Really funny jokes-Viola player

Joseph, the viola player was returning from a concert and decided to stop at a bar to have some beer. Halfway through his drink, he remembered he had left his viola on the passenger's seat of the car.

He ran outside, but it already late - someone had broken the window and put three more violas on the rear seat!!!

Short funny jokes-Kids

Q. Can you define Adults?

A. They are just kids with money.

Hilarious jokes-Hungry Rip

An Sea monster, Rip and a Sea serpent, Jin were friends. They were swimming around looking for food. They came across a ship that was hauling potatoes. Rip, the sea monster, swam underneath the ship, toppled it and ate everything on the ship.

After some time, they came across another ship, again carrying potatoes. Rip again went on a rampage, turned the ship upside down and ate everything the ship was carrying.

They found a third ship which was also hauling potatoes and Rip attacked once again and gobbled up everything.

Finally his friend Jin asked him, "Why do you keep toppling those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?"

Rip replied, "I wish I had not done that, but it's impossible to stop once I start. Everyone knows you can't eat just one potato ship."

Really funny jokes-If you didn't use

Sam and Jill, a not-so-well-to-do couple, go to a very exclusive hotel to stay for the night. The manager immediately recognized their worth but could not ask them to leave, so he decided to act smart.

The next morning, when the couple came down to settle their dues, they were surprised to find a bill of $4000 waiting for them.

Sam was annoyed and said, "What is the meaning of this? We just spent a night in this hotel!"

The manager said, "You have to understand this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, gyms, pubs and restaurants, all this is very expensive to maintain."

Sam protested,"But we didn't use any of these!"

The manager said, "If you didn't use the facilities, that's your problem."

Sam said, "In that case, you owe me $1000. You see, my wife here is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill."

"Why should I pay?" the manager was taken aback, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"

Sam replied quickly, "If you didn't use her services - that's your problem!"

Short funny jokes-Duck

Tom: Tell me the difference between a duck and a co-pilot?

Jerry: A duck can fly.

Sardar jokes-Table manners

Santa : Are my table manners good if I eat fried chicken with your fingers?

Banta: No, you need to eat your fingers separately.

Hilarious jokes-Village blacksmith

The village blacksmith, Joe was looking for an apprentice and was happy to find his wife's brother Pip, who was willing to work hard for long hours.

Joe immediately began giving instructions to Pip, "When I remove the shoe from the fire, I'll put it on the anvil; and as soon as I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."

Pip, the apprentice did exactly as he told. Now Pip is the village blacksmith.

One line jokes-No shortage

There will never be a shortage of Arithmetic teachers as they are always multiplying.

Really funny jokes-Double positive

Professor Kachwala, a linguistics teacher at Narsee Monjee was in the middle of his lecture.

He said, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. However, there are some languages like Russian, in which a double negative remains a negative. But there is not a single language in the world, in which a double positive can convey a negative."

Asad, a student, sitting in the last bench retorted, "Yeah, right."

Short funny jokes-Drunk chicken

Santa: What can drunk chicken give you?

Banta: Scotch eggs!

Kids jokes-Were you in Noah's ark?

My five-year-old boy, Neel, loves to sit on his grandfather's lap and listen to stories read out to him. One day, after his grandfather had told him the story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of different animals to the safety of the ark, Neel asked, "Grandpa, you are so old, I am sure you were also in Noah's ark, were you?"

His grandfather replied, "No, my dear".

Neel asked, "In that case, how is it that you survived the flood?"

Really funny jokes-Double room

Jim, a traveling salesman goes to a hotel late in the night and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk is completing the formalities, Jim looks around and finds a stunning blonde seated in the lobby. He tells the clerk to excuse him for a moment and heads to the lobby. He is back in a minute with the blonde on his arm.

"Fancy banging into my wife here," he tells the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room after all."

Next morning, when Jim comes to settle his bill, he finds the amount to be $4200. "What the hell is this?" he yells at the clerk. "I have been here for just a night!"

"You are right, Sir," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for 4 weeks."

Hilarious jokes-Civil War

Jany, a blonde tourist, could not resist asking it any more, so she questioned the guide, "Give me a good reason why so many of the famous Civil War battles had to be fought on National Park Sites?"

One line jokes-Skinny woman

Facts of life: Outside every skinny woman is a fat guy, trying to get in.