
Mark: So, Shall I begin molding?
Martha: No, first close the door and window and switch off, because this work is light sensitive.
Mark : What do you want this time, with coat or without coat?
Martha: Let it be with coating, because I don't want to release granules earlier.
Mark: So, Shall I begin molding?
Martha: No, first close the door and window and switch off, because this work is light sensitive.
Labels:
Adult jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Clean jokes-Bald eagle
Jack: How will you recognize a bald eagle?
Jill: All his feathers will be combed over to one side.
Jill: All his feathers will be combed over to one side.
Labels:
animal jokes,
Clean jokes
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Short funny jokes-Higher powers
Santa : Do you know, Atheists do not solve exponential equations.
Banta: Really? Why is that?
Santa: That's because they don't have faith in higher powers.
Banta: Really? Why is that?
Santa: That's because they don't have faith in higher powers.
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Really funny jokes- Classified classics
A compilation of hilarious classified classics!!!
** A superb and economical restaurant. Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
** Sale! Sale! An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
** We don't tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
** Great chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
** Dinner Special - Turkey $2.75; Chicken or Beef $2.50; Children $2.00.
** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
** A superb and economical restaurant. Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
** Sale! Sale! An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
** We don't tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
** Great chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
** Dinner Special - Turkey $2.75; Chicken or Beef $2.50; Children $2.00.
** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
One line jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Friday, June 1, 2012
One line jokes-Amnesia
I liked the sound of the word "Amnesia", and then I could not remember it.
Labels:
One line jokes,
SMS jokes
Hilarious jokes-Mexican bandit
Agusto, a Mexican bandit robbed a bank. As he was trying to escape with the booty, the sheriff and his deputy chased him and tracked him down in the woods.
Agusto was handcuffed, and the sheriff, who didn't know Spanish, asked him where he had hidden the loot.
"No se nada," he replied.
The sheriff put a gun to Agusto's head, turned to his deputy who could speak Spanish as well as English, and said, "Tell him that if he doesn't disclose where the money is right now, I'll blow his head to smithereens."
On receiving the translation in Spanish, Agusto got excited and started talking. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero."
The sheriff asked the deputy, "What's he saying?"
The deputy replied, "He says he wants to die like a man."
Agusto was handcuffed, and the sheriff, who didn't know Spanish, asked him where he had hidden the loot.
"No se nada," he replied.
The sheriff put a gun to Agusto's head, turned to his deputy who could speak Spanish as well as English, and said, "Tell him that if he doesn't disclose where the money is right now, I'll blow his head to smithereens."
On receiving the translation in Spanish, Agusto got excited and started talking. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero."
The sheriff asked the deputy, "What's he saying?"
The deputy replied, "He says he wants to die like a man."
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
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