Light bulb jokes-Nurses

How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, as they simply have a nursing assistant to do it.
As many as the doctor orders.

How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend five hours in the waiting room.

Short funny jokes-Two sticks

Can you imagine a guy so dumb that his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor.

Funny jokes-Harley and dog

Do you know the difference between a Harley Davidson and a dog?

The dog can get in the back of the pickup truck by itself.

Just a smile

An income tax officer entered Andrew's office one morning and asked for his account books. Andrew was hesitant and upset as he was not sure of his accounts. The Income tax officer, an old hand at this game, guessed what was going on in Andrew’s mind and tried to sooth him: “Mr. Andrew, you are living in a great democratic country and doing good business without any trouble. In return, your country expects you to pay your taxes with a smile, is it too much?”

Andrew (relieved): “With a smile? Thank god for small mercies, I thought it will have to be cash.”

Clean jokes-Fifty thousand dollars for a Dog

An economist had finished his day at work and was leaving for home, when he noticed a small boy call out to him from the footpath where he was sitting with a dog. The boy said, "Sir, would you like to buy a dog."

The economist was surprised by the approach, but asked nevertheless, "How much are you selling the dog for?"

The boy replied "Twenty thousand dollars."

"Twenty thousand dollars for this dog!" the economist exclaimed. "Does he know any special tricks to make him worth so much money?"

The boy replied, "Sir, this dog never made a dime in his life. If you take into consideration the expenses on his food, I think you will lose money on him every year."

The economist did not want to let go the opportunity to lecture the boy about the principles of economics and explained to him the fact that a commodity needed to yield more returns than it consumed to equal a purchase price. He finished by saying that the five dollars could be the maximum sum that should be expected for the dog, that too from somebody who just wanted a companion. Feeling satisfied with the knowledge that he had imparted to the young boy, the economist went away.

A few days later, the economist again noticed the small boy was again sitting on the footpath but this time there was no dog in sight. He asked the boy, "Did you get the five dollars for your dog?"

The boy said, "No, I got twenty thousand dollars for him."

The business man was stunned. "How on earth did you get twenty thousand dollars for that dog?" he asked.

"It was a piece of cake," replied the boy. "I traded him for two ten thousand dollar cats."

Really funny jokes-If you can understand it

Do you know Psychology is actually Biology.

Do you know Biology is actually Chemistry.

Do you know Chemistry is actually Physics.

Do you know Physics is actually Math.

If you understand it and able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Mathematics.

If you understand it, but unable to prove it, then publish in a periodical/magazine of Physics.

If you cannot understand it, but are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Economics.

If you can neither understand it nor are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Psychology.

SMS jokes-Facebook

Q. Why is Facebook so successful?

A. The secret of it's success - it works on the theory that people find other people's lives more interesting than their own.

Harley Davidson billboards

Any guesses why are there so many Harley Davidson billboards on the highway?

It is to help the riders know how far it is to the next repair garage.

Funny jokes-A definition of age

Age defined perfectly :

Youth is when you smoke, drink, and are naughty all through the night, and the next morning you still look like you haven't been doing any of that.

Middle age is when you smoke, drink, and are naughty all through the night, and on the next morning, you look like you have been smoking, drinking and have been naughty all through the night.

Old age is when at night you neither smoke nor drink, nor are naughty, yet on the next morning you look like you have been smoking, drinking and have been naughty all through the night.

Really funny jokes-Osama's death

Before he was killed, Osama Bin Laden was known to believe in astrology and went to an astrologer to ask him when he will die.

The astrologer told him that he will die on an American holiday.

Osama asked him, "How can you be so sure of that?"

"Well, any day you die will most certainly be an American holiday".

Good jokes-How to recognize where a Driver comes from

Tip to recognize where a driver comes from

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Has to be from Chicago.

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Has to be from New York.

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Has to be from New Jersey.

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Has to be from Boston.

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Has to be from Los Angeles.

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Has to be from Ohio, but driving in California.

7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Has to be from Italy.

8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Has to be from Seattle.

9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Has to be from Texas.

10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: Has to be from West Virginia.

11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Has to be from Florida.

Really funny jokes-Group of biologists

A group of biologists are traveling in a truck to conduct some research in a hilly region, when the driver loses control of the vehicle. The truck overturns and runs down the hills, crashing at the bottom & killing all the biologists.

All of them arrive in Heaven. They are all asked a question, "If you are in your casket and you could hear your friends and family mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy who is a good botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the best botanists of all time, and left an eternal contribution to the world of botany."

The second guy who is an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."

The third guy, who is a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "

Funny jokes-Do you know

Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”

Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”

Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”

Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”

Hilarious jokes-Toss a coin

Peter had planned on watching the football game with his friend Harry.

Peter arrived late and the game had already started. Harry asked him, "What kept you?"

Peter replied, "I could not make up my mind between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin."

"So what took you so long?" asked Harry.

Peter answered,"I had to toss it 40 times."